It has now been four and a half years since my father passed away. I was 16 years old and my Junior year of high school was just beginning. My dad and I didn’t have a close-knit relationship. He was extremely busy with being a pastor, going sailing, and doing his small gigs where he played saxophone with his band. Even when I was younger I observed how much he was always trying to escape his priorities; at least the ones that were harder to confront. One of those priorities was having a relationship with me. At this point in my life I’m okay with the fact that he wasn’t around a lot. The interesting thing about grieving, at least for me is that you take a certain amount of time to grieve over every aspect of your relationship with a person when they leave you. I have grieved over the fact that I didn’t have a relationship with him for quite some time, so at this point, I’m just at peace with it.
I don’t think anyone who has not lost a parent knows how often someone thinks of them even after so many years. I think about him everyday, but it doesn’t always make me sad anymore. In fact, I haven’t cried over my father for over a year. I’m just not someone that is extremely emotional. I don’t know if it’s whether I have learned to hold back, or if I just focus on the joys of life. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still hurting.
So this is why it was quite surprising to me that I found myself having a complete meltdown the other night on my bathroom floor.
I went to a Peter Frampton concert on Wednesday night. I remember when I saw the tickets go on sale a few months back, it instantly reminded me of my dad. I’m not even sure why. I even asked my siblings if they remembered my dad ever liking him, and they couldn’t recall. For whatever reason, I decided I wanted to go alone. With these instances where I feel like it’s something my dad would enjoy, I prefer it to be a personal experience.
When I arrived at the concert I felt really uncomfortable. Here I was sitting amongst hundreds of 60+ year old individuals completely alone, but once the concert started it wasn’t a huge deal anymore. Peter Frampton was the most beautiful guitar players I had the pleasure of witnessing. This guy played for three hours and the whole time I was wondering if his fingers were going to fall off. He said at one point, “I know you guys came out here to have fun, but you have no idea how much fun we’re having.” He reminded me so much of my father. Not that my dad could jam out as well as Frampton, but it was how passionate he was while he playing his guitar. I knew if he and my dad ever met, they would be good friends.
When I got home, I grieved over my father the way I hadn’t in so long. This time, it was remembering his passion. He was one of the most passionate people I have ever met and losing someone with that kind of zest for life is definitely a huge loss. It’s times like this where I feel like sometimes he speaks to me. It’s nice to know that even though we didn’t spend time together very often while he was alive, I can still share quality time with him by doing things I know he would love.
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To quote you " I don’t think anyone who has not lost a parent knows how often someone thinks of them even after so many years. I think about him everyday, but it doesn’t always make me sad anymore. In fact, I haven’t cried over my father for over a year. I’m just not someone that is extremely emotional. I don’t know if it’s whether I have learned to hold back, or if I just focus on the joys of life. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still hurting".
No disrespect to anyone but it is one of those things you only understand when you have gone through it yourself. People think they are making the right noises and giving comfort but it doesn't feel right unless you have grieved for a close loved one. I lost my father about a year and a half ago, I am guessing from the tone of your take it was just one of those times you wanted to unload. My heart goes out to you. There are quite a few Gaggers who have lost close family members so feel free to unload anytime I am sure someone will see it.
You give me hope that many years when i lose someone to death, they will still be with me.