Guy wants me to have his 1st child but he want me to stay home and do all the work?

[Anonymous]

This guy has been pursuing for a while now. What I mean for a while I mean 2 years going on 3 now. I have rejected him many times and he stays consistent and is hell bent on me having his first kid and getting married. The idea seems sweet and all but he wants me to be a stay at home wife because he doesn’t believe woman should work, and all that 1920’s bullshit. He is a truck driver and makes a decent amount to pay all the bills. However, I don’t want to be a stay at home mom. I have an established career as a high school teacher and I live by myself. I got pretty comfortable where I am at. I do have one kid but she is at the age where she is pretty independent and it not hard to juggle now that she is school age.

I am not sure about having another kid because the bad situation I went through with my child’s father and I honestly know how much work it takes to raise a kid. I rejected him many times because I like my independence and I don’t want lose my career that I work so hard to build. Plus I went through all this stress to get my degrees I feel I should use them. I moved out of state and he wants me to move to his hometown which I would have to give up my home, job, relocate with my daughter just to be with him.

It just a lot of changes just to get married and I don’t think I wanna do all that. I expressed this many times to him. I even introduced him to one of my friends and he was like no I only want you. Why do men want kids if they don’t plan on taking care of them?

[Anonymous]

There’s nothing wrong with wanting traditional roles in marriage and child rearing, but that is a two person decision. And even then, the children still need a father figure. If he’s the kind of truck driver I’m imagining, that means he would be away from home for long periods of time. How can he be an effective father figure if he’s always gone and you’re the one left doing everything?
He wants you to be a stay at home wife because he doesn’t think women should work. Does he not realize being a stay at home wife/mom is work? Keeping a home clean and organized is work. Planning, shopping, and cooking meals is work. If you were to go the homeschool route, that is also work. And it’s often thankless and most definitely without pay.

But the thing I would focus on more than anything is the fact that you rejected him multiple times and he won’t take “No” for an answer. That is the part that concerns me the most. He’s trying to wear you down so you’ll say “Yes” and he’ll get his way. Even if you were on board with the “trad wife” life, that is definitely not the type of man you would want to marry. He’s a pusher. And that is the attitude of a spoiled little boy, not a good and respectable man.

[Oliverlogan263]

This is tricky. On the one hand, it's nice that the guy is persistent. But it does sound like he wants A LOT from you without really compromising on his end.

I get wanting the classic family thing, but life isn't always so black and white these days. Wanting you to give up your career, home, independence - that's a ton to ask. And saying you shouldn't work? Dude needs to get with the times. Being a stay at home mom is a lot of work too.

You've already raised one kid as a single mom, so you know what you're doing. I say trust your gut - if you're not 100% about having another kid and changing your whole life, don't do it just to please him. You worked hard for where you're at.

Maybe lay it all out again - your goals, what you're not willing to give up. If he's really serious about you, he needs to meet you halfway somehow. But honestly, it kinda sounds like he just wants a "traditional" wife to take care of him and the kids while he works. Not the most equal partnership.

Up to you, but I wouldn't make such a huge commitment if your heart's not fully in it. You both need to be on the same page. don't be afraid to put your foot down if he won't budge on seeing things your way too.

[Avicenna]

I'm going to hazard a guess that he's asking multiple women to do this and/or already has put this plan in motion with more than one woman. Even if that isn't the case, his behavior is a dealbreaker even before you consider you and he want very different things.

Might be time to tell him to leave you alone.

[IslaTheWitch]

Sacrificing what you built so many years for one guy, who is not mature enough to see your effort and respect your way of living doesn't seem right. If he wants obedient housewife, it's not you, I would say. And keep happiness of your daughter in mind.

Talk to him. Explain him, that his idea of family is not your idea. That you enjoy progressing your career, developing yourself. Tell him about your reluctance about another child, especially if he is not at home and can't help.

Openly voice your concerns and see if he cares about your feelings and opinions.

I personally wouldn't give up my life for any guy who wants me to comply to his terms.

[Daniela1982]

So, it seems you have to put this guy in his place. Stop communicating with him and block him in everything. Maybe he will finally get a clue. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with being a stay home mother. At least the kids will get the attention they need and not learn bad things from other people. How did you juggle things with your first kid? Most day cares will not accept infants. And these days day care is hard to find and is pretty expensive on top of that.

[Guido]

You are not compatible with him because his values do not match yours. Don't waste your time with him. Just break off contact altogether. If he is pursuing you say than that is a huge red flag and best to not engage at all.

Find someone that appreciates your career and who you are. When you find the right person, you may decide you want another child or you may not. The choice is yours to make.

[Asker]

Thank you all for your comments I really appreciate it. I finally got him to realize that I don’t want anymore kids and don’t want to be a stay at home mom/ wife. Now he is still asking to sleep with me saying we can still have “fun” as friends. Tf he is weird and very pushy can only imagine what marriage would be like! A scary nightmare where he keeps pushing until he gets his way.

[Guido]

Time to make a clean break.

[Berethor]

He want a tradwife, he want a child but he believe it's woman's job to raise him.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tradwife

[BarryLiverstone]

I am guessing there is a reason you haven’t fully blocked him yet after repeated rejection? Are you having feelings for him. He must want a child with you as he’s getting older and feels like he can start a family.

[Asker]

I have blocked him and unblocked and he has done the same after I rejected him.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right. So then keep him blocked.

[Asker]

It’s basically 2024 he should be a stay home dad while work because high school teachers get paid a decent amount

[BarryLiverstone]

Both parents can work when married and raising kids. You don’t agree with his expectations on gender roles so one more reason not to date him

[Asker]

Exactly and I explained this to him many times and he doesn’t get it. He just like it because you had a bad experience with the first dude and I’m like no I know how much hard work it takes to raise a kid and how expensive. Plus, I don’t want be up at night with a crying newborn. Once I hit 30 years old, my body begun to shut down around 10:00pm - 10:30pm. I’m only up cause I slept all day. We went on one date and got all weird like I want to get you pregnant, break your lease and let’s get a place together. I was like hold up why so fast.

[BarryLiverstone]

Lots of red flags. So again block him and move on. Why think about it?

[MzAsh]

So many red flags here. Why do you still talk to him? He clearly doesn’t respect you.

[slatyb]

Why are you still talking to him? Block him everywhere.

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you. He's using you for tac benefits. And if he really liked you he would've married you. Next question.

[HelpfulWoman]

Yeahhh EASY FUCKING SKIP on THAT red flag!