Your Problems Don't Matter If Someone Else Has Cancer

[Anonymous]

Years back, just a few days after I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, and I was stressing out about it and telling a friend all the ways my life would have to change and all the things I was dealing with, her response was, "well, at least it's not cancer, because that's tough."

Um, thank you, I too am glad I don't have cancer and I agree cancer is tough, but can I not talk about me and the illness I was JUST diagnosed with five minutes ago? Why do people always diminish someone else's issues. While I will say complaining that you used to have 2 tvs and now you only have one, probably isn't something to write home about, but other more significant issues should be someone's right to talk about or complain about as long as they don't become a habitual whiner about it.

I don't have all the answers in life and when something goes wrong in my life and I'm trying to figure it out, talking helps. Complaining sometimes helps! I do it sometimes if only to help me get it out of my system so I can clear my head and find a solution. My chronic illness is a life time issue that I have to deal with and as such I have good days and bad, and when people make claims like, "oh, it's nothing because it's not cancer," or "if they were me, they'd handle it this way," I immediately say, "but you're not me and you aren't dealing with this, and FYI, it's hard AF."

We all have problems and on a sliding scale, someone who's house just burned down is probably much bigger than you spraining your wrist, but it's also not a competition. Everyone deals with what they are dealing with as their lot in life or their own misfortunes in life. Comparing someone's problems to someone elses as if to say they don't actually matter as long as someone out there has it worse, is paying that friend or person a huge disservice and that doesn't actually do anything to help the problems and issues they do have. My advice is rather than shut someone down and walk away, actually offer them some advice or an encouraging word, or just listen to them vent for a second because I'm pretty sure somewhere down the line, you'd want the same.

[SketchForger]

People who try to compare their suffering to you, it's literally the only thing they have in life, so they take ownership of it and defend it.

[Brewmaster531]

I had to deal with this stuff. Once, I was in 8th grade and was in class before class started. My uncle's dog, a dog I grew up with had an infection that basically wasn't caught early enough. I knew this one day that she was going to be put down, and I was sad. Wasn't crying yet but I was definitely fighting tears. This one girl notices and asks why. I tell her. Her response? She has a family friend in the hospital that they aren't sure is going to make it. And not only did she say that, she said it with the same tone this MyTake's title has. I'm not allowed to be sad because a dog from my childhood was about to be put to sleep? I hate that every time I tell a story about something not so good, some douchebag feels the need to tell a story that one ups my story. Why? People tell me about their grandfather passing away. I don't explain to them that I never met any of my grandfathers because they were all dead before I was born. Someone is grieving. It doesn't help when I try to downplay their emotions.

[myTake Owner]

It begs the question for some people.. where does that spiral end? Do you have to have cancer, a dog dying, be a homeless man with no legs and no jacket in the freezing cold, and be estranged from your 3 kids... all in order for someone to validate that you indeed have problems? There is a huge crater between enabling a whiner and empathizing with what others are going through. Not only that, it's part of what makes a person a good friend. It's their ability to be by your side when you are telling them, as you had, that your dog might be put down soon.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@myTakeOwner I agree. What may be a big problem to one person may not be to another. What does it take having a heart attack, having a stroke, having a leg amputated, going blind in both eyes, and being deaf in your right ear etc.

[FadedGrenade]

I agree. All problems are relative. I have bladder cancer and was drawn to this myTake. And though it's a terminal illness, I still respect other people's problems. Their problems matter. My problems matter too. I have problems besides my illness. I have depression and BDD. Those problems don't suddenly become meaningless with cancer (or something like AIDS, homelessness, starvation etc). I was struggling with those things before diagnosis, and they are still huge problems in my life. Anyone who disregards your problems and struggles because 'at least it is not cancer' is not someone you want to be around. Nice Take.

[myTake Owner]

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis, I really am. What you've said is what completely resonates with me. When you have the ability to say, "I have problems but I understand your pain at dealing with what you deal with and I hope that you can reciprocate by trying to understand my own problems that I'm telling you," I think that makes a person an empathetic human being. I never expect anyone to just get it automatically or what I go through or to be empathetic all the time, but when someone can't seem to ever be that way, it's a problem. You also make a saliant point about problems not disappearing because you have new ones. It's not a straight forward mathematical equation where A-B=C; they can most certainly get worse, or overlap, or one could get better, but the others worse.

[Slimey2]

I hate those people who are so ignorant and just say

you dont look sick

you are putting it on

at least you are getting better

urggghh, drama queen (true)

goddammit guys, IBD is an invisible illness, it's hard to diagnosed and it's hard to cope. where is your sympathy?

[myTake Owner]

Yes, it's the old adage where people have to see it to believe it, yet you can't do it with any of the invisible diseases and mental health issues that exist out there which compounds the struggle. One does not have to have cancer to be in pain, to deal with a struggle, or to be in poor health.

[Guanfei]

"Your Problems Don't Matter If Someone Else Has Cancer"

That kind of statement always made me cringe. The fact that someone has it worse doesn't mean your problems doesn't matter.

"Cutting both your arms hurts more than just cutting one, but that doesn't mean that cutting one doesn't hurt" as my grandpa said.

[oOsecret_starlandsOo]

I think its meant to be a bright side of things statement.

Honestly if you are down and someone just adds to your complaining or mopiness it doesn't do anything but make it worse.

Like 10% empathy, 90% well being upset about it won't change anything, good thing its not cancer - lets go get some ice cream 😁

Some people are problem solvers, so they figure the best support is to find a solution rather tham cry over circumstance.

It can come off cold heartedly.

I have an intestinal disease that tears holes throughout my gut, making digesting a nightmare, but it could be worse - I could have cancer / ebola / aids etc

Its humbling, and makes you thankful even for the pain / bad news you have.

[myTake Owner]

This isn't about adding to the mopiness as in enabling someone. In my example I got life changing news and was told 5 minutes later that it basically doesn't matter because someone else has cancer and basically therefore, stop worrying about it. You tell a friend your issues because you want someone who will listen and show you care about them. Being dismissive only made me feel 100 times worse on top of the news. If a friend is the problem solving type, they would offer advice or to help you sort through your issue or let you know someone who could. Just telling someone... someone else has it worse, does not make you feel better or solve anything.

[oOsecret_starlandsOo]

Ooooh I see, geeze that is pretty rude.

I had a friend who was pretty selfish in that way, I would have an issue she would treat as small, but try and make it seem like the world had to stop for her petty issues.

Not saying your friend is like that, but I relate to that feeling of being blown off

[name_is_christian]

Yes cancer is hard, but it does not mean other things are not just as difficult. A chronic illness is major. At one time, AIDS was a death sentence, now it is more treatable with a drug that slows the progression, plus more is known about how it is transferred and it is not just a gay male disease. But that does not mean AIDS should be not looked at more, it still affects thousands of men and women daily. Strokes are major and life changing. One stroke can affect one person lightly, while it can hit another person with a strong force where they have to be wheelchair bound for life.
Everyone's problems matters, not one persons over another.

[martsa]

I know how you feel... I got a friend who was like that. Everytime if I worried about something or wanted to complain/tell my problems she would be ''Well my problems are much bigger than yours so stop'' and it made me feel like I don't have right to lift any burdens from my heart and no one really is interested to listen my problems even thought I always listened her problems and gave her my support.
Any kind of illness are rough to handle especially when it's going to change your whole life. You deserve a person who listens and support you. I wish you a lot of strength :)

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for saying this. With my illness, I don't seek pity. I try to be the strongest I can in the face of adversity, but I break down sometimes. Dealing with this all the time is hard and when someone else doesn't even have to think about some of the things I do, for them to tell me, its not hard or it's not a valid problem is completely dismissive and to me shows a lack of any type of empathy that should be had by at the very least, someone you call a friend.

You have the type of friend who is a one upper, but this is the worst kind where they find that life should be a competition for who has it worse... no one wants to win that! It should be about mutual respect. I hear that you have issues and I'll do my best to help you with them and vice versa.

[CubsterShura]

When I talk about my math anxiety with my parents, mom is like "many people don't have arms and legs and have this disability and that disorder" mom it's not gonna get me an A+ in math mom help me.

[1truekhaleesi]

Saying someones problems dont matter because someone, somewhere has it worse makes me cringe. I shattered my entire left foot when I was 12. It hurt like a bitch and I was in a cast of some sort for 7 months. And yet, whenever I burn my tongue on my coffee in the morning that hurts too.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Cancer in the throat. Fuck it. I'm buff and I fuck tons of women. I'll live until it kills me. I literally have to choke down food by slamming water and it hurts. Sometimes it makes me puke. Fuck docters... I'm hoping it will kill me because life sucks anyways.

So your chronic illness. If you say depression, I'd fucking laugh and hopefully die from it.

[Crocuta_crocuta]

I can't stand those people who complain about their coffee not being perfect and sending it back, but medical issues or things that are really affecting someone's life seriously, as long as they don't go on about it, is not complaining.
Now, if they tell you about it more than like, three times in a complaining manner, then that's complaining

[Plumy]

Cancer can also come in form of a chronic illness and sometimes it is hard to hear others talking about it because it reflects on the personal problem and... Not wanting to think about it

[SebShaw82]

It comes across as rather arrogant to say that. Somebody with chronic depression still matters, another person with cerebral palsy still matters as do those with Crohn's disease.

[Anonymous]

It's always the kids in Africa thing for me, always making my problems sound trivial by comparison, starting to really hate those little bastards

[Punzie_]

yeah bc it's always been shoved down most people's throats that they have it worse so you basically are so spoiled to feel bad when you have an issue. i hated that. i feel for the OP because they have just discovered something big about them and how it can affect their life now, but it is currently a biased point of view and an incorrect one with bitterness. i hope the best for everyone because we all have issues and all have the right just as much as anyone else to have emotions related to it. she did disclaim a bit about that in the end but the title says it all still

[Maxemeister]

Who is telling you that yours isn't that bad cuz it's not cancer?

[Anonymous]

Agreed everyone has problems so get on with it.

[LegateLanius]

Everyone's problems matter

[Revolver_]

I don't care about other people with cancer

[Anonymous]

Problem is a problem, cancerous or not

[SkittleMayn]

Well said