Chances are, you've run into a stutterer at least once in your lifetime. Maybe it was the person who rang you up at Walmart. Maybe it was the one kid who sat in the back and refused to present in your 5th grade class. Maybe it was that jolly boss of yours who tripped over his words in meetings. Or, maybe, it was a close friend, a family member, or even you yourself. Below are a list of four things that the stutterers I have worked with have told me that they wished that laypeople knew about them.
1) "Just because I stutter, it doesn't make me stupid."
There is nothing more humiliating for a stutterer than being labeled "stupid" just because it takes them a few beats longer to convey what they're trying to say. Scientifically, there is no link whatsoever between the neurologic motor-processing deficits responsible for stuttering and the IQ that one is born with. Very successful people have normal intelligences and still stutter.
2) "I hate when people finish my sentences."
There is a sense of pride that comes with being an independent, fully functioning adult. Understand that stutterers feel they must work twice as hard as everyone else to gain the same respect. When you speak for them, it is not only upsetting, but it feels like you are ripping their sense of humanity and self-worth away, demeaning them to the level of a three-year-old who needs help with the most basic of life skills. Therefore, unless the stutterer has specifically given you permission, do not cut them off. Show them the respect they deserve by giving them as much time as they need to speak.
3) "Don't just tell me to 'chill' or 'speak slowly'."
Imagine telling someone on a gangplank ushered into the mouth of a shark to just "chill." It's a baseless, unnecessary comment. In fact, to the stutterer, it feels just like gaslighting; you're giving unsolicited advice about something on which you are completely ignorant and yet have no time to fully understand, which in turn puts undue pressure on the stutterer who will stutter more. Just don't do it. Instead, respectfully allow the stutterer to speak, accepting any quirky movements that may or may not accompany the stutter, until he or she has finished.
4) "Don't roll your eyes or ask me if I'm ok."
Stuttering takes many forms, from the inclusion of too many fillers (ex: um, er, like), to sound repetitions (ex: b-b-b-blue), word repetitions (ex: the cat-cat-caterpillar), and silent blocks where it just seems like the person has zoned out and stopped speaking for no reason. This is all normal for stutterers. They know they stutter, and so do you, so there is no reason to ask if they are ok. Similarly, rolling your eyes, or sighing loudly, or pulling out your phone, otherwise showing impatience is just plain rude. Control yourself and let them finish.
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