School is making my daughter sick! Should I homeschool her?

Question

Every single day she feels sick to her stomach! She is 12. She texts me from school all day saying it's too loud, she feels sick and she wants to come home.

I've managed to get her to not need to attend P. E because she was worse on P. E days. She gets allowed to sit out classes in a "quieter" space called inclusion. They get given work but it's not gonna be same as in class surely.

She swears she is not bullied. But she has extreme anxiety going in or around crowds.

The school have not been very good at all. Only reason they finally let her off P. E is cos the doctor said so, to reduce her anxiety and hopefully improve her attendance.

I told her to give it a year and then we would talk about home schooling. She really wants to. But I'm concerned about the lack of social interaction she will get at home. And of course it won't be cheap. But can do it with a little sacrifice.

She is waiting for counselling. But it's a 2 year waiting list. She has self harmed too once.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

OK, I am not an expert, but I do want set your mind at rest with homeschooling, if that's something you believe you should consider. So here goes: [Deep breath] I was homeschooled. And to make this confession worse, I homeschool my kids. There, I said it. Now you know. :D

That being said, from my experience, socialization depends greatly on the parents, and how they handle and prioritize exposing their children to different situations and people. Some parents do isolate, and their kids do end up awkward and unsocialized. But most homeschool parents are extremely aware of the socialization concerns, and take additional measures to ensure that their children are being exposed to a variety of different social environments on a regular basis. Many homeschooled children participate in sports, ballet, speech and debate, drama, art, music, language classes and even world travel.

The way I personally view socialization is that it's kind of like teaching reading. Some kids will have a harder time than others, and that's OK. But, like with reading, if a child is barely making it, we don't pile on more and more work at increasingly difficult levels. We take a step back, and make adjustments to meet them at their level. A dyslexic child will not get better at reading by being given three times more difficult work than the neurotypical child. And in the same way, an anxious child will not become better at socializing by being forced into situations that are sending her brain into fight or flight mode. She literally cannot engage her reasoning brain, because she hasn't learned coping mechanisms in a more manageable environment.

With that in mind, it's very good that you are pursuing medical help and therapy for her. Homeschooling can be a component of helping her and giving her a break while getting the other areas figured out, but like others have said, she will eventually need to learn how to cope with the stresses of life, and homeschooling shouldn't be used to just escape.

I don't know where you are at, but where I live, there are homeschool support groups and co-ops all over the place. There are online forums where you can ask questions and get ideas. Homeschooling is extremely adaptable to whatever your needs are, and you do not have to homeschool forever. One year might be all you need (or want) to do. And then there's the curriculum...

So, with curriculum, it's easy to get overwhelmed with the options and all the neat books and the bazillion teaching styles and educational methods. But, to keep things simple, I would highly recommend something online, with all the grading and reviews incorporated into the program, and possibly even an accredited online homeschool or charter school. Something that she can do fairly independently, and you can check her work and give her some guidance as needed.

As to whether or not you should, that's up to you. I just want to share my experience so that you are aware that socialization is something that you can incorporate into homeschooling, just like any other skill or activity. Hope that helps, and I wish you luck!

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

I realize you have already made your decision and I think it was the right choice.

I really feel for your daughter. I hated school and everything about it. I was like she is.

It was not only all of the noise (which may be caused by sensory overload or ADHD), but the smells in the school used to make me sick 🤢 to my stomach.

I don't know what grade she is in, but it started with me in kindergarten. The smells of the paint they made us paint with. Crayons smell awful too.
I should add being confined in a room or rooms with all the smells, noise and kids screaming, is way too much for someone with sensory overload or ADHD.
I remember that in third grade I missed 38 days of school. I think I had school phobia because it was torture for me to go there.

Thing were no different in middle school and high school. Same feelings but started getting bad headaches. In high school at lunch time I just went home and stayed home the rest of the day.
The headache's were getting the best of me.
As I became a grown woman, things started to make sense to me, because I loved to work in an office all day for 30 year's. I was confined there too.
I found out that I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and the doctor said it's genetic. Doctors have recently studied this condition and have been misdiagnosing people all these years, because they didn't know it or recognize symptoms, which there are many!!
I also have multiple chemical sensitivity disorder. I am sensitive or can be allergic to just about anything; foods, cleaning products or anything that has chemicals including prescription drug medications.
For many years I was diagnosed with severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and severe fibromyalgia.
I am telling you this because your daughter sounds like me when I was a young girl. Especially the anxiety. I don't recommend this but I started smoking cigarettes when I was 13. Believe it or not, smoking cigarettes really calmed me down and helped with my headaches as well.
I had quit smoking cigarettes for years, but my boyfriend passed away suddenly and I started smoking cigarettes again. I never got into any street drugs or drank any liquor.
I guess I will quit again one day.

TommyMountainFigure · Accepted Answer

@crimsyjo I don't know whether or not you know my history of being bullied severely at school, ironically at around her age for a little over 3 years, but I can tell you first hand. I was too worried to tell anyone, especially my parents about the bullying, as I knew they would make it worse for me! So I lied about it. If you want to find out the truth, tell her if she IS being bullied, she will never have to set foot in that school again... I reckon hand on heart, she may well be terrified of going back there. ALL the signs are there, I feel a lump in my throat at what she must only be going through.  If you get her out of there, I believe she will no longer need the counselling either. Just maybe a good self defence class that teaches her how to stand up to bullies in future!

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

Homeschooling is the best option, and can result in a better education anyway as most schools do not teach information or skills for a lot of important things in life (or for any niche educational interests such as technology, ecology, or evolutionary studies), and the way they teach math and science now is usually inefficient.

1 on 1 teaching is also more successful at educating when the student is stressed from crowds or struggling.

You can cater her education around her future dream career, and have the standard required education tests to get her diploma be secondary to that. A public school will not do this for her, as they do not have enough teachers, nor the freedom to teach whatever they want.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I would try to understand what really makes her sick...

my daughter in the same age was more developed than other girls and other kids made stupid comments... and she, as an autistic kid, got it the worst possible way... (we didn't know she was autistic yet, we learned it 4 years later)

we also got her released from PE, but she was going on gymnastic out of school and there everything was good... surprisingly...

she also had another reason... she didn't tolerate men who wasn't close to her (literally only father, brother and grandfathers) to touch her... and PE teacher was a man... and he needed to secure kids with some exercises or correct them...

we also learned with time that she can't focus (Attention Deficit Disorder) and she didn't feel comfortable answering teacher questions with the whole class observing her... (social anxiety)

we tried to align things for her... but the half of the end year grade is from oral answers... she got all grades one level lower because of that...

so we spent a huge amount of time trying to convince her that grades don't say how smart she is...

fortunately last year (after 2 hospitalizations on psychiatric ward and tone of strange diagnosis a good psychologist finally took care of her... and she bloomed like a flower... she finally knows what happens with her and she learns how to deal with it...

so I would suggest regular conversations and include kids psychologist before you make any decision...

dustybiker2 · Answer

Yes. I went through similar as a result of culture shock from moving to a new country. I was given several years to adjust by being home schooled. I bloomed. Can only imagine what would have happened had I been forced to stay in that grind with ignorant teachers.
After a time your daughter will miss it. Or she might just want extra curricular activities added to keep in touch with peers. Those are easier in chosen and fun activities vs forced school settings. We are all different, nothing wrong with building your own mold.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

See about getting her some ear plugs, overstimulation in a class setting can be horrible and that can help a little. I’m sure you’re already in contact with her teachers so maybe see about how they see her in class, get their understanding of her behavior and if they can give her the attention she needs. She might just not be comfortable talking to them or asking them for help so getting her to talk to them more, let her know she can get to a quiet spot to do her work (maybe ISS if study hall isn’t an option) or learn her lessons. Maybe see if the school is willing to go online for her on some days like they did during covid.

DishLady · Answer

Hey, I’m happy to chat with you about this on IM so as not to overshare on the public forum. I know a lot about home schooling and do work with a lot of kids struggling with anxiety issues.

Daniela1982 · Answer

If she can't function at school because of anxiety how is she going to function in life? Have you checked into anti-anxiety medications? I was on them myself in high school and still have it today, although a lot less. I don't know how I would have gotten through school without them. Also, counseling might help.

Apple1996 · Answer

Personally I would tell my kid they need to get use to going to school even if it causes anxiety. Eventually when they become adults they gonna have extreme stress in their life either from working, going to college or having kids. Maybe try finding a way to help her cope with the stress and anxiety of school instead of removing her completely or possibly try a different school

DrPepper12 · Answer

Sorry she's waitlisted. Its a big problem. As a teacher my first answer is no, face the challenge. Hine schooling is death to normal social development irrespective of academics which can go either way. I don't have an ez answer but I'm here for questions if you have them.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I'd home school until figure out what is going on and her confidence/social engagement is built up. I wouldn't force her to go into a place that stresses her out... wasting her time when could be learning.

Not everyone is the same.

Anonymous · Answer

get her actual therapy from a therapist/psychiatrist. she has anxiety. i had stomach aches all the time as a kid. acted just like this. turns out. it's because i was so anxious all of the time. doesn't mean i needed to be homeschooled. that would help nothing but put a bandaid over my issues.

she can't be like this when she gets out in the real world as an adult. so she needs to learn how to cope now.

slatyb · Answer

Get her the F out of there if you can. She's miserable.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

its fairly obvious she's not getting useful social interaction at school anyway.

MisterWack · Answer

Maybe take her to a psychologist / therapist in the time being while waiting for counseling and have her stay home for the time being.

Anonymous · Answer

homeschooling is better than whatever garbage propaganda is being shoved down the minds of students these days

NathanDavis · Answer

it sounds like, therapy is a better option here

exitseven · Answer

she needs to be evaluated to determine what is the source of her anxiety. Home schooling might be a short term solution bu she will have to learn to deal with the world eventually.

Twalli · Answer

Try SSD (special school district) they have the ability to deal with anxiety in students, which your daughter has.

shortster · Answer

Yes, homeschool is superior to all others. Because nobody has your child's best interest in schooling than you.

AngryCarl · Answer

Yes at this point it's better to home school her, at least until you can get a psychological evaluation. If she's under that much stress at school she's probably not learning anything.

Awantika03 · Answer

I think she has another problem, maybe some study related problem or she has fear 😨 from it. Make her counseling and talk to her teacher

msc545 · Answer

Your daughter needs to have both Psychological and Physical evaluations. Something is wrong.

eagle1951 · Answer

there is and issue some where i'd talk with the school see what they can find out

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

If you think home schooling is the best then do it

Jennz6 · Answer

Yes, I would if I were you

vicphilips · Answer

Ofc why not mom 😏

School is making my daughter sick! Should I homeschool her?

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