When does your friends hooking up with your EX cross the line?

Question

I've always wondered about this and have gotten so many different opinions. My freshman year of college I had a boyfriend for 4 to 5 months who all my friends knew because since we were freshman and we were all in the same dorm we hung out together. Him and I broke up but continued to hook up occasionally for the next couple months because we both still have unfinished feelings.

One drunk night one of my best friends hooked up with him while she had a boyfriend of 2 to 3 years! I was furious with both of them because he should know better than to hook up with my best friend and a girl that has a bf! and she should just know that that's not right!

Most of my friends were on my side and were furious at her and my ex, but then others said he was my ex, and when she apologized she said she felt worse that she cheated on her boyfriend then that she hurt me. I've also had other friends hook up with this ex a couple months after we stopped hooking up and I still thought it wasn't right but other people would yell at me saying your not allowed to be mad!

Ive also heard people allow it if your friend and your ex really like each other and ask permission I guess

So, when in your opinion does your friend hooking up with your ex cross the line?

I'm always open to hear anyones personal stories!

W

ambertaylor · Accepted Answer

Loving the mean girls quote for A (:

I chose B, Cause I think it all depends on the situation, the reason that the pair broke up and how the friend still feels about it all. Like, if people are drunk or whatever and just getting with each other for the hell of it then it's fair enough and no one should be too mad because it's all a bit of fun but if it's sober and meaningful then feelings of others should be considered.

I'd consider it crossing the line if a friend of mine hooked up with a guy I'd really recently broken up with, I think I'd consider it to be a fresh break up to be about a period of two weeks after it ended. I'd also have a right to be mad if my friend knew I wasn't still over that guy.

But hey, life is too short to hold grudges ;D

missymoo · Accepted Answer

I think I would get annoyed at my friend. It would just make me wonder whether she had been wanting to be with him the whole time I was with him, and that would get to me. Also I would consider any less than a couple of months too quick to hook up, at least so I can move on first and have some closure on the relationship, and I would consider it just a dog act if they knew I still liked them, even if we werent together. There's just certain boundaries you shouldn't cross in a friendship.

human_condition · Accepted Answer

My best friend once went out with my ex. He was my first love, and though it had been ages she knew very well that I wasn't over him.

Even if you have feelings for someone's ex, it's just not right to pursue them unless you can be 100% sure your friend is over them. In my opinion anyway.

tehdude · Accepted Answer

Why does it matter?

When someone complains about their friend dating their ex, the only possible conclusion I can come to is that the person complaining is jealous. There IS no other logical conclusion. If I dated some chick and then we broke up and then she was dating my best friend the next day, while it'd be awkward to be around her still, it would have nothing to do with my best friend dating her. Two separate issues. My best friend isn't the kinda person that would "steal" a girl from me.

Hughman · Accepted Answer

Those stats are interesting, women are way more territorial (or guys abide much more strongly to the mantra of 'bros before hos')

If I was the one dumping, my friends can do what they like. Within reason, allowing for cooling off and re-hook-up time.

noctum · Answer

This is dumb..

and after seeing votes ..it even depresses me..

what gives you the right to say what your ex does or date.. you do not own him

what gives you the right to say who your freinds should date .. you do not owen them too..

Relationship is over ... both parts cna do whatever they want..

Stop being selfish.. just cos you coundt be happy with an ex doenst mean your freind can't ..

BDub89 · Answer

If they check with me, then I probably wouldn't care.  I'd give him trouble, like asking him how my d*ck tastes and stuff for a while, but if I saw it getting real serious, I'd back off.  Now for random hook-ups, that would probably bother me-- luckily my friends and I have never had to deal with that, and its just kind of an unsaid rule

SuckerPunch · Answer

it really depends how serious the relationship was. If you were engaged or dated for years then that's really messed up but if you dated for not that long, why shouldn't your friend be able to date them? you're always going to have ex's and if you can date someone else your ex should be able to too, even if the person they would be dating is your friend

Anonymous · Answer

I had "friends"do the same thing to me. I dumped those friends,told my ex to take a long walk off of a very short pier,and moved on. I found new friends who wouldn't hook up with my ex,no matter how tempted or drunk they may be. That's one of the biggest rules in a true friendship. Boyfriends,past and current, are off limits. Your ex sounds like a total man whore and your friends must be as skanky as some of my ex friends are. You need to move on to a better boyfriend who will treat you with the respect you deserve,even if you break up. And,you need to find some better friends like I did. Trust me on this;you will find people who love and respect you way more than your current ex and friends are. It isn't worth having your heart broken again and again.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's okay if you hook up a couple years later. You know like once your friend is happy and then you and the ex find each other and start hooking up. The friend should have no problem if they're happy with their current relationship. If it's like a few weeks or months, then that's just dirty. I had a friend who did that and I beat her ass for sleeping with him because she knew he wasn't over me and I wasn't over him. She was just desperate to get laid.

starbucksaddict14 · Answer

I'm not sure.. I think if she talked to me about it first it would be much better haha. But at the same time your friend was drunk, and I know that's not an excuse but when we're drunk we can't make the best decisions.. :(

Haaps · Answer

you and your ex should have no feelings of attachment towards each other after you break up. they are just any other person and who they go out with isn't your business anymore.

Lizzie1990 · Answer

As much as I think if you break up with someone then there free to date whoever they want I would feel really awkward and weird if a friend started dating one of my ex's. Not quite sure why

martyfellow · Answer

Once they're an ex, how can you object?   Sometimes, sure there are lingering feelings of jealousy, but that;s not  reasonable.

Anonymous · Answer

I personally think its low to hookup with a friends ex. I heard rumors about a friend of mine hooking up with an ex and it really gutted me.

drummerdude27 · Answer

once we break up it's fair game. maybe wait a while if they dumped your friend but it's fair game otherwise

justhat1chick · Answer

its messed up but wen its over it over and if your friends a bitch like that then clearly you shudnt be friends with her anyways

Vaticka · Answer

it depends on the ex, some exs I wouldn't mind a friend dating, some exs I definitely  would mind

Life_is_odd · Answer

If he's out of your life then who cares, its his life let he f**k who he wants,

emzy-89 · Answer

i would never date a friends ex unless something like 5yrs or more has past.

Anonymous · Answer

I would say after maybe a few years, ex are okay for friends. Friends that hang out 6 months after with the ex, I would be seriously p*ssed off at.

Anonymous · Answer

it's your ex. what he does and who he is with is non of your business.

Justmean · Answer

I voted B I won't care.

When does your friends hooking up with your EX cross the line?

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