It's confusing but I don't really remember even one day without my brother. I don't remember how I was before meeting him, since I am only 1.5 years older than him.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of person I would be without him in my life. I assume I would continue living as the youngest and the most carefree and pampered one out of my cousins, until one day from being the youngest sister (I and my cousins always used to be like sisters) I suddenly turned into the oldest sister.
Well, the first time I remember I already was a big sister.
As an oldest sibling my parents always expected a lot from me. They taught me subjects of the first grade at the age of 3. Mom started teaching me Russian and English at the age of 3 (I had to quit English lessons soon). At the age of 5 I went to school and was the youngest pupil in my class, yet my parents demanded me to be the best and the first in everything.
I saw It as my duty and never felt bad for it.
I was called the smartest, strongest, fastest, best and all kind of "est" you can imagine. While my brother had more time and freedom to enjoy his childhood.
Probably It was hard for him to have a sister who was thought to be the "best" in everything but I think in truth It was good for him. Since he didn't have to sacrifice his childhood to the titles that didn't really matter.
I can say he enjoyed the childhood at its best.
Being the older sister made me feel a huge responsibility to my brother and the fact that my parents thought I was a smart kid and that they expected me to act like a mature human being, I felt I needed to meet their standards and always acted like that.
That being said, I loved my brother's carefree and wild nature and I wanted him to stay like that forever. He was like an innocent little thing in my eyes that I needed to protect from the outside world and I had an motherly instinct to care for him.
His tendency of creating the troubles, teasing the kids outside and being super annoying, provocative and trouble loving kid, made it a hard mission for me, since every time when we went out, he teased some older boys, who of course, wanted to show him a lesson and would probably try to beat him badly, If I didn't have a talent of suddenly appearing and saving him in these situations :D
Ohh, It was a huge ego boost!
When you stand in front of your little brother and bunch of older boys want to beat him up, you get wild and uncontrollable, there's no force that can make you stop from protecting the boy standing behind your wing. You feel like you're all fire, lioness and the Wonder Woman.
"Step forward and you'll regret",
"Don't ever dare touching him or I'll break your hands" - I remember saying things like that to make them scared and It always worked :D
The fact that he always had a big strong sister by his side, made him more and more brave. Wrestling all the time with each other and having to fight with an older sister who was physically stronger than him, made him more strong and strategic. (Yeah, we would fight and wrestle all the time when at home, well actually, no one had a right to mess with my brother, except me :D )
I remember at one stage of his school life, he changed his class where he was actually very popular. In the new class he was also the most handsome boy, all girls liked him, so of course boys got jealous and started trying to bully him. But my brother was not an easy prey.
I remember one day, I went out of the school and saw that dozen boys chasing my brother and my brother running and throwing them things. Of course my first instinct was to chase these boys. So situation was like that. They chased my brother and I chased them :D
When they stopped, my brother was gone far and he had no idea I chased them too. I started talking with these boys and tried to make things clear by telling the things:
"So 10 boys against the one, ha? The most cowardly thing I've seen. You don't have guts to go on him one on one because you know he will beat you so that you won't even recognize your mother, so you decided it is a manly thing to do? Don't do it again or you will have serious problems, I swear, you don't know my brother, he is crazy when he's angry, pray that he won't get angry, you stupid kids".
I remember some of them got scared but the one of them laughed and said "If he was so strong as you say, why are you here, why does he need the protection of a GIRL?" my answer was "you are lucky It's me in front of you and not him because if It was him you wouldn't be alive". We parted but their words stuck in my mind, If I was a boy and protected my brother no one would think It's weird but just because I was a girl they thought less of my brother. As if I had no right to protect him just because I was a female.
Overtime my brother felt more and more uncomfortable when I defended him until one day he said "I am a man, I will defend myself, please don't speak instead of me again". I couldn't understand what he wanted until my mom explained me
"For him to gain respect of others, he needs to gain your respect first. He needs you to let him be the man and be the defender. That's the only way he will manage to grow up as a strong man. If you keep being the dominant and protective one, his future wife will oppress him, he won't have a strong mind and he'll always wait for others to defend him. When you are out never show others that his words are meaningless to you, be the first one who believes in him, because if everyone sees how much YOU respect your brother, they will do the same thing. Give in your place of being the first if you want him to grow up a strong man. Do you want him to be seen as a weak man?".
- Hell I didn't want it.
Well, It was like a strike for me, I was used to be the defender, being protective, strong and dominant was in my nature and I had to reject my nature for my brother's future, so that he could be respected and no one could oppress him. I admit, It wasn't easy for me, It was very hard but If It was about well-being of my brother, I would do anything. So I did it, I stopped doing the thing that I thought I was born for - protecting my little brother.
I think It really changed me as a person, I learned that sometimes compromises are necessary. If you really love a person you must give in something. If not my brother I would probably be a bit selfish, and controlling. But with him in my life, he made me more soft, gentle, caring and empathetic.
I learned how to be with a man and let him be a man, without losing myself, how to be a winner but also give others the chance of being the winners. I learned how to share and how to soften my sharp angles.
And one beautiful day, at the age of 9 or 10 , he went out without me, he played near our home and as an still a bit overprotective sister, I looked at him from the window :D Just wanted to make sure he had no problems.
He was playing with the girl from our neighborhood when suddenly his "enemy"- Luke - appeared, I got tensed, but my brother acted chill and didn't even pay attention to him. Luke didn't dare to mess with my brother directly so he started teasing the girl in a rude way. I remember how proud I felt when I saw how my brother suddenly stood in between him and the girl and started fighting with Luke defending the girl. Luke run away. My brother claimed his territory. I felt like my mission was over. He was a man. I felt so proud and happy that he was my brother.
Growing up he would always be the brave and strong one in his friends' circle and outside. His friends admire him and the ones who are not his friends want to be his friends and always when I hear a story of him, I feel proud inside, that's my boy, the boy I let to be strong.
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My sisters are all older than I am, so growing up they were always protective of me. Even to this day they still look out for me especially when it comes to dating.
Very good Take 👍👍
Thank you. I am still protective of him but without making him feel less masculine. Me being too strong and protective made him feel like he was less masculine.
im a only child and cannot relate
Interesting take