Boyfriend not coming to graduation?

[Oriel]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. I invited him to my college graduation. He has stated he is not coming to my college graduation because his adopted daughter will be at her moms. His daughter does not want to go to my graduation and does not want to see me or my parents. He stated his sister wanted to go to my college graduation. She is not going. No one from his family is going to my graduation although they have been invited. I have been working on getting this degree for twenty one years. He adopted his niece 14 years ago. She has come to my home and thrown my moms purse on the floor with force, yelled at both my parents, and broke many things in home on purpose. She has stole hundreds of dollars from me, hit me with things she had in her hand, and stole my drawstring black bag. He has brought her to my property at times and leave her in his truck and she ignores everyone and is on her phone. She never apologized to my parents and is not sorry about anything she has done. He has said he would never miss her graduation. Should I let him know if he calls that I don't expect him to come over after the graduation? So he can spend more time together with her? Because it's so important.

[Lish89]

So you want him to be apart of your accomplishments? Yet your banning his blood from it? Honestly I wouldn't go either. I get she's a handful. I work with special needs children. But if your with a guy who has a kid, you have to make that kid apart of your life or it will never work.

[Oriel]

He told me he wanted to go to the graduation. I never banned anyone, she can not stand my parents or me and stated she does not want to go. She will be at her mothers during my graduation.

[Oriel]

I mentioned to him that I was graduating and he said he wants to go originally. Now he says he is not going and his daughter does not want to go regardless. She does not want to see me or my parents. She wants to be at her mothers during my graduation.

[Lish89]

Your gonna have to build a bond with her hun. I had this situation with my ex's daughter. You have to make her imoortsnt. She's still considered my family .

[Miristheiss]

Graduation? Irrelavent. You've got your degree... this ceremony is just for looks and is only symbolic. It has nothing to do with getting your degree.

More serious is if you can have a life with this guy with this huge rift based on this daughter.

[Oriel]

You are right. The other day he was saving a seat for her at a winter choir event we went to. He held the seat with his hand. She flopped down on the seat on his hand as hard as she could on his hand. He was in extreme pain. She nearly broke his arm and hand on purpose.

[boggboss]

But he is her guardian by saying she can't go u are in theory saying you don't want his child there I can see why he wouldn't go

[Oriel]

She wouldn't be able to go anyway. She will be at her adopted mothers during the graduation.

[boggboss]

If that was so u should have said nothing as u would have got what u wanted anyway but by speaking u have him a choice between his now daughter and you on principle I agree with him not going

[Browneye57]

I got lost with all that. What is your question?

[Oriel]

What is the best way to handle the situation with his stepdaughter? She ignores us completely when he brings her here. She has said in the past she does not want to be here. I have asked him to bring her in and she always states she wants to stay in his truck. There have been times I have made homemadcookies and brownies and invited her and still did not want to come in.

My sons and I play music that she does not listen to or join in. I play the keyboard/piano the others play the keyboard and guitar. She does not like to go outside and play/walk/work.

She can not stand to be around me or my two sons. My youngest is a member of the national junior honor society I have nothing but love her regardless of what she has done. At occasions my son and I have also helped tutor her with reading. She yells at us and him. She yells at her stepdad. She makes herself fall on purpose to get out of work. There are times she is asked to do something by dad and she says she doesn't want to do it, and will say she is going to scream and makes herself fall down to get hurt to get out of what she is supposed to be doing. Stepdad held a seat for her a few days ago at winter children's choir event. He held the seat with his hand she flopped herself as hard as she could nearly breaking his hand and arm. I have seen her hit, kick, and yell at him. When she was younger she used to bite him as well.

The times we have helped her with the homework I always encouraged her to read. Stepdad later yelled at me at a phone call that when she was getting tutored her school teacher warnd her they warned her she would get burned out. Both stepdad and her have poor reading skills. He is unable to read. She always says she hates reading.

She will be going into high school next year and am afraid my sons will want to imitate her, even if we do not see her much.

She says I am not smart enough help her only her teachers are. I just graduated college yesterday. What can I do to build a boundary?

[Browneye57]

Ah, the step-monster. Well, this isn't going to be what you want to hear, but it's the bold-faced truth. So here goes...

This is why you don't date someone that already has kids. It will NEVER be what you wish or hope for. EVER.
And no matter the effort or what you do for them, neither he nor his daughter will properly appreciate you. You will always just be 'the other woman'.
Worse, you will NEVER be his priority. EVER. At least till the kidlette is grown and gone.

No, this is a losing proposition, as you've seen. No matter what you do the kid isn't going to accept you - you're just taking away from her time. She's already the product of a broken home.

And if the kid's mother is in the picture there will always be drama. She'll never like you either.

"your sons..." So, if you also have kids your time is better spend just focussed on raising THEM. Whatever time you have left over from running a household, working, and whatever else you do, they need. Not you trying to take up with some other guy and his crotch fruit.

Both of you need to raise your children. When they're grown and gone then MAYBE you'll be in a position to try dating again.

[sexylittlekitten]

Sucks sis. Let him know.

[Oriel]

You are right. I let him know last night.

[sexylittlekitten]

What happened then?

[Oriel]

I went to the graduation with my parents and sons. I had a great time without them. My daddy and I got our pictures taken after my graduation and the person taking my picture said I was Daddy's girl. I got nice gifts from my parents. My brother called me when I got home to congratulate me since he was going to be out of state. I didn't call bf/or his daughter. He called me the next day and I told him that I don't expect him to come over. And that he should take her out to go celebrate spending time with her because it's so important. And go buy her things get her nails done etc to celebrate me graduating. He asked why I said that and I said because I wanted to. He said he didn't have money to take her anywhere then come over to give me a small amount money for my graduation while she was at school. He wanted to drop off some gifts they picked out and i said I didn't want him just to come over drop them off and leave and if he wanted to give me something he would have to take me somewhere and make graduation pictures with me wearing the gown at some nice places. As you can guess he has not done it. Your kind words made me feel better during graduation. I am glad he did not go because me and his relationship is not a priority of his. This is coming from a man that has yelled at me for encouraging her to read, saying she was going to get burned out and that she shouldn't learn anything after school, just do what she wants and be happy (stay on her cell phone and eat junk food and emotionally/physical abuse others nearby).