Why would my boyfriend and a married woman like each other?

Question

So, when I was looking at a late cell phone bill that I was about to pay, I noticed a phone number that was being called every day.  I asked my boyfriend about it, and he said it was a friend that he met through a friend.  But then I had remembered that phone #, when I had seen a text on his phone of a lady that was telling him that she loved him.  He said that they were joking around.  That's she's married and possibly has a 3 year old kid.  He also said that even if he was into married women, he wouldn't want to with her because of all the drama that it would cause.  3 months ago, out of the blue, he texted me stating that he would feel too much guilt if he ever cheated on me.  As naive as I was, I believed him.  But his attitude towards me started changing, he was going out every weekend(almost) and stayed out until almost midnight, stopped holding my hands, or wanting to be around me.  So, finally, on my birthday, he had told me that he likes her and she likes him, and that I should be glad that he's not out doing drugs, getting drunk, or f***ing sluts and that I was the reason why he started talking to her in the first place.  Do you think that there's something going on or should I let him cool down until this passes over?  We are sleeping in separate bedrooms now and he's been talking to this lady for the past 6 months.

caili · Accepted Answer

I think that you know the answer to your question but are just not ready to face it.

Regardless of whether he is actually having sex with her ,your boyfriend is already choosing this other woman over you. He is connected emotionally with her even if they are not being physical yet.

Even if she disappeared tomorrow you guys obviously have major issues in your relationship and this woman is just a symptom of these issues. You need to do 2 things - be really truly honest with yourself do you think this relationship is worth saving or is fear of being alone and anger at his betrayal all that's keeping you with him? You need to decide how long you are willing to wait and how much you are willing to take...then If the answer is Yes you really have something worth fighting for then do just that.

sit down quietly and calmly and tell him that this lady is clouding the issues in your relationship. Tell him you need couples counselling to get back on track together and that 3 is most definitely a crowd you don't need right now.

You can't make him do anything - if he refuses to chnage his behaviour then the choice is yours- one person cannot make a relationship work no matter how much that person loves their partner. No matter how much you love him you can't make him love you back. You need to be ready to accept that the situation may be past saving and move on without him - I don't say that lightly because I know how hard that is.

But lets face it do you deserve to spend your life being second best? To be with a guy who is only with you because he's scared of his Mother? Is that the male role model you wnat for your kids.? Sometimes it takes a stronger person to leave than to stay - at least if you start making some choices instead of waiting on him making his mind up your life will be directed by you and not someone else.

verychatty30 · Accepted Answer

first thing first I take it he is still in contact with this lady? and how long have you been together with your boyfriend?

and second take it from someone who know's what it is like to feel the way you do cause belivie me I've been there the mis trust being parinoid insercure etc etc now in your case you perfectly in your rights to have these feelings and it is NOT your fault that he is doing this to you so don't let your boyfriend try and ease his guilt by putting it onto you!

this is one thing about men that I will never understand why do they insits on complicating things that have no reason to be complicated if this lady is just a friend like he say's she is then why lie in the first place I will never understand that.

now take it from someone who has been there don't keep thinking about it as it will drive you insane talk to him get him to tell you the truth and let him know that you won't be treated with disrespect the way he is and if there is something going on then the desicion of what you do after that is upto you but don't let him put the blame onto you as it's not your fault.

i wish you luck

Brianna987 · Accepted Answer

It doesn't matter whether he's having sex with her or not - he is already insanely emotionally attached to her. And that's purely to detriment of his relationship with you. That his Mom likes you is not a good reason for you to stay. Please just consider not staying there anymore. Just consider it.

Trihill · Accepted Answer

if they aren't cheating by now, they will be...don't wait till the honeymoon or engagement to figure that out...late night texting, late night get-togethers...all going somewhere eventually

in this situation why, he is cheating would probably be because there's no responsibility out of it for him and as for the married woman, probably because she's having issues with her husband...

Why would my boyfriend and a married woman like each other?

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