My friend's husband tries to kiss me and grope me when he's drunk. Should I say something to her? How do I make him stop?

[Anonymous]

She's my best friend and we love to hangout, but when drinking is involved her husband makes me feel really uncomfortable. It usually happens when we go out or were with a big group of friends. I dont know if she doesn't see it or just ignores it, but when he makes moves on me I push him off or tell him to stop. I laugh when it happens usually because I'm nervous and uncomfortable but he keeps doing it. I don't want to cause a scene... Now I feel like I need to say something to someone or it won't stop. How do I go about this without hurting my friendship?

[AthleticMom]

1. you aren't blind and certainly in the know when this will happen again, so when you smell smoke and he's coming... get damn close to her and position yourself so she HAS to be involved or be knocked over when he attacks
2. if he's smart enough to stalk you after resisting an attack after evaluating consequences fo #1, then always carry something like a fork or even toothpick that will accidentally jab him during an assault... also consider while close quarters jabbing, spilling a drink all over his front, into his pants as if he violently moved in on you, then explain to others it was only a crowded accident to save his face so he doesn't turn all this on you as the aggressor
3. while in a group, candidly ask your friend if her hubby ever gets handsy with her and what she does about it, then if he does this with her friends ever

[CheerGirl38139]

You could try what the Anonymous girl just suggested... or... I was gonna ask... is there a time or place when you can say something to HIM privately when he's not drunk.

I would basically warn him that you know what's up, you don't like it, and if he does it again you're gonna have to tell her.

That might get his attention and make him stop without hurting her. Maybe...

[Asker]

The first time he did it it was his birthday party and he was hammered so I didn't make a big deal. But it's happened a few times since then, and each time I've thought to myself "maybe this time he'll get the hint" but it doesn't seem that way. And the last thing I want is my friend to see it happen and her get mad at me or think I provoked it. I am never around him unless my friend is there. I'm thinking the next time we hang out together I'll make a point to say" keep your hands to yourself". The bad thing is he does it to all our other female friends too, not just me. But nobody wants to say anything to him or my friend

[XRabbitHeartX]

You should talk to your best friend. If you two are close, I doubt she'll get angry or upset but appreciate you coming to her as a best friend having a heart to heart. If she is upset, she'll recover from it and still appreciate your honesty. Your concerns are valid.

[Intraluminal]

When you're both sober take him aside and tell him in a very serious tone of voice,"Don't grope me in the future." That's all. the tone of voice will tell him you're serious, but you've made no threats. Let his imagination work on what would happen.

[CheerGirl38139]

Sounds legit to me

[genericname85]

i´d first talk to him, when he´s sober again... sometimes people just don´t have controll about those things so you should probably not sit right next to him when he´s about to get drunk xD

[Anonymous]

Cause a scene. He's taking advantage of the fact that you will not want to rock the boat and he has the perfect excuse of being drunk. Tell him loudly in front of the group to stop and that you don't like it at all. It will cause tension but it's better to cause tension than to put up with this crap. Call him out publicly.

[tortelina]

What exactly does he do? Sometimes guys grope me and I feel weird and yet it turns me on, whether I like it or not. You too?

[Prince_teddy4u]

It's best to tell him directly when you're sober. If he try when he's sober. You need to inform her.

[_lululemonxx]

i wouldn't say anything to her. that'd be awkward. i'd say something to him though

[chrisbigman]

Yes, say something to her or tell him sternly to stop. Hopefully it's loud enough for your friend to hear.

[ClumsyAngel]

Yeah say something about it
Against him, then her?

[PartialisticMan]

Definitely tell your friend right away. :)

[Anonymous]

ignore him