She hasn't invited me to her birthday party? and its today?

[Anonymous]

-Been seeing this girl i met online for a couple months. We met in person 2 weeks ago and had a blast
-She has emotional problems, which i help her through and she's getting professional help for
-Last weekend (3 days ago) she flipped on me (due to her emotional problem) and said she wouldn't invite me to her party
-Shes been fine for a couple days now, everything is awesome between us... BUT her birhtday party is less then 12 hours away and she still hasn't said anything to me about inviting me
-I've dropped hints like "have fun at your party tonight" and "you know i requested off from work for you for today if you wanna invite me or hang out, you can, its no biggie if you dont tho"

anyway im secretly freaking out and really hurt and I don't know what to do. i feel it'd be awkward to ask why im not invited, only to cause her to feel obligated to invite me, you know? Please, anyone with advice? maybe i should ask before it starts? or wait till after?

ask her why before the party starts

ask her after

Updates

+1 y

should i leave her? or let this slide?

Updates

+1 y

So I just asked her "Whos going to your party? is it a big thing? or close friends and family?" and she said "mainly just my neighbors" so i guess i shouldn't be offended, right?

[CypherV]

If carry on being this clingy and needy, you won't last long with this girl or the next one or the one after that. You've only in person two weeks ago, you're not a relationship, you're not that serious, so she is not obliged to invite you to her Birthday party.

You seem to be quite manipulative with your texts by trying to make her feel bad on her Birthday and what is perhaps even more staggering is you branding her rude when it is you and only you that is displaying rudeness.

You've done plenty wrong and your reaction is unnecessary. You're acting like a child who throws his toys around when he doesn't get his own way.

[Asker]

I've known her and been tlaking to her all day every day for 2 months, i MET her 2 weeks ago finally.

[Asker]

also i said "i'd feel rude for trying to sound like im inviting myself"

also im very supportive and there for her when she cries due to her depression... so of course im hurt she's not inviting me to her birthday party. considering all she's put me through

[CypherV]

So what? You're at the getting to know each other stage, you're not serious with her and she clearly shares that view point. Now if she forgives you for your behavior then consider yourself a fortunate man and sort yourself out because this clingy and needy behavior you're allowing to seep out will see her flee away from you.

[CypherV]

So when you help someone they are automatically indebted to you, they owe you? This girl owes you for you helping her and 'putting up' with her depression? I suppose you're going to tell me you're a nice guy too, right?

Look you never had to help this girl out, you never had to take her and her depression on board, that is a choice you made and this girl owes you nothing for doing so. You weren't forced to pursue this girl, you choose to do so by yourself.

Now I can understand that you wanted to go to this party and I can understand you feeling slightly disappointed by not being invited, but that doesn't give you the right to try and make her feel bad about not inviting you. That's poor behavior and not only that you've come across as a clingy and needy person and neither characteristic are attractive in a person.

If I was you, I'd send her an apology for your behavior.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

She doesn't want you there. That's all you need to know. Spend more time with her at your peril.

[Asker]

added update. am i in the clear?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I would bet she's lying about who is coming to the party. You should just drop her at this point.

[Asker]

lets assume she's not, THEN am i good?

[CrazyCandy]

You were bombing her aand makinfg her feel quilty that you were not invited. She doesn't want you to be everywhere, she wants to have fun with friends too without you there. I would have been mad too.
You seem clingy. You seriously took day of because of her when you knew sge has a party and you were not invited?

[Asker]

Actually a week before that, she said to me "What are you doing wednesday? (today)" and she stated she wanted to do something with me today

today she told me due to her emotional problems, her dad actually took away her car keys, and she has to clean the entire house today for her party so she's been extremely busy and couldnt follow up with the plans SHE INITIATED WITH ME

[Asker]

Maybe I was bombing her... but if she was interested, and everything is great and normal between me and her, why wouldn't she invite me to the party?

[CrazyCandy]

Well then if the plans changed I understand and you must be upset but trying to get yourself invitrd was rude. You know she is busy since she has to clean tve house. You know she is havinh a party where you are not invited so stop bombing her. Tell her next day that it didn't feel nice she stood you up but dont insist now

[CrazyCandy]

The party is for her and her friens. Dating partners are ususlly just a distraction. She would feel she has to be with you there when she wants to be with her friends. I personally ( and many others) have clingy boyfriens or girlfriend who have to be with their partner constantly Nd never let them be with their friends.

[Asker]

So what you're getting at is... her not inviting me to her BIRTHDAY PARTY is NOT a sign of disinterest?

Even tho me and her aren't official, i'd be offended if my "partner" didn't invite me to her once a year party. but thats just me.

[CrazyCandy]

Usually people like to celebrate their birthday with the crush/ partner privately and more intimately and partying with group of frirnds is a separate thing. You dont know her friends, she doesn't want to introduce you yet. You font really even know who will be there. It also seems that you have been fighting and perhaps she wants to explore other markets.
I wouldn't wonder if she isn't interested though. You are very clingy and she seems the type of person who needs space.

[Asker]

what gives off the vibe of her wanting to "explore other markets"?

[Asker]

"I wouldn't wonder if she isn't interested though"

so now you're saying im overthinking and shouldn't worry?

[CrazyCandy]

Well it hints that you have been arguing a lot and maybe she is wondering if you are the right one and clearly she needs space. I think she just wanrs some space and chance to party with friends.

And you are overthinking because I just stated one possibility that isn't even the most likely reason. I more meant that I wouldn't date someone as clingy as you and perhaps she is like me. One possibility, not necessarily true.

[Asker]

i dont think she needs space... she txts me and hits me up all day since we're "back to normal"

[CrazyCandy]

Well , you still dont spend every minute of your life together. You aren't physicly in touch with her all the time. She has friends and you are not osrt of that group. You dont have to be with her always. Expecially since you are not official and you haven't been introduced to her friends or family

[Asker]

lol she texted me mid party "i'm bored"

[CrazyCandy]

So? Why are you telling me this?

[Asker]

does that say anything? about her interest in me?

[CrazyCandy]

Well she must be interested. And possibly misses you

[Asker]

are you being sarcastic?

[CrazyCandy]

... I'm done here.

[Asker]

That was a serious question, no need to be rude

[PrettyBama]

She doesn't want you there. Id say never talk to her again if you don't go. There's no way in hell you should be giving someone emotional support and they purposely hurt you. Stay home. Watch a movie. Jack off. Drink. Eat. Be merry.

[Asker]

should i just give it time? or straight up ask her why she's not inviting me? again the party is in 12 hours

[PrettyBama]

No. Don't ask again. Don't bring it up. Some people like to make people beg. Don't stoop that low for her.

[Asker]

added update. is it good news?

[PrettyBama]

Nobody has a party with just neighbors. She's a bitch. Fuck her

[Asker]

I think she's being truthful considering she only hangs out with them AND doesn't really have friends. Lets just assume she is telling the truth. would i be in an ok position then?

[PrettyBama]

Even if it was just neighbors why wouldn't you be able to come? Seeing that she did invite you. She's a bitch. Fuck her lol

[Asker]

I think you read something wrong. She never invited me. I'm upset that me and her are talking as normal again and talking all day every day, and she hasn't brought up me going to her party

[PrettyBama]

Well she flipped and said she wouldn't invite you. That means she was gonna invite you until you pissed her off meaning before you pissed her off you were pretty much on the list... with her neighbors. Now you can't be around the neighbors?

[Asker]

Ok this is how the conversation went:
(3 days ago)
*After she rants at me and explodes cause her depression causes her to act irrational*
Me: So i guess im not getting an invite to your party huh?
her: nope

That was the only conversation me and her had about it,

[Asker]

how did i know she was having a party? everyone has a birthday party lol

[PrettyBama]

she's literally evil and you're in denial. I hope you guys work it out and you're invited next year lol

[PrettyBama]

Lol if she never mention the birthday party then she may not be having one. People mention birthday parties like 2 weeks before they happen. She might just want to make you mad.

[Anonymous]

What did she say back to you when you dropped those hints? Sounds like she's still not going to let you go and I know she's got emotional problems but she's being unreasonable and selfish

[Asker]

added update, is it good/ok news?

[Opinion Owner]

Ignore what crazy candy said, the girl you've been talking to is the unreasonable one you should stop talking to her and find someone reliable who isn't going to mess you about and make you tread on egg shells whenever her mood swings. You seem like a really nice guy who is scared to upset her or offend her. She didn't want you there it sounds like she is still in a bad mood with you over nothing

[Opinion Owner]

I am under the impression she initially invited you then revoked the invite when she flipped by the way, if you just invited yourself and she never asked you to then you're being clingy and she doesn't want you there.

[Asker]

yeah its the second... she never invited me and im just a bit hurt by it cause we're fine now and doing awesome. like whenever i bring up me and her dating, she never rejects me or says anything negative, so she clearly doesn't dislike me.

[Opinion Owner]

I apologize to candy then she is completely right. Your description seemed to imply she asked you then threw in your face that you couldn't come after all. I think she might want to just be friends if she rejects you then she risks hurting you or you not speaking to her again

[Asker]

So... she's using me? Thats pretty selfish. I should also say i've asked her before "just letting you know, i'm waiting on you to come around for being available to date, unless you think i should move on" and she usually changes the subject. and whenever i ask her about me and her dating, she always replies with "idk".

if you read the original description, she wants to be "single for awhile" cause she's going through ALOT. Alcoholism and depression combined

so what's your take on her interest level?

[Asker]

Not rejecting someone is selfish as hell imo. it's leading someone on in a way.

[Opinion Owner]

So you view wanting to be friends as using you? I bet you were only nice to her and pretended to be friends to manipulate her into wanting to be with you. I don't know and changing the subject means she's not interested she even told you she isn't and wants to be single

[Asker]

She never said she wasn't interested, she just keeps saying "i dont know"

how am i pretending to be friends? i demonstrate my interest in her every day, from the day i met her. plus i met her from a DATING website.

[Asker]

also if she's not interested... why does she label me as a "guy she's talking to"? Why did she get upset when i added her friend, i met in person through her, on facebook, to be nice? she then ranted at me and said "you're like all my exes, adding her on fb"

[Asker]

she says i hurt her cause i did that... but if she's not interested.. how did i hurt her? see what im getting at?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes but she told you she wants to be single for a while she might have been on the dating site for some company but that doesn't mean she owes it to you and has to date you :l that's what I mean you are only sticking around and supporting her as a friend in the hopes she will start dating you but when it seems like she still doesn't want to you cal her a selfish user

[Opinion Owner]

Well for one adding her friends is like creeping on her to nose about her and her friends life or being disrespectful and silently hinting you want to start dating her friend because she's not gonna date you.

[Asker]

-when i first met her on the dating site, she wanted to date me
-now she wants to stay single, cause alcoholism and depression is a serious thing and is acting up
-I did outright tell her that im hoping she can see my support and patience with her, as a positive trait, to consider me as a long term bf. AKA i stated im friends with her till she can date

Also:
according to you, it's hurtful if she answers me asking "if you want me to move on, tell me". lol wtf. how is that hurtful?

[Asker]

lol she texted me mid party "i'm bored"

[TacosRAwesome]

You've only been seeing her in person for 2 weeks. Probably she feels it's too early for you to meet her people.

[Subarugirl]

She didn't invite you, you're not invited. You met two weeks ago.. Let it go.

[Mayo503]

Aww that’s not fair