Education & Career

A (Belated) Graduation Speech and Other Important Lessons

To the class of...well, whatever year you’re reading this, I’ll begin by first saying “Congratulations”. Then “Good luck”.

I’d like to share some things about my life and experience since I graduated from college. In times like these, with many people feeling lost, anxious, and frustrated about where they are in life and their futures, I hope that what I have to say will be helpful for recent graduates who are starting their lives, or for those looking for direction.

A (Belated) Graduation Speech and Other Important Lessons

Practice humility. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. It’s a proper assessment of yourself. Be confident, but allow yourself room to grow. Remember, others are where you are now, and others will follow you. You are not special, but you are unique.

Experience is education, education is not experience. A degree by itself says little of substance about your intelligence, work ethic, critical thinking, or problem-solving abilities, or how well you work either independently or with others. All it means is that you passed the tests. A degree or diploma is only a tool, and a tool is only as good as the craftsman, so be the good craftsman!

Do the hard things. In my estimation, there has never been a better and easier time to distinguish yourself. It varies among employers, but generally speaking, showing up on time and having good attitude make up most of the battle. This doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. You’ll still have to put in the work. For a time, you may have to work the positions and during the hours, in the conditions, and with the people you don’t want to. You have to do these things in order to build discipline and more importantly, CHARACTER, which sets you apart more than your degree, even if it’s relevant. The bottom line is that nobody owes you anything, so use what you have earned and use it well.

Don’t get tunnel-visioned. Be prepared to take turns that you hadn’t expected or wanted. Seize on opportunities and don’t limit yourself. Furthermore, it is okay to step back and re-evaluate your intentions, abilities, and commitment. And yes, if after consistently putting forth your best effort, you don’t achieve your desired end, it is okay to quit. Be resilient, spirited, and hopeful, but also be willing and able to acknowledge reality and bow out gracefully. There is no shame in that.

It rains on parades, it rains on gardens. Everyone faces uncertainty, humiliation, adversity, frustration, rejection, and failure. For me, it was 13 years in between graduating from college and getting the job I have, as of this writing. I often worked six days per week at 14 (or more) hours per day between two jobs. One employer bold-faced lied to me while interviewing me and then lied again in order to fire me, which they successfully did. I’ve had incompetent, unreasonable, and ineffective bosses and coworkers, many of whom likely thought likewise of me. I’ve been screamed at, cussed at, and blamed for things that weren’t my fault. I’ve also had great bosses and coworkers.

Sometimes, there may be favoritism and discrimination. Sometimes, you truly may be treated unfairly or even face active resistance. “Sometimes” and “may” are the key words. It’s better to assume that better, more experienced, and more motivated people are preferred over you. That’s nothing against you. Other people are competing for the same things. There will be winners and losers, so make peace with that. In short, the world is not out to get you...

...but...

Sometimes, what’s best isn’t good. I worked at my last job for seven years. The pay was great and I was a senior team member and received stellar performance reviews. However, I was also often short-staffed and overworked. Things started declining in late 2020, when the company switched to a new program that practically doubled my daily workload. The following year, my office closed and I was moved to a different location, adding 30 minutes to my commute. Then, in early 2022, a new manager was hired, a poor communicator with a chaotic, rash, and impulsive management style. He changed his mind on things every other week. Even though we were fully staffed at the time, he scheduled me on the busiest part of the week by myself with no back-up; overtime was not allowed. My department had to be able answer for everyone else, despite us never having time to discuss our weekly progress. “You’re a team! No excuses!” was his mentality. All this, combined with my share of mistakes and feeling very burned out, culminated with him requesting my resignation, which I did.

A (Belated) Graduation Speech and Other Important Lessons

I reluctantly took a job that cost me $6,000 and my seniority. I felt bitter for a time, but I later learned that everyone in my department had left within six months, they were struggling to find replacements, and morale was abysmal. The place had fallen completely apart. The manager, having finally seen first-hand what I’d been up against, had also come to regret asking me to resign. But by the time they tried re-hiring me, I’d accepted a major promotion that paid $10,000 more than when I left, was much less stressful, and had better career prospects. My life is much better as of this writing than before.

Does this mean I liked the situation? Of course not! Good coming out of bad doesn’t turn the bad into good, but setbacks can provide opportunities. Sometimes, you need to take one step back to take two steps forward.

Practice gratitude. With time, patience, and the right circumstances, better things can and do happen. Until then, have gratitude. Even in the most difficult moments, there is something to be grateful for. If not, you have to make it (watch William McRaven’s “Make Your Bed” speech). Gratitude helps keep you motivated and keeps things in context. It defends the heart and soul against stress and anxiety. This doesn’t mean that you ignore suffering or pretend it doesn’t effect you. It means that you look at and appreciate what you have, take control of what you can, and drive forward. You must know where you’ve been in order to know where you’re going.

A (Belated) Graduation Speech and Other Important Lessons

Additionally, if you get to where you want to be, will it mean anything if you haven’t been grateful for what it took to get there? More importantly, will you even notice?

Be realistic, but have faith. In September 1965, at the outset of the Vietnam War, US Navy pilot James Stockdale was shot down and captured as a prisoner of war. He was held at the infamous “Hanoi Hilton”, where he spent the next 7 ½ years in solitary confinement in a small 3’x9’ cell with no windows and only a single light that was kept on day and night. And of course, he was tortured mercilessly. As the highest-ranking officer, he enforced the US military’s code of conduct by establishing a chain of command and organizing prison resistance. He didn’t make some grand escape and burn the place down on his way out. There was no midnight commando raid. He was simply released in February 1973 after January’s peace agreements.

Years later, when asked by author Jim Collins who among his fellow prisoners didn’t make it, Stockdale responded: The optimists. He noted their anticipation to be out by Christmas, then by Easter, then by Thanksgiving, and then Christmas again. “[T]hey died of a broken heart.” He continued, “You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

This example might seem dramatic, but the premise holds. You may face a situation that is “extreme” or even, dare I say, impossible. In such times, you must have faith. Both optimism and pessimism surrender your agency to outside actors who 1) you think deep down truly see things the same way you do and just haven’t yet realized how awesome you think you are or 2) you’ve made your enemy by assuming malicious intent. Faith is neither a feeling nor gullibility. It is a choice, an indispensable part of life. If you have faith, you have a reason to act. Faith draws your out of yourself. It directs you towards and binds you to an end.

Acknowledge the reality and make the choice to pursue, but more importantly, to endure. Having faith, in this sense, means essentially that you know you can be broken, but you choose not to be.

A (Belated) Graduation Speech and Other Important Lessons

For his actions, James Stockdale was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. He retired from the Navy in 1979 and died in 2005.

Don’t “figure yourself out”. I’ve heard and seen this enough that I must address it. Serious question, what does that even mean anyway? What is the standard, who sets it, and how is it achieved? And above all, to what end? “Figure yourself out” - that’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. Even if unintentional, it’s a rationale to remain in a state of pseudo-childhood. Life, your own in particular, isn’t something you “figure out”, lest you become a spectator rather than the central player. You lose the sense of adventure. Take bold, decisive steps and responsible, calculated risks. Experience joys and sorrows, failures and triumphs, humiliation and esteem. Make mistakes, both personal and professional, and learn from them.

Besides, the best way to self-knowledge is an intimate relationship, the delay of which, ironically, is often a primary excuse for “figuring yourself out”. The mutual vulnerability you share with each other will teach you more about who you need to be and how to get there than most other things. That person is the only one for whom this yourself-figuring-out nonsense applies.

And on that note...

Get married and have children. You might make a lot of money, you might hold high positions (“might” is the key word). What happens after that though? Sooner or later, you’ll have your last day of work at the last job you’ll ever work. You’ll clear your workspace and someone else will move in. Even if you’re satisfied with what you’ve accomplished, what good is it if you have no legacy? Your resume won’t be with you in your autumn and winter years, let alone your deathbed. A family will. Family provides the most substantial direction and meaning.

But it’s not just about work. Making a career is one thing. Making and sustaining something with it is another. Your family is your true legacy. That’s what you influence the most. We can talk about marriage and divorce laws, feminism vs. red-pilling, the state of the world, and the terrible dating scene all day long. Men and women have each had bad examples and formation, marriage is a risk, and of course, children can be very frustrating. You’ll have sleepless nights and sometimes lose your temper. You’ll question your abilities and fitness as a spouse and parent. But because you’ll get to face and overcome these fears and insecurities, you get to decide what the answer is.

CONCLUSION

I could write entire MyTakes on some of these points. I'm sure I'll think of more things later. Who knows, many years from now, I might re-read this and wonder what I was thinking when I wrote it. But that's also part of the adventure. You're constantly learning new things or correcting yourself. What you do know is seen in a new light or you're learning something you should have known already.

We are in some very difficult times. However, I believe that with the right priorities and mindset, your best days are ahead of you.

Thank you for your time. Now go have an adventure!

A (Belated) Graduation Speech and Other Important Lessons

Posted on August 13th, 2024, eighteen years since I left for college

A (Belated) Graduation Speech and Other Important Lessons
Post Opinion