Why does my dad hate me so much?

[Anonymous]

Ever since I was born, I swear this man has hated me. I have done nothing by step on eggshells around him and help him out.

When I was 16 he got upset and angry at me and brought out all of the bills for the household (which includes my mom and brother also) and told me that this is how much I cost him. I'll admit, as a kid I asked for things, but most kids do. I never meant to cause him any financial strife.

I have worked hard to try and get ahead in life. Unfortunately my life is not stable. I've had to move several times due to bad living situations and stress with the people I lived with (I rented rooms). I got out of an abusive relationship 2 years ago and had to live with the guy for a year because I didn't want to break my lease and had nowhere to go.

I recently moved home to save some money up for a new place and just try and get myself on track so that I can find a permanent place to live. My parents said I could move back in with them, and I did.

I do what I can to help them, I may not help pay bills, but I pay for my own groceries and buy them some as well. I help with yard work and drive my mom all over the place (she hates driving) in my car. I help them with computer issues and cleaning and housework all the time. My brother also lives at home, works full-time makes more money than me and doesn't help at all.

Today I was making myself something to eat, I was making toast. He never cooks, hardly ever, I cook and my mom always cooks and waits on him hand and food. Anyway he was making eggs (which is incredibly rare) and he got mad because I was simply in the kitchen. Apparently I was in his way, and I didn't even know. He never asked me to move, and just started yelling. I went directly to my room with the bread, which I'm now eating (nothing on it, I paid for it). My mom was upset that he was being so mean and defended me,

Updates

+1 y

He told my mom he was upset because he needs sos pads and there aren't any. But I know this is bull bc I offered to get us some. I always offer to help and am given no thanks or anything.

Yet he expects us to bend over backwards for him and talks condescendingly to us all the time (myself, my mom and brother).

Updates

+1 y

So today is Sunday and this event happened yesterday. Since the event, no one in my family is talking to me. Did I do something wrong?

I feel like everyone just gangs up on me all the time. I'm not a bad child or a bad person, I've always kept my head down and did my work. I don't understand why they all hate me so much :(

[talloak]

From what I'm hearing he is this way in general. I don't think he likes everyone but you. I even doubt that he hates you. It just doesn't sound personal even though I understand why you take it personally. I see the difference in how different family members respond to him. Your mom tries to minimize conflict by ensuring there is no detail he can react to. This is hardly an enviable position. He may react to you differently because you respond differently. Whatever the reason, it's not a healthy place for you. My only advice is to keep a low profile and try not to see this as personal attacks directed only at you. Hopefully you can afford to move out soon.

[Asker]

I'm going to try and keep a low profile as much as possible and save up everything I can to get out of the situation. I'm at the point where when I am finally out, I wish to not have a relationship with my dad, as he's not a very nice person. He treats my mom like crap. She waits on him hand and foot while he watches tv all day and barks at her. I help my mom however I can. My brother also lives at home, but my dad is perfectly ok with my brother. My brother has no idea why my dad gets so upset. Literally all I was doing was cutting a bun, and he threw a temper tantrum. He didn't even ask me to get out of the way first. Just threw the hot pan and freaked out.

I'm tired of walking on eggshells. And my poor mom doesn't even get to watch tv, as they only have one tv. He hogs it the whole time and they only watch what he wants to watch. Plus he smokes in the house (refuses to go outside) and my mom has asthma.

[talloak]

I think that's your best plan of action. There is no way you can get through to someone like that. I'm sorry that your mom doesn't have better options to get away from him.

[Asker]

My mom does, she just refuses to leave. I'm not sure why. He treats her like crap and I think that's part of the reason why I've had such bad luck with guys, is I have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like.

Thanks for your advice!

[talloak]

Good luck in getting out of there!

[Red_Arrow]

He i an ass. the sooner you can get your life together and leave, the better. And by the way, at your age you should have a better grip on your life than you do. Evaluate yourself and how people see you, and make a strong effort to get your life stable and get the income coming in.

[Asker]

I'm not doing too bad. I mean I lost my job that I had for 3 years a few months ago and am just trying to save up for a down payment on a house. I'm also paying down debt. I talked with my parents before about my plan and they seemed perfectly fine with it. I lived on my own for 6 years before this. I was not at home. So this is just a little blip.

[Red_Arrow]

If you mean to BUY a house, remember what this little blip did to you. You need to be in a stable job you can rely on with a good savings before buying a house.

[Twolips]

He's a dick 💁🏻