I thought I had finally found some friends.
There are mainly four girls in my class that I really like and who I invite all the time.
Ever since the first holidays in this academic year (October) they haven't visited me anymore. Before that, they visited three times in total, which I think is not a lot because they're usually here and they could usually make time. I invited them every other weekend since then, and in the winter holidays I also made sure to invite them for every day, I suggested activities we could do together (e.g. sledging) and was very happy when one of the girls said we could spend New Year's at her place, together.
I was just getting out of a friendship that ripped me apart when it ended.
A day after Christmas, something bad with my family happened and I still don't know why.
Hence, I was in a very vulnerable place.
Unfortunately, it didn't work out because she got sick and I spent New Year's in my bed.
I grew more and more frustrated, and as I always do when I'm getting over something bad, I picked up a new hobby, namely taking long walks and hikes. I invited the girls to join me and offered to pick them up 40km away but they don't want to.
Today, we were walking to class when a teacher stopped us to recommend the two girls I was with some books about Paris for "their trip". I was very surprised they hadn't told me and asked them when they were going, they smiled at me and responded that they'd go between exams.
I had asked them whether we could go away on holiday during this time, which is why I was fairly disappointed. I do think that I have anger issues, and I also felt the rage boiling up inside me, but I contained myself, breathed, listened to the rest of the conversation and then told them that I was disappointed, sad and angry that they hadn't even asked me.
I should add that they know that I won't be on a proper holiday for at least three years now. Probably five, due to my future studies.
Two of the girls will move away, to other countries, which is why I would've loved to have a summer together (not the last one, the first one; we never did anything during the holidays either because everyone's busy). I love Paris and though my French isn't as good as theirs, I love doing everything they like too, they mainly want to visit museums.
After telling them that I was angry about them not asking me, they didn't apologise or say anything really, they just stuttered until I said that what hurt me the most is how they hadn't even thought about me in the process of planning the trip. They then shouted at me that this isn't true, but I just walked away from them because they kept repeating that sentecnce and couldn't bring any actual points to the table.
Why I'm still mad
As I mentioned before, they never invite me at all, so we can't be friends, right? We're just people who happen to hang out at school, and even there they don't invite me to get food together for example. It really hurts me and even after telling them, they didn't apologise.
All they said was "Yeah, we really need to do more together outside of school".
I've been trying and I'm so sick of it, all I want to do is cry and drop out of visiting the cinema together later (MANDATORY FOR SCHOOL because OF COURSE we wouldn't even go if it wasn't mandatory).
My mother said that I should ask them if they want me to join but I feel like they'd be forced to say yes and I want an honest answer.