Meeting your significant others family for the first time over the holidays can be nerve racking. If you've been with him or her for a long time now, and the family has yet to meet you, this will be their first interaction with you, all of them...at once...all trying to get to know you, as well as judging and talking about you and how you are with your partner. Not to fret (too much anyway), you can do it.
1. Bring a peace offering
Bringing something like flowers, or wine, or something your significant other says their family loves, will help set you on the right foot. Whenever my sister in law visits, even to this day, she always brings my mom flowers, and my mom always appreciates them, so don't underestimate a little early greasing of the wheel.
2. Dress accordingly
Are these conservative people, really relaxed t's and jeans kind of people, dress up for dinner people? You don't want to have to change who you are on some internal level by wearing something you don't normally wear, but the intention is to make a good first impression and if grandma thinks any woman who wears a short skirt is a harlot, or tattoos and piercings are the devil, you might want to cover up a bit for at least your first visit. If anything, it's only a few days or just one, and then you can revert back to your normal self.
3. Be Polite, but don't go overboard
Yes ma'am, yes sir, please and thank you Mr. and Mrs. Jackson are good, but there is no need to go overboard with proving you know how to use a knife and fork. If someone wants you to drop the formalities, drop them. If you've offered a helping hand, and someone says no, don't insist that you insist that you help. A lot of people expect guests, to be guests, and not lift a finger, and if that is the case, then let it be. You offered, and that's good enough. Also obsessively saying please and thank you can get real fake, real quick.
4. Be clean
You are in someone else's house, and no matter how comfortable you are with your girlfriend or boyfriend or that they tell you you should just relax and let go and don't have to worry about your mess...clean up after yourself. Unless told to, don't leave dishes behind, don't leave the bed unmade, don't leave your droppings all over the bath. Keep tidy.
5. Don't be afraid
Everyone knows you don't really know anybody in the family, so no one expects you to be center of attention holding the crowd, but being able to mingle without being tethered to your significant other is a good thing. Branch off and talk to the family and get to know a few people. If you're good with kids, offer to take the rugrats to the park so the family can prepare dinner without them running underfoot. Kids have no filter, and if you're awesome, they will for sure blab to everyone else about it.
6. Keep it PG
Your first visit should not be the time that the entire family discovers what you sound like in the throws of le petit mort. You have the whole rest of the year to heavily make out with and have crazy sex with your partner, but keep your interactions chaste---a few kisses, hugs, snuggling up, cool.
7. Let your significant other see their family
His or her family may not have seen your partner all year long, but you may have. Let the family have some time with your partner. It's not going to be a good look if your goal is to just get in and get out and go back to your lives never to have to see them again until the next year. Don't consume your partner like some unhinged jawed snake, let them hang out.
8. Don't forget why you're there
You are there to meet the family, not spend all your time hiding or working on your laptop or trying to avoid everyone in a succession of phone calls that you absolutely "must take." The family is watching you and how you interact with your significant other. A bad first impression is one in which you always seem to care about everything and everyone else but your boyfriend/girlfriend. If it really is a work thing or something else of importance, you and your significant other should let the head of the household know up front that you need to dedicate x time to finish this task, but after that you are going to be free...and then stick to that and be completely present after that or if you are staying in a hotel, only do work or other activity when you are not in front of the family.
9. Refrain from bitchery
The walls are thin, and with so many family in and out and walking around, everyone has an ear out either purposefully or unintentionally. If you're on a rant and complaining about the food, your accommodations, how you were treated by this or that family member, it may filter right on out to everyone by way of "telephone." One person tells someone else, they embellish what you said, and the next thing you know, you're being confronted, or you don't know why you're getting the frosty treatment all of a sudden. Keep it to yourself. Even telling your significant other right then and there, may lead him or her to want to say something on your behalf thinking it will help, when it may land you both in trouble. Suck it up for a few days.
10. Leave a note
Just like you came in with a peace offering, leave one as well. Leave a hand written note for the head of household and the family, explaining how much you appreciate them letting you stay and how lovely your significant others family was to you. Be sure to mention a few moments where you really enjoyed yourself or someone's kindness. It's a great way to leave a good lasting impression.
Most Helpful Opinions