What should I do with my life at 31?

[Anonymous]

I moved about 1.5 hours away from my hometown for my dream job. I worked really hard to get this job, a degree then a masters, numerous internships in London and finally bagged my dream job. I’ve been working there for 5 years and I love my job and the people I work with.

However I am struggling a bit now that I’m 31 and living alone as my personal life didn’t really turn out like I hoped.

I have been single for 3 years and have been trying to put my life back together and figure out what I want after planning my future with my ex boyfriend.

I feel like I’m really lost and no idea what I should be doing with my life.

I’d love to meet a nice guy and share my life with someone and have a family but feel like it’s not going to happen for me now.

I’m wanting to buy a house this year and I keep contemplating whether I should move back to my hometown, leave my job and be near my family or stay where I am, keeping working my dream job, visit my family and friends at the weekends and hope things just fall into place?

The older I get I keep waking up everyday with this sense of dread. I know I’m struggling with loneliness and constantly stressing about my future and making my parents proud of me. (And hopefully giving them the grandkids they’ve always wanted)

I don’t go out much and only see my home town friend group a few times a year. I hangout with my work friends sometimes but we live in a very small town. I’ve tried dating apps but I hate the idea of them. Guys don’t really talk to me these days either, just DM me when they are drunk most of the time. I feel lonely, ugly and sad.

What would you do if you were me?

[Saramad_Hill]

I'm sorry to hear this has been your experience with moving out on your own and working an adult job. It sounds like you're doing well enough, but the loneliness is beginning to nag at you. You're not alone in that sentiment, there's a wide swath of people our age and younger (sometimes older) who are all lonely. The dating scene is sparse now for some reason, and it's normal to want to be in a relationship by your age.

But I'm under the impression getting a date requires a little luck. It's not something you can just count on happening. In the meantime, you need to find a way to be happy without a partner. A hobby, or something. In a small town, that's not always so simple.

Missing your friends and family seems natural as well. Be sure to call them, try video chats, or visit them when you can. Moving back home is an option, but you'll have lost a bit of the progress you've made on becoming independent. I live with my Dad and don't date much, but I'm somewhat content with my life for now. It's comfortable, I suppose. I don't know how you manage being on your own. Some people can do it easily, some cannot.

What should you do with your life at 31? Well, you have to make your own goals for yourself. You are, unfortunately, an adult in the eyes of most other people. We're all just pretending to be adults, of course, but unless you plan to live near your parents again, you will need to find a plan.

There's also the option of talking to a therapist, if that's something you're interested in. It's not always so simple, of course. I say work on building strong friendships where you're at first. That way you'll be secure with or without someone to date.

I'm not sure if I'm being helpful or not but I do hope you are able to make sense of and peace with your life path.

[RavVid]

It seems the lack of a long term relationship is the major problem you have. Moving back to your home town is really giving up on a long term relationship and your own family. At 31 you still have some time left though not as much as you'd like.

I agree with you on dating apps being unsatisfactory. But that means you do need to get out so you can meet guys and they can meet you.

You have done a fair bit professionally so you might have a lot of requirements in a partner. You have to minimize the must haves This is the first thing I want to point out.

With just three must have qualities each of which only 1 in 3 men have than less than 5% of the male population will be suitable. (1/3*3*3 = 1/27 ~= 4%). With 5 1 in 3 must haves (1/3*3*3*3*3 = 1/243 ~= 0.4%). In the first case 1 in 20 could be suitable, in the second it is 1 in 250 approx. It is going to take longer for those 5 1 in 3 reqs.

For myself I am going for happy & cheerful disposition + dependable. They are traits you can live with and are easily verified as being genuinely held pretty quickly

A final point. If you want happy and cheerful then you should be happy and cheerful. In general you should know what qualities men look for and try to have those. Just as you did in going for your dream job.

[Jkgordon]

Firstly stop worrying g about a relationship. Becsuse reality is you are 31 and you have to take care of yourself or be a homeless bum.
Ms top worrying g about a relationship if it’s meant to be it will happen. You think quitting your job is going to land you a boyfriend?


Get hobbies stop worrying g about a mate.

[snowboarder720]

Wow. This really hits me deep.
I moved across the country for my dream job. Away from my family and friends. It was rough the first few months.
I’d suggest meeting people your age with similar interests. Meetup. com helped me meet people and local singles (I’d highly recommend it). I also found a really interesting sport that I took up seriously and found a strong group of friends. I also joined the cast at a Renaissance Festival where I met one of my closest best friends.


The key here is really put yourself out there. You’ll honestly meet the best people when you least expect it. I’m speaking as a straight, white, cis male which comes with a level of privilege to say this but it’s the only perspective I can really provide.
What I find mostly attractive about you is how free spirited you are. It really takes an internally strong person to move away from their home to make a better living for yourself and I admire that so much.

[snowboarder720]

I meant to also say you should really take advantage of your life as you have it. You’ve found your dream job but what’s next? Sounds like the sky is the limit for you. Embrace that and take full advantage of that.

[JacobJordan]

Ta-da ladies this right here is the perfect example of why people are cautioning you against going into careers and being a career woman. As for you. I wish you luck finding someone however unlikely I do suggest you look at everything you are doing and alter it so you present and act more feminine (especially if you are presently presenting as a career woman) either that or look for a feminine man since you have the higher masculine energy. Either way not going to be an easy road and you have 50 or so years to go

[DarkWinterNights]

That’s entirely up to you and what brings you happiness in life. I tolerate a semi-boring job because it has incredible benefits and a consistent schedule. It funds my free time activities and I spend my off time working on projects, doing my hobbies and I have a solid group of good friends that I hang out with on a regular basis. It would be nice to meet someone and settle down, but the odds aren’t good where I live.


Try to expand your horizons. Find something you’re passionate about and devote your time and energy into it.

[SotiCoto]

I don't have to wonder. I'm 40, live in London, am resigned to my being yesterday's news AND resigned to being stuck in the rental trap until I die because I can never afford a home. I'm going through roughly the same things as you in the same place, except I'm about 9 years ahead... and probably poorer than you if you can actually seriously consider buying a home as a realistic future plan.

As to what to do about it? Well personally, I'm just waiting to die because my existence has nowhere to go but down.

[Drumlin2001]

Keep the job you love. There are places outside London you can buy. Do you have to be in office everyday, or do you work remotely sometimes? The UK is small enough you can get to most places within a few hours.
Get out there, try new things, meet new people. Have you tried dating apps? Speed dating? What have you done to be proactive in finding someone?

[exitseven]

It sounds like the small town environment is limiting your opportunities. I do not know what your interests are but hiding out at home is not going to find suitable people to date. Truthfully, most of the people I dated I met accidently and not in the traditional places. I would try an meet as many people as you can and even if you just make some friends you never know what that connection might mean for the future.

[noohair]

First, I am a guy so I don't have the same pressures. Waking up with dread is very bad. It sets the tone for the whole day. Negative thinking brings negative energy into your life. I wake up every day and see it as a gift and another opportunity for good things to happen. I don't dwell in the past because I can't change it and I can't grow in the past. All the best to you.

[DrPepper12]

First, YOU'RE YOUNG!! Second, your working your dream job! Third, you have family and support!! Id say things are going GREAT!! Where are you going to meet guys? Oh, DON'T BUY A HOUSE NOW EITHER!!!

[TheSpaceGnome]

Keep your dream job, buy a house, make it your dream house, none of that prevents finding love.

[elaphe]

I feel the same way and am 13 years older than you. I know that is not advice, but at least you know you are not alone. As they say, "misery loves company."

[thisAppIsGarbage]

Meet a nice guy at 31? It's too late. Continue dedicating your life to your dream job. Maybe you can have nieces and nephews to spoil, but it's too late for you

[RoronoaZoro8]

Join a crew of pirates and sail the open seas, to find Gol D Roger's treasure: The One Piece

[dfdfdffffdfdf]

you are doing well

i will travel abroad if i was you

[whistlingwh0res]

I hear ya. seduction doesn't seem to work anymore these days

[Anonymous]

Its simple learn to be ahppy with yourself whrever you are, dont let your happiness depend this world is beautiful