Men-- your lady wants to have a girls weekend? is it OK?

[cajundani]

I have been married for 12 years, and haven't spent much time with my friends since we got married, hubby has always been one to want to spend every minute of every day with me and doesn't like it when I just have dinner with a "girl " friend.

My long time best friend lives 3 hours away and invited me to a weekend in New Orleans for her birthday, just 6 girls going shopping and having a fun weekend. None of us drink more than a glass of wine at dinner and we are not club type girls. 4 of the girls are married 2 are single.

We have kids but both are old enough to take care of themselves so its not like I am leaving him with a baby to take care of and we have nothing else going on that I need to be at home for like kids football games and such.

but as soon as I mentioned it He threw a fit and said that's not something a married woman should be doing.

What is your opinion...is it wrong for me to want a girls weekend ? or does it just bother him because I have never asked to do this before?

Every time I try to talk to him about it he just gets p*ssy and says again...Its not something a married woman should do! but won't tell me why he thinks that!

[selfishstars]

Sorry, but it sounds like your husband is controlling, unreasonable, and immature (at least in this aspect).

Not only is it okay to spend time with your friends, its important and healthy. Being in a relationship where the only people you spend time with each other is not healthy.

Normally I would say, "You should sit down and have a calm and rational conversation about this," to find out why it bothers him, what he's worried might happen, help him understand why you want to do this/why its important to you, etc., but I realize that's easier said than done when your partner refuses to talk about it and only gets angry.

I don't know if this would help, but you could try suggesting that it would be a chance for him to do some of the things that he enjoys doing but doesn't get to do much when you're around (work on a project, go golfing or fishing or whatever, spend time with his guy friends (maybe even plan a weekend away himself).

Also, spending some time apart can be really good for your relationship. It gives you a chance to miss each other, which makes it more exciting when you see each other again. When my partner and I spend some time apart, it seems to give our romance and sex life a little jumpstart when we see each other again.

Try to help him see it as a positive thing rather than a negative thing.

[cajundani]

Thank you! All his friends pretty much live out of town and I think that's why he is so clingy to me. he doesn't have any hobbies that don't involve me. I have tried for years to "help" him find projects without me or to convince him to take a weekend away with his friends but he just says married people should not go off without their spouse! I agree that if we spend a little time apart it would def help our marriage and sex life! like you said ...easier said than done! Thanks for answering.

[selfishstars]

Yeah. I think that sometimes we get into a comfortable routine with our relationships, so when someone does something "out of the ordinary", it can be a little scary. Jealousy and insecurity can often compound these feelings. On the other hand, sometimes people just have different views on what relationships should be like---that when you're married, the only person you should need is your partner. But being dependent on each other for everything and not having outside companionship isn't good

[selfishstars]

For either of you.

I really think you should go, but I know it can be a hard balance to keep the peace.

[Jamesflames]

Always the man being controlling, but in every single situation I hear this from friends and family. If the man wants to do the want, it's all hell on earth, guilt tripping and forever lost trust if you ever went out the same way.

So stop the bs please. Married people have nothing to do at hookup bars am clubs, why even take that risk? Because I think we all can agree that alcohol, music, dressing up, dancing amongst Tons of singles increasing the risk of making mistakes.

[miki94]

Just tell him he is wrong and go. And every time he says: "Its not something a married woman should do!" You say: "Yes it is. A married woman still has friends."

And if he refuses to explain he's opinion, you simply disagree and don't bother to explain yours, but do as you please. Eventually he will confront you for your actions since he obviously doesn't like them. When he does, you two will have a chance to talk directly using more then 2 sentences.

Good luck.

Note that this advice is a possible cause for quite of a fight.

[Anonymous]

its not wrong to go have some fun! and rather wouldn't it be kinda great to fly from the bids nest for a while I mean its only days so what's he getting pissed about for

but then again...

my ladies night wasn't that great

i ended up going to a strip club and making out with a stripper, I will never drink again and wats worse was how that was my fist time too

[RealDeal]

Well it seems like a sensitive subject to him. Is he insecure? Or old fashioned or anything? That's not what married women do? Are there rules in a marriage like that? I'm not married and never have been so, that confuses me. I thought it was a about respecting each other and balancing life, work and family. But what do I know?

Do I think you should go? Yes, unless you think that your marriage is in danger if you do leave. Have you ever thought of bring your girls over to your house just to sit and lounge around while your husband is at home? That's what I have done in the past. "Oh you don't want us out at the club? No worries, they'll just come over and if you would like to join us you are more then welcome too". She slowly learned that me + my friends = Annoying guys acting like immature boys. But hey that is really all we do and after wards there is a huge mess to clean up.

[cajundani]

He is a little old fashioned I guess.....And I have tried having friends over , it doesn't bother him, he just goes into the other room and watched TV or computer. or if they are friends he likes he has no problem hanging out with us while we watch a sappy chick flick.....Our marriage would not be in danger if I go just that I would have to deal with a angry, p*ssy bad mood hubby for a week or so when I get home!

[RealDeal]

That's when you come back and tell him how much you missed him and how although that time apart was what you needed. It was nice to come back to that smile and warm embrace.

[Guacamole]

Clearly, your husband's reaction to your possible excursion is based on a sense of abandonment. You say he has always wanted to spend every night and day with you, which is nice ... but it's also a bit clingy and suffocating. Yes, you're married and committed to him in every way, but that shouldn't be confused with slavery. You are allowed to have fun - yes, even occasionally without him!

With that said, if you haven't done this sort of thing before, you should be at least sensitive to his feeling threatened (as slightly ridiculous as it may be). I would encourage him to take a similar trip with his friends. I would also stress how conservative this will actually be (four married women sounds conservative to me), that you will call him each day and that it is only 2 or 3 days.

Good luck.

[Leeggg]

You are in an abusive relationship, cajundani. Abusive relationships aren't necessarily violence-related. Acts like controlling where a person goes, how much money they spend, who they talk to are all signs of an abusive relationship.

I'm sure he'd understand if he had friends of his own that he spent time with, but right now he's being irrational, clingy, controlling and just a plain old arsehole.

Going clubbing or bar-crawling is not something a married woman should do imo, but shopping and spending time with friends is something that a woman SHOULD do, not just should be allowed to do. Even if you did drink with your girlfriends at your hotel or whereever and got drunk, he should be able to understand that.

[EvanNassau]

Hey cajundani,

Of course a married woman can spend time with her girlfriends. The reason he doesn't want you to do that is because when women get together they talk about their life, their kids... and their husbands/boyfriends. He doesn't want you talking with these girls, getting "ideas" and coming back a different woman.

Of course, by not letting you spend time with your friends, this makes you think about your relationship with him, get annoyed/upset, etc. So really he is doing himself a disservice by not letting you go.

Although it's disconcerting when your wife or girlfriend goes on a "girls weekend," ultimately you have to let her do it (at least once in a while) because it's not right to be overly-controlling.

Best

- Evan

Time for friends – Am I a bad boyfriend? -> link

[tzdc21]

We'll let me give you some insight on why he says that is not something married women do. See what does happen a lot of the time is that on "girls trips" girls a lot of the times, not all the time, but a lot of the times hook up with guys. And unfortunately what has happened especially now these days is that a lot of women who are in relationships go out and cheat on their boyfriends on these trips, while still having that guy at home as a "safety net" and guys find that to be really disrespectful. And I've noticed that a bunch of women who do this always try to shame the guy when or if he confronts her about it saying "you're insecure, you're toxic, etc." Because they know it is a problem and they don't want to be painted in a bad light. I'm not saying this happens on every single girls trip, but it has happened a lot of times to the point where now a lot of guys are concerned about this topic. Just giving you some insight from the other side.

[tzdc21]

I agree completely with you.

[Anonymous]

Your husband doens't like it when you have dinner with a female friend of yours?

Was he always like this? Or, without patronizing you, did you do something to make him suspicious that he would set such a preference for you? Or is that friend a diseased lesbian?

Yes, I'm joking in part, but I know a few girls who are going through the same thing. I went over there to talk the guy with my shotgun and marine dagger, yet he pointed a rocket launcher at me so I yield. Then we laughed, had some beers, got him really drunk, after which he admitted he suspected his wife was having an affair is why he was so controlling.

[Westernized]

You shouldn't have married. N9tice the men's comments and notice the woman's. You shouldn't need to go hang with woman married out of town. Sounds childish and immature. Your husband is not insecure. He respects himself. Listen to these silly internet woman who can't keep a man if you want. Men are not stupid. It's not insecure he wanted a wife that doesn't think it's cool to go hang out with single woman out of town over multiple nights while you all drink around music, and other guys. Shaming him for thinking smart. That's that western female bs mentality.

[WeaponZero]

Having a support network of friends and family outside of your marriage is one of the core necessities to making a marriage work. If your husband can't understand that you'll be miserable without them, then he's just not suitable husband material and he will eventually drive you away.

[dtaijo174]

Even the most conservative old fashion husbands shoudl be OK with this. As long as you are not going out and getting trashed every night he shouldn't have anything to worry about. A few drinks with some girl friends to catch is perfectly acceptable. A dinner with a girlfriend should not even make him jealous at all... what's his deal>?

I'd say just go and give him updates every once in awhile to check in. He's obviously insecure.

[Anonymous]

It's sad that after all these years years of marriage he doesn't trust you. I would think that it's not only reasonable to want a girls weekend, but I feel you deserve some time with your friends. He has issues, either a lack of trust or he's a controller.

[westman74]

I am going through the same thing with my wife. The trust is there and everything else but her friends are not trust worthy... That is a concern along with drinking and driving. But I told her it is cool to go because I love and trust her.

[Czkc816]

Because single women are obviously going to talk to men who approach them… you’ve done something or your friends have that has caused your husband not to trust you. Tell the full story here… why is there no trust? Playing victim is part of a woman’s DNA it’s a survival tactic.. a barbaric one at that. Men often get ridiculed and called insecure because of something their woman did to them.. nobody knows the full story behind this so don’t go to the internet with some generic question.

[billmunch]

I think it's healthy to get away for the weekend. It strengthens bonds. My wife does it with her friends every year. I know they're going to drink, go dancing, lay in the sun and get laid.

[0ddjob]

Awesome.

I'm going hunting! See you late Sunday.

Have a good time!

[larry69]

I think you should go! It is good to see friends and it should not be his choice

[Libarena]

My sister, sister in law, and I have had a couple.

[RebeccaSJ]

Hubby has never seemed to mind.

[Anonymous]

I would have your bags packed for her. Go go!

[Dom163]

Of course it is