We’ll be okay...

tallandsweet

I‘m 18, lack life experience and can only speak about what I’m feeling at this moment and for the past few years. I don’t have a diagnosis for depression and don’t want anyone to feel offended by this post. I've had a rough year and this is how I tried coping with it, nothing more, nothing less.

This is simply for people who feel like they can’t handle life right now. #7 is the most important point for those who feel like this is too long to read (TL;DR below at #7).

Where I’m at

I got out of two relationships this year, one of which brought me a lot of joy but was also highly toxic. The other one was one-sided, he did a lot of the work in the end although it was the other way around before that.

I wrote some myTakes on this topic already, I cut myself for three years and stopped in 2019 but it’s been really hard to stay clean. I still get spikes of energy, extreme lows and have problems with my family every week, if not every day.

I live in a high income country, and although I’ve been receiving help for many years now, I’m not okay. I haven’t been for more than five years now and I’m starting to see and accept that I probably won’t be getting better until I become more independent. This is something I’ll address later.
I feel bad for feeling bad. I feel lonely. I don’t have a close friend right now.

When me and the toxic guy decided it was time to end things, it broke something inside me, and that hit me hard because I thought I was at my lowest and getting better again, but apparently in the function of life I’m still at a point in time at which this function is concave down.

Where I want to be

It‘s okay. I’m okay. I want to be an independent, strong woman some day, I sometimes consider myself one when comparing myself to others but still experience imposter syndrome when I simply want to buy groceries. „Do they think I’m old enough to be here on my own? Why are they staring at me like that? I don’t fit in...“ are thoughts I have every day on different occasions.

I would love to rid myself of these feelings, these thoughts, and become more self-confident in the process.

I absolutely adore this song, it expresses how I act in many ways, I always act like I’m this strong person when in reality, I’m not. At the same time, it’s what I’m striving for.

How I'll get there/what has already helped me

#1 Eat healthy, nutritious meals

I know, this sounds a little odd as advice, but you are what you eat, and I feel much better when I eat food that is good for my body and soul.

#2 Exercise

This goes in the same direction as #1, but when you move your body, you'll most likely feel healthier. A mistake I made here is that I used to think exercising indoors is equally nice and rewarding as outdoors, but going for a walk is much better for me than soulcycling for half an hour, obviously this depends on your access to sports facilities but I love taking walks in the forest, for example.

#3 Hobbies

I used to love crocheting, and recently picked it up again to listen to a Podcast while working on a scarf etc. I think having a project can be great, something you work for, also with exercising for example.

#4 Know what brings YOU joy

Something I absolutely adore and love doing is skiing. I get an adrenaline rush every time, I'm good at it, I'm fast, and I personally never had an accident or an injury from skiing. But something you enjoy doing may be cooking, helping others or simply taking a bath, the point here is that you should try to find ONE thing you really like.

I know from experience that this is difficult and that at times, it may seem like you don't enjoy doing anything at all. What about sleeping? Eating? Yeah, those are necessary for life, but there's nothing wrong with enjoying them!

#5 Instead of trying to break bad habits, form new ones around the things which bring you joy

This sounds more complicated than it is. For example, I don't really like sleeping too much but wanted to enjoy it more, so I focused on things I liked and enjoyed doing and then combined them: instead of paying attention to people saying that when you exercise after 8pm, I now try to cycle or stretch every day (during school, I hardly ever go outside, and I've accepted that I just don't find the energy to do that).

After this, I eat a late night snack and go to bed. This has improved how I view going to sleep. I had really bad nightmares for more than a year, which is why I developed this strategy

#6 Identify WHY you have bad habits

Bad habits include anything that bothers you, is bad for yourself to a large extent, hurts others or makes you lose years of your life. For example, I love instant noodles. I love their taste, their texture, they're easy to make and so on. But the sacrifices I have to make to eat them, mainly eating less throughout the day so that I don't gain weight from my late night indulgence of instant noodles, and my acne, aren't worth it.

Therefore, I stopped eating instant noodles after consuming one or two portions each day for three weeks. I wasn't addicted to them (yet), I just really enjoyed eating them, but it made me break out terribly and gain weight. Now, I refuse to eat them, although they would bring me some temporary joy. Make sure you know the difference between permanent and temporary joy.

#7 Look after yourself

This is the main point you should take away from this Take, when you love yourself, you take care of yourself, and this means something else from person to person but is extremely important when you want to get better.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope that this was somewhat helpful. If you're struggling, feel free to message me, maybe I can help.

We’ll be okay...
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Cuorisuo
    Similar experience here 😔
    I hope that u get what u want ☺

    I'm shifting myself into a higher frequency than I am currently in for a better future and hopefully I can be my own higher aunthentic self of myself.

    Thanks for sharing I get more motivated after listening to the song.

    P. S : I've done all u listed there a few years ago and sure some of them helped.

    I kept doing them till one day I found my own ways of doing things.

    And so now I'm shifting myself with my own methods which is suitable for me.

    NB : For people with the same/similar experience you should at least read the post 🔝 till the end cuz it worth it.

    Don't judge before you try all of the things listed there (well at least try each for 2w-3w and u should feel the changes)

    You could say the things listed there are the basics for ur own methods (which u can find later somehow that is suitable for u)

    Anyway basic is very important which can later be extended into more complex things (remember that every problem has a solution ;) )
    Is this still revelant?
    • Shamalien

      what are you doing to shift yourself into a higher frequency?

Most Helpful Guys

  • RoastedCharms
    I've been in the same area of mindset, won't get into detail.
    However, all you can do is take life one step at a time. Live in the present, not in the past or future. Things will be okay. It takes time to heal a wound which leaves us crippled, but once it is healed, the strength you will gain from it will help you take on life with a new grasp.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Raym0nd
    My goal is #5 right now.
    What you are describing is mindfulness. Its a good start
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

29
  • lightbulb27
    Is good of you to offer what you've learned to help others, giving back is it's own powerful drug, Tony Robbins speaks about that in his model of human achievement.

    Your writeup is excellent (haven't seen the other mytakes as yet) and should be helpful to a counselor to help you sort through and resolve the trauma that is influencing your behavior... and causing problems in relationships. Most what you write is good medicine, and adrenaline hits... to make one feel better. Makes sense, I do the same in my own way. But, the underlying stuff though I can say from experience sits there, lurks and controls in our sub conscious. It's emotional programming and this where the decisions are made. I learned this in my 40's... that "wounds" control. So when it's time to pick a mate (or a career), and you get those jittery feelings... it's likely the wound talking, emotional impacting events and often traumas from the sub conscious mapping to his sub conscious. Pretty amazing, that's how I think it works... often.

    You articulate some kind of family trauma that may have occurred very early (possibly 0-2 years old... wag) to damage sense of trust, security, and later. That all needs resoved at some point and it happens when you find the resources and when you are ready, else we just get to a place of "stable" and live until something gives.

    Yes you will be ok, some people are high functioning, terribly driving, and successful... but were sexually abused, dyslexic, or whatever issue. We are... survivors.

    Keep up the good work, and I hope you get your space, freedom, and freedom and healing.

    almost forgot... I heard something interesting about cutting... how a girl decided to use an erasable marker or something, instead and write on her body, it worked much better for her.
  • rud0_88
    Been there. The best way I dealt with depression, fears or anxiety, was to switch everything in my life around. I basically had to burn every bridge there was on purpose and build new bridges. It was a 5 year journey. It doesmt happen over night and there will be setbacks, but in the end its worth it. Also, something I found out the hard way over a lo ger period then five years, was that every time I felt trapped in life, or whatever, I would go back home to Germany. That was a mistake. It was the pressure of my family, during vulnerable times in my life that made me think that starting fresh, was the best choice... but it wasn't. It was the worst thing I could have done... and I did it three times. THREE FREAKING TIMES!!! Talk about being an idiot.

    Well, it took me from the time I was 18, until just last year when I turned 31, to realize that i was only running away from problems, not fixing them. In the long run, all I did those years, was run from problems, while thinking I was fixing something.

    I came back to the states two years ago and had to pick up all the places that were broken that I ran from for so long. Still trying to fix them. In the wake, theirs financial debt, a divorce, past drug and alcohol problems, depression, anxiety and social suicide.

    The pieces are being put back together again. Not the old pieces though. I'm building something new. Reinventing myself, so to speak.
    That can be dangerous too, because I've noticed for myself, there's the risk of letting culture, society, family and old as well as new friends effecting who I become. It takes a lot of care and meditation on reflecting what's truly best for me to find the real me amd not be a fake me. Yeah, we can fool ourselves into thinking we're something we're not.

    I appreciate your take on it. Its always nice to hear such open honesty from complete strangers.
  • AmandaYVR
    Nice job, tall. You have writing skills. Your thoughts are organized and you show restraint which gives your writing strength.
    My sympathies for what you're going through. It is not at all uncommon. But you already know that.
    You are young, and there are many years ahead and many things to learn, but I believe you have the ability to sort through it all and find your place in it (hopefully with contentedness - but that's the challenge everyone faces, so you will be in good company.)
  • victtory
    Really sorry for that. I feel your sympathy.
    Life can be unfair sometimes, but have to stay strong.
    Watch comedy, play video games and go on outing.
    And I hope you see some close friends that understand you and can share thought together.
    Good luck
  • Thatsamazing
    "and don’t want anyone to feel offended by this post" is unnecessary-- if someone gets "offended" from you saying what's on your mind, and you're not actively spewing Nazism or blatant lies and stupidity or whatever, then the problem lies with them if they get "offended." Not you. Don't apologize for saying what's on your mind if it's anything within reason.

    Anyway, good luck out there.
    • You must really hate G@G and me in particular, haven't really received positive feedback from you :D
      A shame really, but I hope you'll be okay as well ;)

    • Huh? I don't hate you.

    • Shamalien

      @Thatsamazing she's in a mode, man, really sensitive lately. She thinks err1 is against her.

  • Shamalien
    lot of good advice in here, but let me give you some advice so that you may retain the progress you have made.

    You are starting to emerge in your life as an influencer of yourself, but you are slave to many influences. These can hold you back. Friends, pop culture, cultural institutions and their awful advice (school) mind the shows you are watching and the people you are spending time with. Most people go through many such epiphanies in their life but the problem is that they don't stick. Make it stick.
    • I didn’t have an epiphany. Thanks.

    • Shamalien

      okay maybe it's more a gradual realization then, but still.

  • Trev4444
    Being depressed in this system is so normal, "It's no measure of health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society". What ever you don't let any doctors put you on psych drugs they are trash.
  • Coloradomtnman2
    I’m sorry you feel depressed. Life can be very hard and depressing. Please try to stay strong and find ways to look at the good side
  • ❤️❤️
  • MikeLeoK
    Just stay true to self Darling
  • Anonymous
    Sooooo... what's your question?
    • This is a myTake. Giving out free advice dude
      What’s Your Take? FAQs & More ↗

    • Anonymous

      I didn't ask for advice. This a platform where you ask questions and I saw no questions asked.

    • "Similar to a community blog post, creating a myTake provides you with the opportunity to share your thoughts on a variety of topics and ideas. For example, maybe you’ve got a lot of great tips on maintaining a long distance relationship, or perhaps you’re an aspiring fashionista with an eye for the hottest styles, anything you want to share your take on with the opposite sex, we want to hear all about it, and so does the rest of the GAG Community."

      Just don't read my takes then ;)
      Happy new year!

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