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How To Handle Sensitive LGBT/GLBT Issues

How To Handle Sensitive LGBT/GLBT Issues



Whether you are gay or straight, supportive of or opposed to or ambivalent about GLBT rights, it is important to acknowledge LGBT people's history and interactions with mainstream heterosexual society.



Here are some things you may want to consider if you want to hold a polite conversation with them.


1. "You look just like a real woman!"


Do not say this to a trans woman, because this may be taken as an microaggressive insult to their identity. The underlying belief is that trans people believe they are "real" or just don't want to be recognized as different from the gender they identify with. Trans people believe that they are "real" in the sense that they exist as a human being and as a transgender person. Saying that they are real sounds like mocking their own identity. To put it into perspective, would you say "you look like a real woman" to a cis woman? Or would it just sound like stating the obvious in a sarcastic manner? If the answer is no, then you understand the microaggression. In addition, one thing that transgender people want is acceptance. Though, that seems to be what everyone wants. For example, one reason why religion is attractive to many people is that it provides acceptance, as acceptance is a psychological need. So, trans people just want to feel accepted as trans people. Maybe an LGBT-affirming church can offer that acceptance, if mainstream society doesn't.


2. "I'm glad you're being honest with me that you are trans."


Do not say this to a trans person. This one implies that trans people are not honest when they don't expose themselves, as if being trans is the trans person's fault in some way. The statement is assuming that trans people are not who they appear to be, and this discordance between physical attributes and self-identification is taken as "deception" or "lying". From the transgender person's point of view, the transgender person IS being honest by expressing his own sexuality. Honesty means coming out as trans, and coming out needs to be treated delicately, because, as I said before, transgender people want acceptance.


3. "Bisexuals are confused and polyamorous."


Do not say this to a bisexual person. The statement implies that bisexual people do not know their "true sexual orientation", so they prefer to experiment with both sexes. While there is a specific term for "experimenting with both sexes", which is bi-curious, using bisexual to describe a person's behavior will be taken as derogatory. Similarly, you cannot say to a bisexual person that the bisexual lives a polyamorous lifestyle, if all you know is that the person is bisexual. Bisexuals tend to distinguish themselves from true polyamorous people, because they may say that that they are just attracted to both genders, but may be only sexually active with one partner, male or female, at one time.


4. "That's so gay!"


Do not say this to a homosexual/gay/lesbian person. This statement may be interpreted as derogatory. Some people do get offended with the phrase, because they believe that the phrase indicates that homosexuals are reduced to a mere adjective, and not an adjective with noble character either, but an adjective that means that something is retarded, bad, or unfavorable. In a word, dehumanizing.


5. "Homosexuality is wrong!"


Do not say this to a gay/lesbian/homosexual person. Homosexuals typically believe that they have done no wrong, and that homosexuality is or should not be a crime or evil thing to be ashamed of. In their minds, homosexuality is just a normal, natural component of the wide spectrum of human sexuality, and this natural, normal trait should not be curbed by societal norms, religious beliefs, or medical practice. Anything that undermines their view of homosexuality, personal identity, and sense of dignity is generally not considered polite.


6. "Asexuals don't ever have sex."


Do not say this to an asexual person. Asexuals tend to see themselves as a diverse group. Some say they do; some say they don't. Personally, I think making a claim on human behavior can be very tricky, because humans are not easily manipulable. They can be manipulated, but manipulation often means you have to use deception. For ethical reasons, manipulation is discouraged, unless it is required to get results for a scientific study that has been approved by an ethics committee. So, the statement is just an unfounded claim that is extremely difficult to prove, because an asexual who has gotten married due to involvement by his parents, the spouse's parents, or a matchmaker can just have sex with his spouse and say, "Ha! You're wrong!" Therefore, this statement should not be said in polite, educated company.



Given that any topic related to sexuality tends to be personal, sensitive, heavily controversial if you do not know beforehand who you are speaking with or what their opinions are on the matter, the conversations can get extremely heated, or worse confrontational, if the participants disagree viscerally. It is best to avoid such highly contentious issues until you know a person extremely well and have been best buddies for some time. Though, if you do find yourself friends with a person who has come out to you, you may even wind up being supportive of the person and allowing the person to do whatever he wants (whether he wants to be celibate and not express unwanted sexual attraction or follow social norms in regards to dress and grooming or live his life as a member of an outed LGBT community). Just don't support him if he does something empirically harmful, like attempting to kill himself or looking for conversion therapy. Instead, try to get him to seek counseling or professional help.

How To Handle Sensitive LGBT/GLBT Issues
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