Boyfriend pressuring me to move in with him & ditch my friends?

[Anonymous]

So to make a long story short: I've been dating this guy I really like for eight months and we're having a lot of fun getting to know each other. He has a "tough guy" reputation and even though I was a little intimidated by him in the beginning, he eventually showed me his sweet/caring side & won me over :) The problem is that he and my best girl friends do not get along in the slightest. They basically think he's a jerk because I told them about some of our disagreements & they're still holding a grudge against him. I was only venting my frustrations and didn't think they'd harbour resentment (especially since we always make up afterwards). Our relationship has gotten pretty serious and he has been spending the night at my place (which I share with my two best friends). We each pay 1/3 of the rent and have been living together for over a year. After my boyfriend and my best friend got into a huge argument, they basically made me choose between them & I was really hurt by that because I obviously care about all of them. I ended up leaving with my boyfriend because he acts recklessly when he's upset and I didn't want him to do anything he might later regret. They were offended that I went after him & didn't stick up for them even though I told him not to disrespect my friends like that. My friends and I haven't talked in a few days even after I tried apologizing. They just wouldn't hear it so I've been spending a lot of time at my boyfriend's house because I don't want to return to my house and have awkward tension if they're still not ready to forgive me. We've gotten a lot closer and now he keeps telling me to just move in with him and that he thinks my friends will come around if I give them space. I'm starting to question his motives because my best friends and I have always been inseparable and this fight is the worst one we've ever been in. What do you think I should do? Is he really a jerk or are they just overreacting? :(

[cheapshotbob]

it sounds like he is being a jerk maybe playing on your emotions to get rid of your friends. i know i had a friend of 7 years then she met a guy and due to his insecurity eh dropped me like bad habit for him. and its been a few years since we have talked.

it might not be like that bit if you want to risk good friends be with the guy and be happy and fund new friends im guessing thats what she did since i dont talk to my freind anymore.

[Asker]

Unfortunately I think you might have a point. I don't want to lose my friendships because of a stupid argument and I can still make things right between all of us. Maybe I'll encourage them to have an honest conversation with each other so everything is out in the open & I can mediate the situation. I just care too much about my friends & my boyfriend to let either of them go. Thanks for your advice :)

[cheapshotbob]

thats a good idea and i hope it works for you better than it did for me. i will keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Criptic]

I think the resentment he has for your friends is justified since they picked on him first. What you seem to have here is both sides trying to protect you from one another. Maybe discuss with both of them to not make them hate each other like that.

[Asker]

I hate that they don't get along because I love them both so much & it sucks that they can't give each other the benefit of the doubt. It's true that he has done some hurtful things to me in the past but if I've forgiven him, why can't they? They both said some really harsh things to each other and it got totally out of hand :( I don't think it's a good idea to move in with him because our relationship is somewhat unpredictable and isolate me even more from my best friends. Thanks for your advice :)

[mattmanyah]

I think he is showing a lot of really bad red flags and that you will regret continuing this relationship

[Asker]

What kind of red flags? What do you mean?

[mattmanyah]

him getting angry and you having to get him away from your friends its a sign that when he gets angry he becomes blind to his actions... could lead to abuse very very easily

[Asker]

Never thought of it that way. It honestly makes me a little worried. I think I'm going to go back with my friends because I can't stand their silence & if he has a problem with it... that's too bad. If he really cares about me he'll want me to make up with my friends and be happy :)

[mattmanyah]

I think that's a very wise choice