How to Deal With Overly Protective Parents

ragequeen

I think some of us have been there. If you have the feeling that you have overly protective parents, this MyTake is for you. Not only will I mention a few things to remember about such parenting, but I will provide you with a few signs on protective parenting, as well as tips on how to deal with it; because trust me, it is not easy.

It is also important to keep in mind that parents will be protective no matter what, especially if you live at home. If that is the case for you, the unfortunate truth is that they have the right to act this way, because it is their house and their rules. There are things you can do to minimize it, however. All in all, this MyTake is for all you adults out there who still feel like they are living at home even after moving out.

First and most important thing to remember about overly protective parents: they care about you and love you.

Even if you do not see it, or their often bossy nature makes you want to run away and never look back, it is important to remember that all they want to do is protect you. If you forget this, you might want to rebel and do crazy things just to prove a point; that you are an adult. Just remember to keep this in mind and it will make everything a lot easier, trust me.

Your parents love you!
Your parents love you!

There is a big difference between abusive parents and overly protective parents, and you have it a lot better than you think.

Sure, there are a few "abusive" qualities in ANY overprotective relationship. Partners who prevent you from doing things can say they do so out of love as well, so it is important to spot the differences early. However, abusive parents will often physically hurt you, isolate you and manipulate you. Overly protective parents will (most of the time) have very good reasons to act the way they do, but they can come across as extreme and controlling. But parents who truly love you will never intend to hurt you.

There is a big difference between abusive and overly protective parents.
There is a big difference between abusive and overly protective parents.

However, I am not trying to glorify overly protective parents, because they can have a very negative impact on children`s lives, and there is plenty of scientific research to prove this. Here are some examples of signs of (negative) overly protective parenting:

1. They want to know everything about your life.

Overly protective parents will often demand or put pressure on you for telling them a lot of things or even everything about your life. Who do you spend time with? What do you do in your spare time? When do you go to bed? How often do you do homework? What happens in class? Who are your professors? Are you dating? Are examples of questions that some parents want to know about their child`s lives. Sure, it does not seem bad that they are curious about those things in your life. But it can get too much, and it should be up to the child to come and tell them detailed stuff about them.

2. They treat you like you are unable to see consequences or get out of them on your own.

Often, overly protective parents will try to keep you from all potential dangers in life. For example, if you get stuck in a situation, be it financial, social or romantic, overly protective parents will get heavily involved in your problems and get you out. As this seems kind and positive, it prevents the child from learning to deal with consequences properly on their own. The child should only ask for help if they need it.

3. They help you out in every aspect of life, because they are worried that you are unable to deal with it yourself.

This one is closely tied with #2 and is pretty self- explanatory.

4. You feel anxiety and heavy pressure to include them in all of your life decisions.

Did you start dating someone? Oh no... what will mom and dad think about this and that person? Do you want to get a new car? But will they accept the type of model and price of the car? I want to start going to the gym every day... what will they think of that? Will they think it is a waste of money?

Thoughts like these are very common amongst people who have overly protective parents. Every life decision must inlude mom and dad, because their approval is everything, and they already make you feel like you cannot make decisions on your own. This is very bad because the child loses confidence in making their own choices, and if they turn out to be good, the parents are the ones who deserve credit. Now you have to live with the fact that every good choice you make is because of them, and if you do not let them have impact on your choices, crap can go down. It is also important to remember that bad choices are a part of life, and very important for individual development and independency. Unless the child is planning to give up on life completely, spend all their money or waste their lives, direct parental involvement should not be necessary.

5. They have strong opinions and get involved in your romantic and social relationships.

If you start dating someone or get involved with new people, they will know really fast. They will ask you everything about them, but they are not afraid to give you their opinions on them, either. They will want to know who their family is, what their future goals are and their pasts. If they do not like them, they will let you know, and maybe put pressure on you to get rid of them. This behavior is not healthy either, because the child needs to find out for themselves who they want in their lives and who they do not want. If parents constantly feel the need to help the child out of a romantic or social situation, the child will become insecure and uncertain about who they actually want to be with. If the relationship (romantic or social) is abusive, makes the child cry or depressed, the parents have the right to interfere. But otherwise, at the end of the day, it is not their choice to make and should not interfere whatsoever.

Some parents but more (negative) pressure on their children than intended.
Some parents but more (negative) pressure on their children than intended.

How to deal with overly protective parents

I do not think it is possible to change your parents` ways of parenting. It is, however, possible to deal with it and learn how to minimize their impact on your life. Here are a few personal tips:

Talk to them. I know this point is difficult, especially if you suffer from anxiety and respect your parents (you are used to saying yes to everything they say). But, you have to remember that your health and well- being comes first, and they need to respect this. It helps a lot to sit down in a calm environment and calmly discuss how their involvement is affecting you.

Learn how to tell them less and less about your life, even if they ask. You are an adult, and you have a right to privacy. Your family members have no business in your dating life or social relationships if you do not wish to tell them.

Make decisions first, then tell them. If you are confident about something or someone, make the decision and tell them after. This teaches them to accept things as they are, and that you can make decisions without their approval or involvement. Also, if the choice turned out to be bad, you will learn to deal with it yourself. This will help you grow to be a confident, strong and independent individual.

Get used to standing your ground. If you feel your family getting to involved in your life and privacy, there is no shame in telling them that it gets too much. Get used to saying no and being strong when it comes to decision making. Your parents do not like what you are doing? Keep going! Trust yourself, and tell yourself that it is okay to make mistakes. Show strength, and they will grow confidence in you, too.

Remember YOUR happiness COMES FIRST!
Remember YOUR happiness COMES FIRST!

Let me know your thoughts in the comments! Do you have experience with overly protective parents? Do you maybe have some advice?

How to Deal With Overly Protective Parents
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Lliam
    Good MyTake, ragequeen. My parents were very protective, each in their own way. They loved me very much and were never physically or deliberately emotionally abusive.

    I won't go into it because it would require the writing of a book.

    The offshoot was, I wound up rebelling in my late teens. I didn't stop loving or appreciating my parents. I didn't break contact. But I was tired of being treated like a child, a pet, or an object with no right to thoughts, feelings or desires of my own.
    I became guided by my peers because it seemed that my parents had their own interests, not mine, at heart.

    If my parents had gradually released the apron strings and allowed me express myself in terms of, for example, fashion choices, they could have had much more influence over my lifestyle and life choices.

    My life wound up working out quite well. I did have a lot of fun. But, based on some of my choices early on, it could have gone more sideways.

    I was always a hard worker and wound up with a great career. Because I was busy having fun, I wasn't interested in getting married and having a family when I was young. I finally got married when I was 40. As it turns out, my wife is a big fan or counseling. I went along with her desires. It's because of counseling sessions that I became aware of how much rage I was holding toward my loving parents. They damaged me in many ways without intending to.

    I've finally come to terms with it. But my personality and some of my behaviors are a result of my upbringing.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Lliam

      @TeresaTeach. Hell yeah. That was/is one of the ways of enjoying and celebrating life. 😎😜😄

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • ArrowheadSW
    I didn't have overly protective parents. But the craziest overprotective parent story that I know of is a family where the 19 year old daughter was away for college. The parents insisted that she be back in her dorm room by 9 PM every night. (I guess she had a regular plug in phone in the dorm room, because they would call that.) The daughter had made some friends and was hanging out with them, and she was also joining a service organization. Because she wasn't back in her room by 9 every night, the parents were starting to throw a fit. One evening the daughter outright told them that she wouldn't be back every night by 9. The father was in the process of leaving to make the 3 hour drive to go and "pick her up and take her out of college" at that simple act of defiance. I guess his brother talked him out of it.

    Oh, and the next year, the parents made her go to a local college. They acted like she was flunking out because she had a "B" average.

    I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with parents like THAT!!!
    • That's an example of ABUSIVE parents, not overprotective.

    • LOL Imagine the dad getting ready to leave at 10 PM to go "take her out of college"... As if she is going to cooperate and leave with him in the middle of the night? What kind of scene would it have created in the dorm? It is just dumb.

      Their other daughter went to the US Naval Academy in Annapolis. I can see why. Her parents couldn't try to control her there...

  • jojixlight
    My parents are like that lol. They're overprotective when it comes to boys they don't want me to talk to any boy. Plus if I don't follow whatever they want they turn to be abusive physically and mentally.
    Talking to them suck tbh I mean it's kind of useless. I hope to get enough freedom one day and away from them!
  • fit_single_mom
    My parents were very overprotective especially my dad. I hated how he treated me different from my brother which included spanking me.
    • The way my dad treated me I felt like I was nothing more than a vagina that he had to protect from the sex crazed boys

    • SubhaDhar

      Its very painful.

  • funride74
    Very difficult to handle. Only thing could either to become a complete rebel, or trying to move boundaries by testing limits. Sometimes also being shockingly direct helps. All in all you won't change them easily
  • TheAfrikan
    @ragequeen i have to Say you are absolutely right.
    Well explained no errors am seeing.
    N. B when you said that there is a difference between. Abusive and over protective parents. Then that enough for a smart person to reason with. 👍
  • Pulseofsulfur
    My mom is a over protective parent. I just want to do shit without my mom worrying were I'm at 24/7. It makes me frustrated that I can't do shit like hangout with friends till like next week or whatever
  • yuolaz
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  • Shezadi
    I didn't really read each word. I just skimmed because I am lazy. But I like the pictures!
    • You're into sacarsm here, be careful 😄

  • amyba
    I grew up with that, its messes you up. So apparently you can get social anxiety from parents like that. Which I have. I have no idea how to deal with it so would be nice to read people answers
  • Gedaria
    Try to remember they have gone through what you are trying to negotiate. They are trying to protect you. I've been on both sides so I can see what you mean...
  • anon1903
    My folks and authoritarian parenting...


    Sighs.



    Great take girl!!
  • dextwhite
    For sure it's not okay for parents to interfere in children's life when they become adults
    But until you're under their roof you gotta follow their rules
    • 8lutty

      what if they forbit u fap? some rule is ridiculous to follow haha

  • yenofed840
    when person become parent, then they real mean of parenthood. and understood why parents were overprotecting them
  • gaygod_19
    i just moved out and stop talking to them for a year
  • bklynbadboy1
    Yesssss! I've been there and the only way I could think k of is to move out like I did.
  • soharsstady
    I think guys and girls alike should not allow over protective parents to assume roles in their life
  • lsjr16
    I have an over protective mom. Do things with out them knowing. Like I drank with out them knowing.
  • I feel like every or almost every parent has some of this in them.
  • alice55
    I have overprotective parents but I'm naturally quite submissive so I listen 99 % of the time and even if I don't listen at first I come to realize it's better if I just listen *-*
    I live sheltered all my life so I'm pretty naive (even my little sister is less naive than but I think that's mainly cause she's the rebellious type). so even if I wanted to be independent and make decision alone i wouldn't be able to since I'm so indecisive and lost *-* (and when I take a decision alone it often doesn't end up nicely).
    • Chat me up then

    • 8lutty

      yeah people should considered other opinion when they are less exp

  • QueenOfBaku
    Nice points
  • eywee
    I needed a familial therapy... It temps us a lot
    • eywee

      Help us à lot*

  • Nahid1707
    You made good points.
  • Bananaman177
    Just go out and get date-raped, that'll show 'em.
    • You're probably one of those sick fucks that would do that to them. Thy are protecting their kids from SCUM like you. No, you do NOT get to respond, you are blocked and reported.

    • 8lutty

      @kespethdude he could be sarcasm to those kid who think their parent is bad for protecting them, and now for not listening, the kid done for.

    • @8lutty I'm not a rapist, I protect women while internet tough guys like him piss themselves in fear.

  • AkshiJanjua
    my parents can be irritating sometimes
  • Anonymous
    Good points. I think the best way is always to be confident and show that you can be trusted in your decisions. I struggle with this personally because I have an insecure personality but my brother who is very confident gets away with doing what he wants to do because he's shows no doubt and he always says what he feels and proves he's responsible. Well pretty much all those points your mentioned. I need to practice that myself, so I know from experience that always second-guessing your own decisions and such makes your parents more protective because they will see you as someone who needs protection because you always ask for advice and aren't confident enough to stand your ground. That makes them hink you won't stand your ground to other people either which might put you on bad situations.
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