Aside from criticizing my weight (I'm 5'7 and 118 lbs) he also has an issue with everything I say, do or eat. Even reading the wrong novel sets him off. I have problems with food ( my family doesn't know) I have self-esteem issues because of him. He tells me I'm worthless all the time. Nothing I do is good enough.i can't remember the last time he praised me, hugged me or even smiled at me. It's impossible to imagine him saying I'm proud of you or I love you, even in a casual way. Food is something I've battled with because of his (daily) comments about my waist,etc. I have a sister who doesn't have to go through this at all. She eats and does whatever she wants. She's younger but when I was her age, I still went through this stuff. She's got a leaner figure than mine (I'm an hourglass she's a rectangle)so ig I understand y he doesn't yell at my sister for eating candy and stuff.
He's also hard on my mom. I'm terrified of him. We stay away from him but he has a control over my career and him checking up and commenting on my weight has managed to mess with my head a lot.
Career wise, he wants me to get a degree in a career I absolutely hate. He says if i don't get into a college he likes he and chose a degree he wants for me, he won't pay for my tuition. I'm scared that this is causing me to waste important years if education as I am not good at what he wants for me. He continuously compares me to his friends children (some r truly successful and talented but I try my best). This doesn't help my self-esteem at all.
I can't talk back to him as he has a huge drinking problem and has hit my mom a couple of times. Me and my sister are terrified of him and I think my mom is too. We can't complain about it to anyone ( coz he is a high ranking officer and he hasn't physically harmed me or my sister as my mom stops him if he lifts a hand and has only hurt my mom a couple of times). Therapy isn't an option as he won't allow it.
I have no idea what I'm gonna do with myself or my life. I feel so lost and I'm worried I'll end up with nothing in the future.