Why do people listen to sad songs when they're sad?

[Genie23]

I've listened to many sad songs until last year when I was dealing with lot of stuff. Heartbreak, betrayal, alone (away from loved ones), etc.. You name it. But what I realized was after some time is that it does not make me feel better at all. It made me feel even more miserable than ever. 😕 So, I avoid listening to them and prefer to hear some happy or some soothing songs instead.

Do you actually feel better when you listen to sad songs or do you feel worse than ever like I do? Those who prefers to listen to some sad songs even though it doesn't help- Why do you guys/girls do it?

[higher_than_u]

I believe it does help. Dramatic and sad situations happen in life and there is a certain amount of dealing with it and time you must spend thinking about it and having it tear you apart before you can start to move past it. Listening to sad songs could be a form of forcing yourself to feel your pain and thus help pull yourself forward through the whole acceptance and grieving and healing and life lesson learning process. Not only that, but in the absolute worst of events,, a good example being like losing your significant other, the worst events that leave you inconsolable for a long time, nothing is going to feel good at all especially listening to something happy, sure it will help you avoid breaking down and could be necessary in the office at work but when you are alone it would be a good thing to hear something sad. But when I say good thing I mean it as the best you could make yourself feel by giving self love almost like you are your only friend sitting balling in the corner and hugging yourself saying it's okay and you love yourself and the only way to get to feel that way is in absolute devastation and during the climaxes of such hard times, one of the strongest external inputs that invoke this feeling are sad sad songs. And its these lonely experiences that you have deliberately put yourself into by amplifying the pain by putting on sad songs that really actually serve to make you feel what you need to feel in order to have these hard times or you could even call them sessions, begin to become weaker and weaker each time because when you push yourself or allow yourself to be pushed into your deepest form of emotional pain with aid the aid of sad songs, you can only feel so low so many times before you find that you just can't seem to feel as sad listening to these songs as you had during the beginning when the hurt was fresh. Whether it's you getting over and past your situation or just learning to deal with it better, these songs have no doubt served as a primary external source of sad mental input driving you down as far as you could be until sooner than if not, that downwardness gets higher and higher as you start healing. I'm sorry I really dont know how to stop because it's so hard to try to explain such a broad topic because everyone's situations are so dynamic and maybe I am just trying to explain it to myself rather than anyone else and the effects of not being satisfied are these run on sentences you have read aaaaall the way up to this point now so yes I will have to just cut it off then. Thank you

[Genie23]

I actually appreciate how you took your time to explain this to me. I always appreciate a detailed, well writen answer. So, don't apologize! This actually helped me understand people more, so thank you. 😊

[FatherJack]

Possibly to get the sadness out their system quicker , grief is extra painful and not easy to manage for one example , and not only confined to humans , I am having another wave of greatly missing my beloved ferrets , first the mother , Miss Woolworth , named for her fluffy , soft beautiful Angora coat , lost her to accidental death July last year. Also & miss her greatly , just as much too , had Wool's 1/2 polecat hybrid , cuddly chunky girl , Polefat... this song Forever Autumn reminded me of them...

https://www.youtube.com/embed/dJbp_GjD9VE

The late , beloved Miss Woolworth & Lucia

Here was our beloved Wool with my daughter Lucia. Adorable as she was , she was a formidable rat killer , and formed a hunting tag team with her wild girl Polefat.. and sorted a rat problem caused by former neighbours.

[Genie23]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Jack. 😞😞😞

Your daughter looks so cute and your Wool looked indeed really adorable. I could not take my eyes off her for a long time. Precious! Thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate your answers and that picture made me smile 😊

[FatherJack]

Thank you , I love this selfie picture taken by my daughter... and miss Wool so much. Mustelids ( Weasel family ) are often both adorable , yet savage killers that punch far above their weight too. Wolverines and Honey Badgers are part of my Wool's / Polefat's family too , say no more.

[Genie23]

Hey, at least you have lot of sweet memories. I'd focus on that and enjoy thinking about those lovely moments. 😊

[Karin_Anna]

I think that when I listened to sad music, I was looking for familiarity and a way to make sense and cope with my dark Passenger.

At some point my life changed for the better, my musical tastes did naturally change with it. If I were to listen to some of those sad songs now, I still feel the emotion but no longer the suffering.

A lot of music being releas d these days are for a different demographic, I am out of touch with it.

I since found other music that I like listening to, most cases I don't understand because the language. Doesn't detract from the beautiful singing voice and composition.

[Genie23]

I see. Thank you so much for explaining!

[AllieOops]

Because sad songs say so much.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=you+tube+video+sad+songs+say+so+much+-+elton+john&view=detail&mid=43F2540CAE7D8D757FA143F2540CAE7D8D757FA1&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dyou%2btube%2bvideo%2bsad%2bsongs%2bsay%2bso%2bmuch%2b-%2belton%2bjohn%26form%3dEDGSPH%26refig%3d6f5fa7d710c04c0280bf97fb513251dc%26mkt%3den-us%26msnews%3d1%26PC%3dNMTS%26sp%3d-1%26ghc%3d1%26pq%3dyou%2btube%2bvideo%2bsad%2bsongs%2bsay%2bso%2bmuch%2b-%2belton%2bjohn%26sc%3d1-49%26qs%3dn%26sk%3d%26cvid%3d6f5fa7d710c04c0280bf97fb513251dc

[dangerDoge]

For me, I think it’s that happy music feels kind of, I don't know, fake whenever I’m feeling pretty down. It’s hard to connect with something having a completely different vibe than my mood. Ultimately, it makes me feel kind of more isolated in a way. I can kind of relate to like if you are a person hanging out with a group of people and they’re all friends but you’re on the far outskirts of the friend group. It’s not the most pleasant feeling.

Also, who knows if it’s intentional or not, but I do think a lot of sad sounding music has a sort of uplifting aspect to it. I would argue that it’s sort of the sad aspect that lets me connect to it, but it’s the uplifting part of the message that lets me feel a little better. For instance, one that comes to mind 5:12 AM by The Novelists. It’s about feelings of loneliness, but the idea of ‘longing’ or romance seems powerful, and that gives it an oddly positive vibe to me. The music itself matches it, because it starts soft and becomes louder by the end. The dynamics like that are something more found in sadder music than happy.

That being said, I also tend to listen to sad music regardless whether I’m sad or not. I like the sound of a minor key, and it works great for a lot of rock/metal. I’ve found that for writing music, it actually often makes a song feel less cliche if you give a twist to it, and often the twist is pretty negative. (I. e. “I love you” as a song makes the lyrics often very cliche. “I love you, but I feel I’m not good enough for you” is less cliche.) That kind of ties into it feeling not as fake, since the dark aspect feels more realistic, and that’s more relatable.

[dangerDoge]

Song referenced:
https://youtu.be/ON8b11JUOmI

[proNutro]

I like how you put so much thought into music and not just “oh yeah that sounds good” or “no this doesn’t sound good.”
I’m impressed to say the least.

[Genie23]

This is the kind of answer I was hoping to see! Very detailed and it definitely helped me understand how and why it actually helps some people to listen to it. I guess it all depends on the personalities. My best friend doesn't really share much stuff especially when he's sad, while I feel better when I share things and cry. Everyone's different. 😅

Oh and I love that song! Thank you for sharing. 😯

[Genie23]

@proNutro That's dangerDoge. He always puts a lot of thought everytime he post an opinion or post Takes. He's quite a valuable member on here 😊

[dangerDoge]

@proNutro Weirdly enough, I think a lot of my current thoughts came about music after trying to write it. From trying to write it and having my early pieces turn into, frankly, cliché garbage, I had to force myself to really deep dive into the pieces to see what makes them good/bad/cliché/unique. There is still a lot I’ve yet to learn, but it’s definitely given me a new sense of appreciation!

@ Genie23 I can definitely attest to different personalities. I thought for the longest time that I was a type that needed to hold everything in when I was sad, but I realized at some point that letting things out helped immensely. I just was unsure of a way, or maybe even unconfident, on how to go about it. Hence, I joined GAG lol.

Also, thanks for the kind words! I haven’t been as active as of late with full-time job and taking a break (after quitting as an admin), but it’s always fresh seeing the quite, err, “varied” content on here 😂

[AmandaYVR]

danger hits ot out of park again. 👏👏👏
I feel the same way about writing for me (trying to figure out how to push beyond cliche.)

[AmandaYVR]

I suck on mobile keyboards.
* hits it out of the park again

[Genie23]

Ah! So, GaG did help everyone at some point. I'm glad you finally realized that it's better to let things out than to keep it inside. It always helps.

I was pretty naivé.. Pretty clueless when I joined GaG. I was talkative and friendly and all but I wasn't really able to understand people on the deeper level and GaG helped me become more empathetic. So, I'm glad I joined GaG as it helped me grow as a person and I met some really nice people on here who made my stay on here quite pleasant.

Anytime! You took a break, too? So did I. I was away for 9 months. I came back couple of days ago but I can't be as active as I used to be. Work, house chores, family, friends... It gets pretty to make time for anything else, but what makes me wanna come back everytime is the quality answers and few really engaging questions posted on here and it's always nice to see some familiar faces.

By the way, I did not notice that you are no longer admin! 😳 But I'm happy for you. You did what you had to do. Congratulations on your job!!! Hope you're content with it. :)
"Varied"... I saw what you did there!😂

[mk200195]

Here's my two cents.

Grieving is the body’s way of translating bound up emotion due to trauma into assimilated thought. Hearing depressing music gives us “permission” to feel the sadness, or “validation,” and thus lets us process it and get it over with. People who are uncomfortable with other’s feelings often try to prematurely end this process, but this simply creates a backlog of negative feeling which may, at a later time, come out in a more destructive way.

[Genie23]

That makes sense. Thank you for explaining!

[Ad_Quid_Orator]

in my opinion, it's like talking about sad things when you're sad. Talking about those feelings when you're going through hard times makes you sadder in that moment but it's also a release and it helps you feel better for while afterward. But only talking about those feelings when you're going through a hard time is just going to make things worse and worse. Similarly, listening to sad songs every now and then when you're going through a hard time can help you come to terms with your feelings and "sort them out" but only listening to them is only going to make you more depressed.

[Genie23]

Ah! Now it makes sense. Thank you so much for explaining! I appreciate it. 😊

[-Asca-]

Because they fit the mood. When I'm happy I don't listen to sad songs so naturally when I'm sad I don't listen to happy songs either. I don't listen to fast hard stuff when I want to just calm down etc.
I'd compare it to waking up. Imagine you've slept for 2 hours, you're terribly tired and feel like you want to die. Listening to happy songs in this scenario would compare to jumping out of bed and doing jumping jacks followed by a freezing cold shower. Will that get you awake? Probably. But it feels wrong, counterintuitive and and won't be very pleasant. Staying in bed for some time woud be my choice.
When I'm sad I just don't want to listen to happy songs, even if they may help overcome the sadness. I WANT to listen to sad songs. And usually they make me feel better, because they help me face my sadness and just the joy of music that fits my mood perfectly makes me feel better. It always does, not just when I'm sad.

[Genie23]

That was a really good example. Now it all makes sense. Thank you for explaining!

[imthatsteve]

Oooh i just watched a cool youtube video by joe scott called "how music hacks the brain" or something similar, in it he mentioned that when people listen to sad songs they dont feel sad. Its more like appreciative. Like your passively observing a beautiful drama or something. I dont recall the exact wording but i think they used mris and questionaires to get inside the heads of people while listening to sad songs.

I think it makes you almost sentimental but thats not quite the right word.

[lightbulb27]

Because it feels good to feel our feelings when we are like that.

It's like realizing someone else went through this, what we feel is real, and makes us feel comfort.

As well, there are "melancholy" personalities who looove to feel sad when they are sad.

It's ok for a while, but look for the lessons and challenge yourself, set new goals... that's the way out... there's rocket fuel in all those feelings and hormones!

[Genie23]

Ah! I see. Thank you so much for explaining! 😊

[aWes0MeNeSs]

People listen to them because they can relate to them, and people love things they can relate to, especially if they feel the people around them don't understand.

I'm not as big on music as a whole as I used to be and mostly use it as just background music, but I've listened to both some songs I could relate to when I'm upset about things, and some that I just really enjoyed regardless of what they're about.

[Genie23]

Thank you for sharing your opinion! It really helped. 😊

[aWes0MeNeSs]

No problem, I'm glad it helped! :)

[dmgstarfleet]

I think as a purgative-the heavy grief helps you recover faster-like vomiting-once where you really empty out down to your toes or multiple times. Not pleasant but I'd rather get it out soon as possible rather than prolong the misery. Like ripping off the bandaide or trying to slowly pull it off.

[Genie23]

What an example. 😳 But definitely helpful. Thank you for your input 😊

[proNutro]

I listen to sad songs in general. I love how descriptive people can get when making sad songs. Like they pour their heart into their work. I’ve heard it’s good to listen to sad songs when you’re sad so that you can cry it out and then fee better🤷🏼‍♀️

[Genie23]

I cry it out as soon as I get hurt but when I listen to sad songs, I cry like a baby and fall asleep and when I wake up, I feel awful. So, I guess it helps only some people, not everyone 😬

[I-am-a-nobody]

Don't you know misery loves company?
I like to hear someone else suffer.

From "Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song"

So please play for me a sad melody
So sad that it makes everybody cry-y-y-y
A real hurting song about a love that's gone wrong
Cause I don't want to cry all alone...

Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda,
Is he who sings songs to a troubled heart.
- Proverbs 25:20

[Genie23]

Ah! Thank you for sharing

[sensible27]

You want to thinkz that's what your evolutionary reaction of being sad promotes you to do. Sad slow songs help you think and almost sort of give you room to imagine. If their lyrics speak to you, that's what you think about. I don't think there's a coockie cutter solution for what is happening since the boundaries and definitions are hard to establish in these types of cases
...

[sensible27]

Also I think it's dependant on condition, if the brain realises that it can't change anything or doesn't want to, happy songs help the certain regions of the brain to activate I guess. I don't know if you have noticed this or not but a sad song in a happy moment is not as bad as a happy song in a sad moment thus the conclusion to some extent that the 'brain' wants to think...

[Genie23]

Ah! I see. Thank you for sharing.

[sensible27]

I ducked the grammar up a bit but I hope it's understandable. Can I ask you for an opinion/advice (only asking cause you state this in your bio, don't know if it's outdated though)?

[Genie23]

Sure, how can I help?

[sensible27]

Can't really message you but would you be wierded out if one of your childhood friend who you lost contact with and have nothing to do with anymore contacted you out of nowhere? And maybe went to extreme lengths to do so?

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/XUZvX_MtSJk

Powfu - Death Bed (Lyrics)
I like this one just found it by accident and the singer is Powfu... Usually, when I'm sad I listen to something upbeat and somewhat sad and I cry and relieve the sadness I know how you feel (( Hugs ))👍🙏👼😇

[Genie23]

Thank you, GG! 🤗

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Genie23 You're Welcome

[Shamalien]

Why do people listen to angry songs when they are angry? Ever been super pissed, and then had a sickeningly sweet, happy song play? As perception is relative, it simply makes us feel even more angry in contrast.

So if I'm sad and I play a happy song, that happy song almost serves to define just how sad I really am. If I listen to something sad, once again, since perception is relative, it almost feels as though this is okay what I'm feeling, that person singing / playing their instrument is feeling this way as well. You feel like they understand, and that makes you feel better. You aren't the first to have gone through this.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I listen to sad songs, even i didn't have a breakup, because I Didnot have a relationship but sometimes when I hmm and sing those sad songs mostly I singly few lines of sad songs songs itself my friends sat without break up and you sing with the feel of pain you would be depressed if you have a heart break like you won't come back from the dark zone it's just that pain attracts me i mean the emotion of sadness

[Genie23]

I understand

[Grond21]

Because in the moment, there is a catharsis to having your feelings reflected back at you by someone else. It's why they say that misery loves company. Because you want to share your feelings with someone else, and music gives you that sense of significance in that emotion.

But you're right, with negative emotions, it only makes them stronger. So it's nice while the song is playing, but worse in the long run

[Genie23]

Ah! I see. Thank you so much for explaining!

[Grond21]

My pleasure!

[jasontheasian]

From my own experience, listening to sad music is a way for me to have something relatable be talked or sung about. It doesn't directly make you happy but it makes you more emotionally vulnerable, which ends with crying and letting all of those pent up emotions out. And after you released all of those negative thoughts in your head through crying them out through music, you will feel a bit better. But thats also just my personal experience so i can't speak for others.

[Genie23]

I understand. It looks like some people actually find it easier to cry when they listen to sad songs while I can't help but cry even when I'm not listening to it, so when I listen to them, it makes mr cry even more and then I feel miserable 😬

[JimboGB]

Reflecting on the sad memories that the music evokes with a message they wanted to relate to. They seek this kind of identification when they want to re-experience those same emotions. Which can help distract the negative emotion from yourself onto another - the character in the song or someone you might know. It is a mental trigger which is a process of cognitive reappraisal.

[Genie23]

Ah, I see. Thank you for explaining. It helped.

[bluehen46]

Great question. I do too. Some times its to get deeper into thought at least for me. I actually have a play list for when my mother and father passed on ( different times natural causes)

[Genie23]

I'm SO sorry for your loss. I hope you're doing okay now.

Thank you for explaining!

[KeziL]

What makes me feel better when I'm sad is a good cry. I want to let my feelings out and deal with them for a bit, and then I'll talk to a friend or sleep it off and feel better.

[Genie23]

I see. Thank you for explaining!

[depressoexpresso]

Sad songs let you vent. Psychologically, crying makes hormones that calm you down, rather the angst of holding on to those tears

[jasontheasian]

Well that might explain why i physically need to cry at least a few times within a month..

[Genie23]

I see. It has quite the opposite effect on me. 😬 But I'm glad it actually helps some people feel better!