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My dad makes me feel worthless!

Aanagrace
My dad makes me feel worthless!

Aside from criticizing my weight (I'm 5'7 and 118 lbs) he also has an issue with everything I say, do or eat. Even reading the wrong novel sets him off. I have problems with food ( my family doesn't know) I have self-esteem issues because of him. He tells me I'm worthless all the time. Nothing I do is good enough.i can't remember the last time he praised me, hugged me or even smiled at me. It's impossible to imagine him saying I'm proud of you or I love you, even in a casual way. Food is something I've battled with because of his (daily) comments about my waist,etc. I have a sister who doesn't have to go through this at all. She eats and does whatever she wants. She's younger but when I was her age, I still went through this stuff. She's got a leaner figure than mine (I'm an hourglass she's a rectangle)so ig I understand y he doesn't yell at my sister for eating candy and stuff.

He's also hard on my mom. I'm terrified of him. We stay away from him but he has a control over my career and him checking up and commenting on my weight has managed to mess with my head a lot.

Career wise, he wants me to get a degree in a career I absolutely hate. He says if i don't get into a college he likes he and chose a degree he wants for me, he won't pay for my tuition. I'm scared that this is causing me to waste important years if education as I am not good at what he wants for me. He continuously compares me to his friends children (some r truly successful and talented but I try my best). This doesn't help my self-esteem at all.

I can't talk back to him as he has a huge drinking problem and has hit my mom a couple of times. Me and my sister are terrified of him and I think my mom is too. We can't complain about it to anyone ( coz he is a high ranking officer and he hasn't physically harmed me or my sister as my mom stops him if he lifts a hand and has only hurt my mom a couple of times). Therapy isn't an option as he won't allow it.

I have no idea what I'm gonna do with myself or my life. I feel so lost and I'm worried I'll end up with nothing in the future.

My dad makes me feel worthless!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Guffrus
    It is extremely important that you develop self love and keep your own council about who you are and what you are like.

    He only has as much power over you as you allow him to have.

    Imagine for a moment how you would view a very young child crying and stamping their feet over a dropped ice cream or something or raging at you telling you that you smelt of poo.

    The fact of the matter is that he is weak, that is why he uses violence, he doesn't have another tool and he is incapable of conducting himself in a reasonable manner or at least is being allowed to act like this.

    You should cut him out of your life asap, so what if you have to pay your own way?

    Who wants to live like you are, its causing serious harm to you and its completely unacceptable.

    By showing your Sister and Mother that you dont have to tolerate his bullshit you may empower and inspire them to take a stand also or you could try standing together now and making it clear that enough is enough and that none of you are going to tolerate this behavior anymore though i would expect a serious backlash if you do.

    But you must not allow this to continue.

    What happens in your mind is up to you, you dont have to take his negative shit on board, its bad enough that he has this attitude it is far worse for you to adopt it and repeat those things to yourself on your own time.
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  • Platypuss
    Try to be independent, find what is meaningful to you not what makes you happy. Job/stream whatever get's you going. For that you have to analyse yourself, what you are good at, what you can do for long time without bickering. For money, find some part time job, try hard to get a scholarship. For the later you have to show why you are capable, so if you have done a good analysis it won't be hard. But you also have to prove you are worthy of the scholarship, there are many people with talent wanting that scholarship.
    And to be honest 118lbs seems a bit under weight, its on the line and when and if you work hard on your goals, weight loss might hit hard. So you wanna keep diet and exercise in check.

    About the father, he wants the best of you, he doesn't want you to get sick or fail in your life. On average some streams earn more money than others. When you are focused and working ass off, it sometimes hurts your lifestyle-eating habits, exercise, friend circle. You feel most of the time worn out. So, you might wanna think things through, discuss with your parents together. Again you have to prove that what you want to work in will keep your life balanced and safe because you are good at it. While you will keep your health, mind and body in check.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • demurefaithe
    Its sad parents are supposed to be there for you but will be your biggest downfall. I've been in foster care for almost all my life so I know how it feels when they dont care. If need best separate yourself, be independent and dont take what they say to heart (mental illness is a closet monster). Stay happy and true to yourself, karma will handle that. (check out my recent question by the way and goodluck)
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  • cute_short_nerd
    Wow so like my mom.

    Don’t play victim. Stand up for yourself and this shit wouldn’t happen. You are 21 so why don’t you just move out and cut him off if you are so offended by him.
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What Girls & Guys Said

210
  • Curmudgeon
    it sounds like you need to start making a plan to get out on your own entirely.

    In the meantime, spend as little time around the house and/or in his presence as is possible. Library, job, other friends places if they need roommates, etc.

    Remember: he can't pick on you--if you are not there.
  • msc545
    Not sure of your age, but if you are at least 18 or close to it, you may want to think about a way to get away from him, impractical and difficult as it may seem. He is a danger to you, and it is not going to get better. Conversely, if he is a military officer, you (and/or your mom) may want to complain to his commanding officer - the military is very intolerant of the sort of behavior you are describing, particularly in officers.
  • WadeDanielSmith2
    Move out as soon as possible. If you need help, some churches have battered womens' shelters. This is sad to read. I hate men who abuse women.
  • Snakeyes7
    This is what my mother does too. You are 21 right? Cut yourself off from him and I guarantee you will see a massive improvement in yourself. They are under no legal obligation to take care of you so you can do whatever you want.
  • ryancg
    Well, you're an adult, so his opinion doesn't mean shit anymore. Don't let him saddle you with daddy issues.
  • zagor
    Try to talk him into letting you get a degree more to your liking. Then choose a school far from home.
  • Fck him. Do what you want. But not rely on him. The more support you need from your parents the more say they’ll have over your life.
  • DiversityHire
    It kills me when I see fathers who don't appreciate their daughters. I am so sorry.
  • Jasoft
    You should always stand up for yourself and be proud of yourself. doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. As long as you are happy.
  • Desconhecida
    Do you have any means to move out?
  • BillysBabe
    move out
  • michael1469
    He sounds like a douche.
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