My boyfriend is obsessed with money and works really hard to earn it.
He has a gardening business as well as working part time at a supermarket and he takes as much overtime as he can get.
He comes from a extremely hard working family and he wants the money to stay in the family and for us to have a good future but I really worry but he'll be working non stop to the point he never actually sees the reward of it.
We have a mortgage now which put extra financial pressure. He was working until 11 last night and he decided to get up at 4 in the morning to go fishing. He had a really good time but as soon as he got home he couldn't even stand up straight and he's a big guy which is scary because the bigger the harder the fall.
I've tried talking to him but he doesn't just says same old thing "I'm addicted to money what you want me to do?" , "do you want us to be poor?" .
Don't get me wrong I appreciate a strong, hard working man but I also want him around long enough but we can appreciate his hard work together.
I work full time and I earn good money so I think he wants us to earn a equal amount too. I try to take overtime but my work never wants the hours I can do and the hours I work I can't get second job.
He also has back problems and he cares a lot for his family, he gets stressed so easily and his family health history isn't great either I don't want him having a heart attack or something
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
I've tried talking to him but he doesn't just says same old thing "I'm addicted to money what you want me to do?" , "do you want us to be poor?" .
That's the key. He's addicted to money. If he has to work 18 hours a day 7 days a week the problem isn't that he needs more money it's that he either needs to cut expenses or get a better job. I promise that everyone can save money if they look at their budget and see where all the money is going. Conversely, if he wants to be a multimillionaire and bags at the local grocery store nothing is going to get there faster than getting a better job.
He just wants more money? For what? How much? Seriously. If he doesn't KNOW he needs 2.5 mil, 8 mil, 25 mil, whatever, then he can't properly backplan on how to get there either.
He does save it trust me everything goes in savings. He's obsessed I've never seen anything like it.
He spends some money on fishing but otherwise nothing else besides the essentials and all that bought from the supermarket he works at because he gets discount. Plus the gardening business isn't doing so great at the moment but we're in a really sticky situation.
He's been offered a tone of really good jobs but his brother in law who runs the business with has cancer but is also kinda lazy and this is the only job he's ever kept.
His laziness is ruining the business but he wants to keep his brother in law in a job for family and it be terrible to leave him with no job when he has cancer but he was lazy before the cancer.
He's starting to look for new jobs but not as fast as we'd like but again we can't say much because of the big c word
Did you give him cancer? No, then not his fault. And no man is going to put his brother in law (your brother?) isn't' more of his concern than his family is (or should be). That's what health insurance is for, especially since they can't disqualify preexisting conditions anymore, and however that plays out, still comes second to his wife and family.
He's not happy about it trust me and has said he really wants to say something but his sister is crazy af and will make everyone's life a living hell if things don't go her way. She's super ungrateful and has no self reflection , most selfish person I've met sometimes but she's also family and everyone is scared of her reaction.
Last time things didn't go her way she didn't talk to the family for a year. Me and his mum have told him to hold on until his brother in law leaves the business for his new job.
If we stay friendly we don't have to buy them out the business and then he can be free to do what he wants
How is the sister so powerful? How is she able to put everyone through hell?
So worst case scenario another year of her not talking? That's a blessing.
You're talking about buying them out of the failing lawncare business that the lazy brother is running into the ground? That's like trying to figure out how to order a bag of scabs through the mail. Why would you want to?
Because we still love her even if she is a pain the arse, we just want everyone to be happy and it's not my place to say anything I'm not blood. It's my mother in law that's so scared of upsetting her and losing her again.
My mother in law has a lot on her hands already and she doesn't need her daughter hating everyone and making are life's hell
Sorry. A man's first obligation is to his wife and family. All the family crazy can stay behind. What your mother-in-law has on her hands is none of my concern, especially if it's just pandering to some high-drama debutante that needs to be put in her place. Taking care of the woman in my life is my concern and he needs to step up his game in way that matters, not just pulling extra hours as an excuse to keep being a p_ssy. I hope everything works out for you. I do. Bless you and your patience.
Your right but I'm not his wife and we don't have kids. It's my fault because I've told him if he falls out with his sister and then I'm done because I want his mother to be happy.
Also I never said his mother in laws issues had anything to do with you but to make things abit more understandable. She's caring for her elderly parents who are dying, down syndrome brother and husband with dementia whilst also running a charity for others in her situation.
She's also had cancer on and off and her two other brothers can't help as one is dead and the other is just like my boyfriends sister.
My boyfriend helps but she just wants all her family to be happy and have a stress free life.
For his mother's sake I don't want them fighting
Oh my bad. You DID say boyfriend.
"I've told him if he falls out with his sister and then I'm done because I want his mother to be happy."
That was dumb, and not your place. Giving guys an ultimatum rarely works out well. Good luck to you.
That said, none of this:
"She's caring for her elderly parents who are dying, down syndrome brother and husband with dementia whilst also running a charity for others in her situation. She's also had cancer on and off and her two other brothers can't help as one is dead and the other is just like my boyfriends sister." ... Is his or your problem. That whole family sounds toxic as hell and unless you think they're ALL going to die in the next couple years you need to really consider if you want to be around for that and for how long.
Well my boyfriend is 97 so in next couple years we'd be very lucky if she's still here. Also my boyfriends dad been told he only has 4 years left so yes they haven't got long left and the only one in the family who is toxic as hell is his sister and brother in law and a little bit his dad too.
His mother is a wonderful lady and she'd do anything for me and her family so I have to treat her the same. That woman deserves so much.
Yes I reject saying that to my boyfriend and I know it was dumb but his sister is crazy and I can't cope with another family fight again she will just make are life's 10 times harder then she already does. I did forget to mention she is also apart of business and does the books... when she can be bothered 😕
If we let them leave the company on good terms my boyfriend can get all the books from her, the businesses contacts, assets etc everything.
If she falls out with him and they leave the business on bad terms she could take everything and trust me she would. She has no respect for my boyfriend and I don't even believe she truly loves him because if she did she'd see what she was doing right now was making are life's extremely hard and I resent her for that but I also have to pretend to like her
Lol boyfriends grandparents are 97 sorry
Grandmother *
If he's 97 and he's still needing the books to anything he's failed at life. His mom's 110+ and still actively playing all these games with everyone?
I'm calling BS on this post.
His mother actually ISN'T a great lady, she's an enabler to her loser daughter and a manipulator to her son. At a minimum.
I stand by what I said before. The whole group is toxic. Run don't walk away.
I just corrected myself before you said this I meant to say my boyfriends grandmother is 97 lol 😆
I feel like this is getting a little personal now so I'm gonna stop talking to you at the end of the day there's a family you don't know that I actually love that your saying that stuff about behind a screen and I think your forgetting that and acting like everyone else's family doesn't have issues.
I will not have you speak badly of my boyfriends mother and if you had the privilege know her yourself you'd be ashamed of yourself for what you just said about her.
Not everyone is so cold , heartless and selfish and are actually willing to stand by the people they love. Cowards run and I'm many things but not a coward.
One of the reasons I first fell for my boyfriend is because I saw what a caring person he was for his family.
I'd rather have a guy who is willing to stick around and support his mother with caring for the family Instead of one that runs at the first sign of hardship what would that mean for are future. If I was sick should I expect him to run and leave me behind too because I'd being toxic in your eyes.
I really hope you don't have family because I don't think you understand how that works
I was stuck in a minimum wage job for years. I had to go to college at night and I got into IT and I never looked back. I had a successful career and expect to retire in the next year or so.
That's great to hear I just worry with all the work my boyfriend is doing but he will never get to retirement.
My grandad was like him worked everyday of his life since he was 15 when is dad walked out on his mother and his 3 younger brothers, he became the man of the house very quickly like my boyfriend has became.
My grandad only ever went aboard once and was saving for retirement. He had plans to go travelling with my grandmother when one day at 60 he hit his head after slipping over in the shower and that was that if you get my dift
Yes, my father died at 70 on the day before he was young to retire. I have questions about this that nobody was able to answer