Is no job a red flag?

[Anonymous]

I recently met this guy. Seems pretty nice. He has similar interests. Unfortunately, lives a couple of hours away but he wants to eventually move closer to where I live (he lives in the middle of nowhere, I live in a major city, and he's been wanting to move to the major city before meeting me). So I'm okay with the distance...

Then I caught on, he doesn't have a job. He hasn't had a job in four months because apparently, his last job scammed him. He's currently looking for one that pays him well so he can move. I had asked him what about a part-time job until he finds one, and he said he rather not.

He has an associate with computers and was working IT but felt like a drone. I'm kind of at a conflict with myself because it doesn't make sense to only have a 2-year degree expecting to be making salary money while being completely unemployed and a past of him not being able to keep jobs because he simply doesn't like them.

I like this guy but if he's going to be someone who doesn't get a job or at least some kind of income I don't see a stable future with him. But I want others' opinions to make sure.

I'm not worried about him mooching off of me as I'm someone who was raised not to do that (and seen from other's experiences of how poorly it ends).

Yes

No

Maybe

[MrOracle]

His last job "scammed him"? Perhaps, but that sounds like "I didn't do my job and they fired me" to me.

You can tell the difference between a hard worker who lost a job through no fault of their own (they're out hustling for whatever work they can get, and they've got a long history of working) and someone who resents the fact that they have to work at all because they think they "deserve" a comfortable lifestyle for free. He sounds closer to the latter than the former based on what you've written.

If that is in fact the case, then I strongly recommend that you don't date him, because that's the kind of guy who will move in with you and then "oops, lost my job" or "I just got laid off" or "I hate my job so much that I quit, and I'm sure I'll be able to get another job eventually..." and you'll be paying for him because you're stuck.

Everyone loses a job, and sometimes it can be legitimately difficult to find another job, but there are "help wanted" signs everywhere, and if he's just hanging out waiting for his 2 resume submissions that he sent in 2 weeks ago to generate calls, that's a huge red flag. If he's sending out a dozen or more resumes a day, going to interviews, etc., then that's a different story.

[Asker]

everyone's opinions have been helpful! But yeah, I think he's being a tad lazy with job searching. He's wanting a high paying job while not having to work, it's starting to become obvious. I think it comes down to we have an opposite work ethic. I'm someone if I didn't have a job for even a month I would be picking up shifts at a bar especially in this economy

[MrOracle]

No one LIKES to have to downgrade their job, even temporarily, but if you aren't already rich or don't have a big emergency fund, you have to do what you have to do. I agree that he seems like he doesn't want to have to work, and he's looking for a high-paying, easy-work job, but those days are largely over. Elon has cut Twitter down by 85% of its staff while improving the site features and reliability, because he doesn't allow people to do nothing but make-work meetings and social activism all day. And that was a huge wake up call to the rest of the tech industry, who have all made deep cuts and continue to do so.

These companies were taken over by activists who forgot, or never cared about the fact that they were there to make the company money. And every year, they did less work and more activism on the clock. 4 or 5 hours on Twitter every shift. Those days are over - only people who do real work are keeping their jobs today..

[sawno]

Few months isn't a red flag if he has a sufficient buffer. I went without a job for half a year in the corona era when the jobs dried up. It happens. He should be able to find a new one within half a year though if he has good job prospects.

[laly520]

if still looking for job then its not red flag
if he is ok being jobless then its red flag

[Kaneki05]

It's pretty simple that's only a red flag when he's needing money from you.

[strateguy632]

yess