Is my best friend's boyfriend being friendly with me, or inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

So my friend cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend. Since this has happened, they've all talked it out. The boyfriend's buddy is out of the picture, and the couple stayed together. But lately I've been noticing that the boyfriend has been very flirtatious. With me. Since he and my friend have been dating, we have been pretty good friends too. I began to think of him as a brother figure, but since the whole cheating incident, he's been very sexual in his play and jokes. We used to roughhouse, now he throws me on the bed and pins me there by the wrists. If I'm sitting on my bed he comes to cuddle, or rest his head in my lap. The other day when we were standing in line for coffee, he held me and kissed me on the forehead. He walked me to one of my appointments but told me to tell my girlfriend that he went to class.The lie made the whole thing feel too intimate. He also talks about what a great ass I have when she's sitting right there!

My other friends notice and they all think that he's trying to use me to make her jealous after what she did to him. I never reciprocate, but I think she's starting to get annoyed. Recently he forgot his phone at my apartment. She found it and started rifling through, - as most insecure girlfriends tend to do - and began to look confused. She laughed it off but said; "There's a picture of you in his phone." There was a picture of me there, but it was obvious I didn't know it was being taken. I can't even pinpoint WHERE he took the picture or how he got so close without me seeing. I felt creeped out, embarrassed, and guilty like I'd actually done something wrong. I feel like I can't talk to him about it because it would make things awkward. Especially if he was just being friendly this whole time. Is it nothing? Should I just brush it off? Or is there something? And if he is flirting, why is he using me to make her jealous?! Does that mean he never really liked me as a friend? Help. I feel like a pawn.

[jeeperss]

you HAVE TO talk to him about it, regardless of the fact that it may be awkward. things are already starting to be awkward.

it is all none of your fault, and yet she will begin to resent you for it- it's a girl thing. we don't seem to place the blame on the guy who's doing the flirting, but on the girl who is on the receiving end.

perhaps he is interested in you, but from what it sounds like he is still not over what she did to him, and he would like nothing better than to be on even ground.

i'm glad you want no part of that, but this behavior is obviously making you feel very uncomfortable and I am sure it's hurting your friend. so you need to talk to him.

when it's just the two of you, in private, I recommend you do this. you speak calmly, not accusingly and state what it is you feel: that you and others have noticed a more sexual and flirtatious behavior towards you on his end, that it makes you very uncomfortable, that you would never do anything to hurt your friend, and finally that you do think of him AS a brother. then clearly state that you would like him to refrain from commenting on your ass or any other parts of you figure, in/or without her presence, that he should refrain from roughhousing with you from now on, as well as resist the urge to do other intimate things such as resting his head in your lap, etc.

he is not being just friendly. he may, and probably will, try to play it off as that, and that's fine. the point is not for him to admit it, but to know that YOU feel it is inappropriate and do not like it. then he should stop of his own accord.

if he says he was just being friendly and never meant those things in a sexual/flirtatious fashion, then say: that is alright, I am not accusing you of anything, and it doesn't matter. but from now on I'd like you to refrain from being so friendly. if you do not realize it, then as a friend I feel I should tell you that it IS rather inappropriate and also hurtful to your girlfriend.

end with: I'm sorry if I made this awkward. I value your friendship, and once again you are like a brother to me. I did not mean to accuse you of anything, I am just saying certain things you do make me uncomfortable whether or not that is your intention. so please stop them.

the key is to be calm, non-accusatory (because people generally get defensive just because they sense this kind of tone of voice and respond accordingly), and specific. don't just say: you've been too friendly lately and leave it at that. he needs to know you're serious and confident in what you are saying, not confused and weak-minded about it.

if you want to get a point across - you have to be firm on it, regardless of what the point may be.

[jeeperss]

Another key thing is eye contact. not only will it get your point across better and show that you are serious, but it might even make him more nervous than you would be while doing this.

[sweet18]

Hands down, his behavior toward you is INAPPROPRIATE because he is in a commited relationship with another person -regardless of the fact that he might be trying to "get back at her".

Another thing I want to point out: If he is using you ONLY for the purpose of getting back at her, he would only be flirty with you when SHE WAS THERE. And you said he does stuff with you when she's not present? So judging from the fact that he told you not to tell her that he walked you to your appointment, I would say that he has developed a little crush on you...maybe since his love for his girlfriend was damaged because she cheated on him.

I would also like to point out that the fact that he took a picture of you without your knowledge is extremely inappropriate and creeperish. Since you found out about it and you feel uncomfortable, you NEED to confront him and tell him that you are bothered by his behavior and he (pretty much) needs to f*** off.

[littlesweet596]

He needs to back off. If it's making you feel uncomfortable you need to tell him that. Take it from me. The same thing happened to me, except it wasn't a friends boyfriend, it was my family member. I let it go and it went WAY to far. The final result ended in him almost going to jail and him loosing everyone in his life. He needs to understand and realize what he's doing and the only way he's going to do that is if someone tells him. Reassure you're friend that nothing is going on between you and her boyfriend. And if you need to talk to her about how uncomfortable you are. I know it's going to suck but if you need to stop talking to him for awhile and avoid him, do it. I hope this helps.

[Basic514]

well hold on ladies, I definitely understand why it may look like this, and I'm not saying your wrong I'm just sayin there is another side, lets look at it as this girlfriend of his who I'm guessing he trusted just cheated on him with his best friend who he definitely had to trust. so right there, to a guy, that's really almost the word. best friends for guys don't come around very often and either do good girls. So in his mind he might be looking at you as better girlfriend material then her. and how you said you and him are growing close (even though to you he is more like a brother) to a guy its a very good connection. so he might be looking to you trying to be more than friends. but you should definitely talk to him about it because his mind could be all over the place, I had a fiancee cheat on me and it does bad things to you. but that's just another point of view

[stercor]

Guys don't play the relational games that girls do (...trying to use me to make her jealous...)

He's (inappropriately) got the hots for you -- this is no compliment to you but tells a lot about his dedication to his girlfriend.

[blondie702]

He's crossed the line because you feel inappropriate. That is the line you shouldn't be left questioning yourself and asking yourself if you've done anything wrong. Asking you to lie to your best friend is way over the line. You should confront him and tell him you see him as a great friend and he's putting you into a bad place and it's not right. He has to work out his own demons with your friend.

[Jessie123]

I would be cautious if anything he might want to make her jelous. If anything is going to p*ss off a girl is to go out or flirt with their best friend. Stay with your friend and don't give into him. Let him know that you just see him as a friend and that he needs to stop with the flirting. Your friend is going to be there longer then a guy who dated your friend. It's not worth losing your friend over...

[COCOFONTANE]

How long has your best friend been with him? Is it really a serious relationship. He could be using you to make her jealous. Or he could actually be into you. Maybe the fact that she cheated on him made him want to go see other girls.

You should talk to him because he is more than "friendly".

[Asker]

They've been together nearly a year and a half. That's a long time to suddenly realize that you have feelings for your spouses friend.

:(

[COCOFONTANE]

True. He is probably trying to make her jealous.

[Jables21]

If him and his "best friend" aren't friends anymore, maybe he's just looking to you to be a friend, I myself have many female friends, and I do act sexual, and make sexual jokes towards them, but I could never actually see myself "getting with them" it might just be your imagination, or something, but I would talk to him

[katiesmuff]

Let him get revenge on the girlfriend and find out just how fine an ass you do have.

[rdabby]

His girlfriend is HER friend. so I suggest that it would be nasty if she does that.. its not her buisness!

[falconshottiw1425]

it kinda seams like he likes you and is useing ur friend (his gf) to get to u.

[jusanothergirlinpain]

he might not be flirting to make her jealous...

he could like you.

you should confront him about it and at least ask him what's going on.

[Bubbles123123]

Hes being innapropriate as crap