Why Healthy Sibling Bonds Are Rare in Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

[Being_a_good_Indian]

In families with narcissistic parents, genuine sibling bonds are often rare. Even if they appear healthy on the surface, a closer look reveals underlying dysfunction.

Instead of mutual respect and support, these relationships usually fall into one of two unhealthy patterns:

Enmeshment:

The siblings are overly dependent on each other, believing they share an unbreakable bond. However, this closeness often stems from shared trauma rather than genuine emotional connection. They may lose their individual identities in the process.

Subtle Dominance & Entitlement:

One sibling idolizes the other, seeing them as superior while unconsciously diminishing their own worth. This creates an imbalanced dynamic where one assumes an authoritative role while the other struggles with self-doubt.

The Root Cause: Narcissistic Family Dynamics

Narcissistic families thrive on dominance, control, and manipulation and sibling relationships are no exception.

Parents use a divide-and-rule strategy, feeding each child negative narratives about the other. Over time, this erodes trust and fosters resentment.

One of the most damaging tactics is the "Scapegoat vs. Golden Child" dynamic:

The Golden Child is the favorite, often praised and placed on a pedestal.

The Scapegoat is blamed for everything and treated as the family's problem.

This favoritism creates rivalry, jealousy, and a deep emotional wedge between siblings. Rather than forming a natural bond, they grow up conditioned to either compete or stay distant.

Can Adult Siblings Heal Their Bond?

Yes but it requires intentional healing and emotional independence from their parents.

• ✅ Both siblings must recognize the dysfunctional family patterns they were raised in.
• ✅ They need to find their authentic selves outside of their assigned family roles.
• ✅ A new relationship can be built on their own terms, free from parental influence.

Rebuilding trust takes time, but when both siblings commit to healing, they can create a bond based on genuine love, respect, and equality not manipulation or control.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve grown up in a narcissistic family, it's natural to feel conflicted about your sibling relationship. But healing is possible. By breaking free from old family roles and choosing to reconnect with authenticity, you can redefine what a healthy sibling bond looks like.

What are your thoughts? Have you experienced these dynamics in your family? Let’s discuss in the comments!

[DizzyDesii]

Wow this was an amazing read. My mom is narcissistic for sure. She always made my sis feel beneath me because she showed favoritism. Then once i started to go off on my own, she switched the favoritism to my sis. She constantly tries to turn us against eachother when it benefits her. My sis has developed mental issues and tried to fight me several times out of jealousy over issues my mom created to make her feel like a failure in comparison to me. Its a crazy world out there

[DizzyDesii]

Thanks for mho

[PrincessFiona]

Yep to this day my mom plays us against each other. My siblings and I try to not let what she says affect us. We are better bonded with each other now. But it's still very hard.

[PrincessFiona]

I believe everything you said is right on. Especially when the parent intentionally caused havoc between the siblings. I lived this life w a narcissistic mother. I found out a couple of years ago that I have CPTSD, BPD, and MDD. I also have a slew of medical problems that are related to the major anxiety that comes from living with constant anxiety since I was a child. This is just my testimony. I hope it answers your question.

[TDDMS]

My mother was an alcoholic narcissist. I'm glad she's gone now. No one misses her. No one was concerned when she died. My sister is worse than my mother. She has never been diagnosed, but it's safe to say she's a psychopath.

When growing up she would routinely steal from me and other family members. In her teen years she diddled little girls. She would target single mothers with little girls and offer to babysit. In her adult years she tried to baby trap a man by claiming she was on birth control when she wasn't. Thankfully in my state men can voluntarily terminate their parental rights. The man did such and her arrogant ass thought the judge would side with her, but she openly admitted that she planned it all out. When the judge heard this he ruled in favor of the man. She has engaged in home wrecking where she targeted two couples she tried to play. She also took part in a planned hit with a "friend" of hers. But her friend was busted by an undercover cop. And this is just stuff that I know about. I can only imagine what else she's done.

As for me, I left home 20 years ago and these days I just focus on my goals and aspirations. It would be nice to have a family of my own. But there are too many dysfunctional women out here.

[PrincessFiona]

Yes there are a lot of women who come with emotional baggage. But I have to say the same with men. I'm glad that you are healing from your childhood.

[NicholasRedone]

@Being_a_good_Indian somehow that finger pointing cartoon, even though it's a little girl, I could instead picture myself as a cartoon boy thinking "crikey I always seemed to be finger pointed at like 'sigh - accident prone". Life can be memorable as a leftie in a right handers world

[NicholasRedone]

@Being_a_good_Indian but not all left handers, will say this left hander here is right lol 😂 in thinking that "I'm a clumsy"

[beefcakebradybatson]

I don't think so. My parents were the diametric opposite of narcissists, so my sisters and I, though especially my younger sister and I differed a great deal because we were both stubborn and highly intelligent-she studied to be a chemical engineer- loved each other. My older sister (older than the younger by two years;371 days younger than I) was a gorgeous, lovable type whom everyone wanted to befriend.

[cth2188]

All my siblings are flying monkeys

I have a sister whose the golden child and I'm the scape goat

My mother is a sociopath and convert narcissist

My grandma is a convert narcissist

My entire family is tossed 🗑️

[cth2188]

No one can be savaged I'm going no contact soon.. I'm in hell

[strateguy632]

I strongly disagree because that is not an excuse.

[PeachyPie93]

I was the golden child but not the favourite lol

[leahzrc]

me and my brother are lowkey enemies. this is kind of true

[leahzrc]

I was the scapegoat but I had more potential than him

[Manuelwe]

It comes to money your parents leave you or not