My daughter doesn't want to go to school because she can't make friends at school at the age of 12, what should I do?

[Leyla345]

My daughter doesn't want to go to school because she can't make friends at school at the age of 12, what should I do

[caring__1]

Get her involved in a group outside of school, like Girl Scouts or Boys and Girls Club... somewhere she can develop leadership skills. Once she knows where she belongs and feels she has something legitimate to offer, she start to thrive.

Fifth grade is the toughest time for girls, as that's when all the princesses start vying to be queen. One minute you're my best friend, and then next minute you're just a piece of trash. Girls are crueler than boys. Unless she excels in a particular skill or participates in student government, the focus of girls tends to be very superficial. Help her to find her place rather than just allow her to run away and hide.

[caring__1]

If she feels her biological mother abandoned her, she'll have a harder time investing in relationships, as she'll always be on-guard. Find out if she feels you might abandon her, also.

[Anonymous]

Tell her it definitely won't happen if she doesn't go. And that it takes time sometimes to make/get friends. Reassure her it will come. You could also maybe talk to her teacher? In the 4th grade, I went to a new school at to my horror (at the time), the teacher announced to everyone I was new and that I "needed someone to play with". Only 1 kid put up his hand and volunteered (again to my horror as I hoped NOBODY would lol). But we became best friends for life. It never would have happened otherwise I'm sure of it.

[dustybiker]

Get her into an outside of school class of some sort. She can learn to interact in a fun environment instead of pressured like school. Martial arts classes are great for building confidence. They also teach defense. Everyone should try it.

[AmandaYVR]

Well it's non-negotiable. You can't give an inch on this one. She just has to go. That's not really the q though, is it?

[Leyla345]

Yes 👍

[AmandaYVR]

I had a male teacher in 4th grade which for reasons I do not remember I really did not like, and refused to go to school eventually.
My mum allowed it for a bit, but the school complained and then we had to go in and have a sit-down with him. It was mortifying. I don't remember what was said, but it was basically just that I had to get over it.
I think it might have broke the ice. Maybe he got a bit less stern with me or something.
I was a sensitive kid.
I remember pleading to be allowed to write with coloured felt pens, instead of pencil, when we were first learning to write. It was a battle, I tell ya, but they finally relented. That tiny bit of colourful self-expression was the kind of reward I responded to.
I know that's seemingly unrelated to your situation. But how about a reward system, such as you offering her to go shopping for some new outfits? Confidence is what she needs here. And that can come from fashion, honestly. Make her the envy of some of the girls she fears? I dunno. I'm not a mom.

[HighValue]

Suggest that she joins some extracurricular activities. Maybe a school play, the band, or a sport. That should help her to make friends.

Or at the beginning of the school year she could talk to her teacher (not in front of other students) and ask if they can do group activities or projects where she will be a team member so there will be more interaction between her and other students. She may be able to make friends that way as well.

[Anonymous]

school is not for friends... it's for learning. friends are a bonus. i'd sign her up for some activities like sports or something. she'll make friends there.

[Guy13]

Send her to school and she will figure it. Keep her involved in/out of school

[Xi9ebtbrbr]

I left school due to that. I wish i didn't. Big mistake.

[LazerBean]

It's didn't getting bullied? If so, homeschool.

[Leyla345]

was not bullied

[Avicenna]

Give her some suggestions for making friends

[Leyla345]

quiet and shy

[Avicenna]

What are her interests or hobbies?

[Leyla345]

reading a book

[Avicenna]

Since that's a solitary activity, it's going to be a lot more difficult. Do you have neighbor girls around her age?

[Leyla345]

none

[Guy__]

what type of books?

[Avicenna]

My sister was really bookish as a kid and she somehow still made friends. Just tell her other kids like her do and so will she.

[h3llfireclub]

How are you 24 with a 12 year old child?

[EmmaMary]

@h3llfireclub

Apparently she's now 5 years old!

My daughter is 5 years old, she has vaginal adhesions, is there a cure for it? ↗

[h3llfireclub]

I saw that too. Weird to ask the Internet about that instead of going to a doctor.

[EmmaMary]

@h3llfireclub

A certain five letter word beginning with T and ending in L comes to mind.

[panamared1]

Where are her friends from younger grades