Well, here we are

[Anonymous]

I don't even know how to start. So many things in my life are not okay right now.

Number one. My grandpa is sick. He has cancer and my aunt takes care of him, because he can't even get up. I can see how much energy it takes from her and I want to help somehow, but there isn't anything I can do.

Number two. One of my friends has feelings for me, but I don't feel the same way. I told him how it is a while ago, but he's still trying and I don't want to hurt him by rejecting him again and again. He's a great guy and it kills me that I'm doing it to him.

Number three. My best friend's life is seriously forked up. She's got problems with her family, friends and none of it is her fault. She has suicidal thoughts (she says she's too scared to kill herself, but still). I always ask her if there's anything I can do for her, but she says there's nothing anyone can do. When there's just the two of us, she 's herself and shows her emotions at least a little, but when we're around other people she just puts on a fake smile and pretends everything's great. She started pushing me away recently. I don't know if I did anything, but she's so cold towards me, we rarely speak to eachother, she never responds to my messages. I've cried so much because of her, but I can't tell her that, because she would take it the wrong way and things would have gotten even worse.

Number four. The guy I've had feelings for for more than four years. I've tried to get over him for the past three years, but every time I thought I did it, he did something nice, or said something that made me fall right back. I told him how I feel about him four months ago or so and he never said anything. I didn't even get rejected or friendzoned. That sucks, because I know he doesn't feel the same way, but I keep on hoping, and thinking what if. He's a great guy, the best one I know and for the past year he had something on and off (mostly off) with some girl and I trully want to be happy for them, but whenever I see them together at a party, I get jealous and insecure. And it hurts so much.

There's a lot more going on, but I simply don't have the energy to write everything down. The things I wrote are extremely simplified.

I want to be positive, and I keep telling myself it's going to get better, I'd just like to know when. I thought about going to a therapist, because I feel miserable and I need to talk to someone who's not involved, but I can't talk to my parents, because they would just tell me that I'm overreacting, plus some of the people mentioned above are kids of my parents' best friends. I just don't know who to talk to about all of this and keeping it in doesn't seem like a good idea.

[Spiritwander]

Now, see, when I read stuff like this, it makes me want to line up "social engineers" and just straight bitchslap them, one after another, right down the line... 😡 (But I'll number the responses to keep them separated)😅

#1 - Yes, there IS something you can do... You can be there for them in any way you can. Its complicated, but offspring are psychologically *not* predisposed to taking care of their elders. As the grandkid, you can help be there for your grandma (when she probably needs the excuse for a break the most). TRUST ME ON THIS!!! NO GRANDMA EVER looks at her granddaughter as a burden (even to the ones that are!), and in their final years, believe it or not, your presence from time to time visiting & checking in, may make all the world of difference, and help reinstill a sense of joy into her life, that she may then, in turn, pass to her ailing husband.

#2 - (I'll handle #2 & #4 together, since it's kinda the same issue)

#3 - Oh hun, I feel for everyone of you who feels for others like this...
Its ALWAYS hardest to feel powerless to help those you care about most.
Just let your BFF know you're only a phone call or text away, and let her know you'll be there for her when you can!

NOW... (before dealing w/ Mr. 2 and Mr. 4...)
*BREATHE*! Learn to take a little bit of time out of every single day for yourself - all to you. Just to do, yanno, whatever makes YOU happy...
Take it from someone who just "wasted their life" trying to make others happy and forgetting oneself in their problems: all it will do is end up making you miserable (as it sounds like you're already discovering).
You GOTTA take time for you to just be you... (... and remind yourself that YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR OR ANYONE'S ISSUES!!!)

NOW, on to the Mr/Mr problema...
Mr #2 - Not to sound cold about this, but... He's *supposed to be* your friend, right? Would a friend dump *even more on top* of all the issues weighing you down right now? [Think about that one for a second]
*Right now* (with everything going on), I'd look at him and say, "Hey, you know I'm going through some things right now, and I really just need time by myself to get my head straight..."
(*Technically* he's already "friendzoned", so... shove his ass on the backburner on "simmer till he grows up"... And here's the key; DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS OR DOES IN RESPONSE)

FINALLY, Mr #4...
No. You *don't* know that he doesn't feel the same way...
So, (let me explain) sometimes a guy "goes quiet" because he knows you're going through a rough time [or maybe *he's* going through a rough time, too], and he just doesn't want to burden you with his issues... (*That's* a rare guy, these days, to be sure).

These days, I've seen more people "miscategorizing" relationship dynamics more than ANYTHING. I'd have to know more about the dynamics of his "other interest" to be able to offer any valuable advice, but it sounds to me like you might be on the wrong track with him.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, that really helps❤

[Spiritwander]

That's what I'm here for!

Now it's off to the next damsel in DISTRESS!
(*tosses out iconic red cape*, starts running, gets tangled in it, trips and slumps like a sack of potatoes half a block later)

[Muffled, several minutes later]: "... I'm OK!!!" (from under the cape) "... I'm just owning my shame in a heap here... ow, shit! ... I think I busted my knee..."

😉😂

[myTake Owner]

LoL😂😂😂😂

[nerms123]

I have related to this type of situation several times in my life so I will give you the advice I wish I could go back in time and give my past self. It may or may not apply to you or may or may not help but here goes just incase it might.

Firstly I would stop chasing the guy who’s not that into you. It’s never worth it in my experience to pine after guys who don’t reciprocate in some ways because relationships are a two way street.

Secondly I actually suggest you date the guy who actually likes you. I know some people might not agree but hear me out. Most relationships don’t last forever anyway. He wants to date you and you want support. I think in this case it’s a fair exchange. At least he can’t say you didn’t give him a chance and you will feel loved which you kinda need right now.

Thirdly I would make it clear to the best friend that you are always there for her but you don’t want to put pressure on her so you are going to give her space. Then basically stop worrying about her the best that you can. Her life problems and choices are not your responsibility and you can only help someone so much. You’ve already tried and you’re still available but you can’t ruin yourself over someone else who pushes you away. You need to protect your own emotional health in order to even be able to help.

Lastly, the situation with your grandpa is a bit similar. Basically I suggest writing to your aunt either by hand or text or email and saying that you think about her and grandpa a lot and you really want to help but don’t feel like there’s much you can do. Tell her to let you know if there is anything you can do. Then regularly drop a line or call or something just to say thinking of you. Love you. How’s it going. And things like that. That kind of support can mean a lot. Depending on the situation you might also be able to make cookies or crafts for them which will cheer them up a lot.

I think if you at least consider doing some of these things you will feel a lot better. I’m not saying you have to do them all. But a lot of times the reason our lives feel kind of messed up is because we’re unconsciously looking at things the opposite of how they actually are. Then our actions seem useless and dysfunctional or our relationships don’t work and we wonder why.

Anyway just changing your perspective on some things might help. Good luck with everything!
-nerms

[myTake Owner]

I'll try some of the things you mentioned. Thank you so much❤❤

[Alistar88]

Number one: tell your grandpa and aunt if there anything you can do you will, even hearing it will help them. Even doing the grocery shopping or making coffee or tea or cleaning the kitchen is helping. Little stuff goes a long way.

Number two: tell your friend about the situations you are writing about and tell him with so much going on you have no time for a relationship, too much stress worrying about so much to add a guy to the mix might hurt you more.

Number 3: dont care how that friend is needing you. When they push people away for all you know they are getting ready to end it possibly. Still text them, call them and if they dont answer leave messages you are missing them, love them, and are there when they need a pillow to cry on. I have had suicidal thoughts and if I had a friend pestering me I'd probably be better off. She may physically be saying leave her alone but mentally she is seeing if you won't so dont. Its very common to mask emotions in a group, watch that depression commercial with the paper mask that smiles, its super common. Every depressed person does it. Asking them how they are doing, they always say fine or good, but honestly they are doing horrible I would know, hard to tell someone live fucking sucks.

[socalgal96]

I’m so sorry about your grandpa. I know how hard it is to see your loved ones suffering. With regard to the guy who really cares about you, I think you should give him a chance if you feel anything for him at all. As for the other guy, fahgeddaboutit! If he was interested, trust me, he would make it known.

[Anonymous]

1: there is not much you can do...

2: give it a go if there is little chance other ways just move on and tell him to stop silly talks.

3: only she can help herself, you only will get in a way.

4:ask him WTF, does he likes you or he is with someone else or... Otherwise you will be following him rest of your life and he might be not in to you...

I seen one interesting think you try to help everyone, but in the end you do nothing for yourself... Why?

You will not be able to help everyone in the world, first help yourself! Not for selfish reasons, but so you can live not just drown in everyone else problems.

[anametouse]

Honestly, this sounds like one of those instances where you need to take a vacation from all your problems. Take a me day and enjoy life, it's too short to be hurting all the time. Basically, you're caring too much, try to care less more, at least for the week

[Piteka5]

First of all, don't push yourself too hard because it was not your fault. You have to focus on the things you can change and work on improving that. Remember that some things are out of our control.
I would not advise in keeping pursuing that guy, with the years that have passed if anything was to happen it would probably already had happened.
You could try with your friend that likes you, but if you don't feel attracted in the slightest, just move on, and keep single for now.

[Anonymous]

I can't sit here and say everything is going to be okay because only God knows the outcome. But what I can tell you is that it's better to pray about it and continue to vent to the ones you trust. It will help you feel better and look at the bright side. ❤️

[Clinton321]

I think your family will be best to start from. u could keep your father company. as for d guy that loves you give him a try out

[Rustro]

Meditate... learn about meditational tripping...

[hisex]

I am sooo sorry about your grandpa

[Anonymous]

1st world problems serisouly