I don't care what was the reason. I would never allowed someone beating my kids. there's other ways like taking away electronic devices. Or no tv for a week. Only parents know the wifi password. I was abusive by my parents as a child. I don't wishe it on anyone. My mom would have her mental break downs she would just barged into my room for no reason and start hitting me with whatever. So no hitting is not the way for discipline. I had to go to theraphy sessions it couses so much damege to the child.
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I absolutely would not agree with that. Physical abuse is not how you get anyone behave. I wouldn’t physically abuse my partner if he did want to do that in retaliation though. It’s sort of hypocritical 😂
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The dad (biological, not step) has every right to discipline like the mother does. He has equal responsibility to raise the kid. So the argument of the mother deciding the method of discipline due to carrying the child for 9 months is invalid. In the case of a scenario where one parent has custody and the other visitation, the custodial parent has the responsibility of disciplining the child. The style of discipline has to be decided and agreed upon by both parents or else the child will feel like one parent has more authority than the other parent, which will lead the child to disrespecting one parent and running to the other. To answer the question of whether or not I would agree if my partner decides to punish my child with physical pain, it depends on the situation. I am a firm believer in physical pain punishment if the child's action could harm them physically. For example, I would spank a child who runs in the road, plays with fire, fights or something similar because I am teaching them that physical pain comes with that action. I would hope that they associate the physical pain with their action so they do not hurt themselves worse. If their action has consequences other than physical then physical pain would not be appropriate. And spanking a child is legal in the US as long as excessive or permanent harm is not caused. For example, it is ok to lightly smack a child's hands, but using force that could injure them is illegal.
I've had GF's with kids, and seen relationships like this.
My answer is no for most cases, that the birth parent should be disciplining and the "bolt on" parent provides support.
Don't forget about the "love" and positive reinforcement aspect.
Add another dimension of the birth father being involved, shared custody with a possible bolt on woman for the birth father and you can see how kids become scrambled eggs mentally. They just need to understand right/wrong, their place, love and support and guidance. An inconsistent, or out of kilter framework, or abusive scenario creates havoc in their development. That's not professional, that's by observation.
If you and new guy aren't on same page, then you need counseling. As well, I think all parents should get some education about what you are facing and how important it is. The parenting job now is far more difficult and dangerous, moreso than when kids used to wander around in the woods with bears and tigers. They are still out there... in the form of human and they are much much worse. Thus.. you want to be the trusted sources with open communication.
Good luck to you, the rest of us are counting on you to not screw this up:)People need to understand the difference between loving disciple and abuse. Spanking is not abuse beating a child is abuse. The law states this clearly. If you leave marks and bruises on the skin its abuse. A red ass is a sign of a job well done thats not black and blue. Spanking in America is not illegal but abuse is. I have been told this by DFS many times because i have been reported for child abuse 9 times for spanking my kids. Do you know how many times the claim was found to be false by DFS even with my admission to hitting the child? All nine times its my right by law to discipline my child how i see fit. I was spanked as a child my 8 siblings were to and we are not messed up by it and we all spank our kids. Its funny how in public we only have to tell our children to do something once and the kids know if they dont listen whats next. The kids who cuss, talk back, dont listen, abuse thier parents. They all know mom will tell them 20 times to stop before time out. I have seen it thousands of times. Physical punishment works, Kids need it. If you have emotional trauma from spanking as a child. That was not a loving spanking it was abuse big difference. For as the argument about adults dont get hit for doing wrong. Tell that to the millions around the world who get beat with a cain. Many countries still use caining as a form of punishment for adults just not here in America. We should have it here it would help our out of control population. The fact of the matter spankings not beating works no one can deny that. Does other forms work sure they do but its up to the parents. But go to a mall and you will see who spanks and who dont, just saying.
I really never raised a kid so i dont know what to expect. But some kids on the street i see deserve spanking. Now i would try to find alternative ways to discipline a child (no playstation for three days, no buying a new bicycle if they are acting bad) these things actually work. I remember when i was young my mother used to teach me the alphabet and I wouldn’t understand it so she used to beat me until i feel flames under my skin. I would go to bed wishing i am dead. And have nightmares. Even believe my mom is the devil. It got so bad that i asked her that i will study on my own. So some parents can abuse that. And punish a kid when they don’t deserve it . Punishing a kid for being slow learners doesn't do any good. I believe only the kid should be physically disciplined if they did something really serious. But also if your kid is good and can be talked into things give it a try. As there are genuinely good kids out there. And some really bad nasty ones to. Spare the spanking for those
People who turn to physical punish are lazy, incompetent, ignorant or stupid. Take your pick. They all apply.
There is ***NO NEED*** for physical punishment if one lays down ground rules & enforces them.
But as an example - the child has household chores (e. g. taking the garbage out). They refuse to do it. OK. That child can't play on the computer, cell phone or video games until those chores are done.
It is literally that simple. It's not hard. I'm one of 3. People have complimented my parents on how well behaved we were since I was 6. Never got hit. Once.
Physical punishment simply teaches a child that when someone doesn't "obey" you it's perfectly okay to beat the shit out of them. Why do you think bullies often come from troubled households? Because they learn their charming (reality > disrespectful, nasty, ignorant, etc.) behaviour from mommy & daddy dearest.My first wife and I nearly came to blows over this. One of the daughters had done something but no one was going to own up to it so she was ready to chastise all of them. Only thing was she had to deal with me first. I told her no way but she was determined to go ahead. I was angry I picked her up by her arms just under her shoulders , and moved her out of the way so the girls could get out of the way of her. She kicked me and I told her to pack it in or things could get bad, if things weren't bad enough.
Thank fully she saw sense.
I didn't realise how hard I had grabbed her , a couple of days I noticed that she had bruises in the area I had grabbed on her..Spankings are leagal in Texas and I'm pretty sure every state but don't quote me on that. I spank with my hand not with a paddle. Before they are spanked they admit to what they did wrong if they don't timeouts and groundings are added on to the punishment. After the spankings when they are calming down I tell them why what they are doing is unacceptable and we go over ways to correct the behavior... I do agree that just spanking is a terrible punishment if you don't explain good and bad behavior over you will not see it...
There's a rather thin line between discipline and physical abuse. Things like this always depend of the situation at hand, which is why its hard to form a solid stance when we speak in hypotheticals. I still recognize the benefits of proper physical discipline of course, but from my own childhood experience the line between abuse and punishment was so blurred that I honestly don't know if I could ever do things like that to my own child in the future. I don't want to become what my own father is to me now, to my future child y'know.
If I find out he slapped my kids I would hit him with baseball bat. I've been used as a punching ball when I was a kid by my mother and it's horrible (not feeling safe around the person who's supposed to love you the most and protect you is one of the worse feelings). So i definitely don't want my kid to ever feel this.
Or maybe I won't do him anything and just call the cops on him.
But I will definitely dump the dude.I spank my kids so no I dont care if my husband does it unless he's doing it just to be mean. And or to my older son because he doesn't learn from spanking so I use different punishment styles with him compared to my younger son that litterally only learns from spanking.
I use to disagree with spanking until I had kids and realized that is just how some kids learnYou say it's your kid. Is it not your partners kid too? If I had a child I would punish them however I felt fit trying to avoid being a hot head as always. If the mother tried to tell me I couldn't punish my child how I felt fit I would question her.
I think too many children have gone without punishments of any kind. I've seen 5 year olds swear at their parents, threatening them and had no repercussions.If anyone puts their hands on my kids they will find my foot up their ass LOL there is no reason to be hitting anyone let alone my kids. There are better ways to deal with things other than hitting. And if I had a partner and she went to hit my kids, I would grab her and throw her out my front door along with her stuff. I will not put up with that.
You are doing your children a disservice by your position. Children need discipline, and sparing the lash only pushes the problem down the road. Other punishments are weak and will not suffice. A well disciplined child will only need corporeal punishment a handful of times before they learn to obey.
Heck no, they haven’t earned the right, and even then they got to talk to me first. 7 years minimum in my kids life And then I got to take them through a personally taught class on what not to do. And then the 1st year they got to come to me and ask and then I might maybe possibly allow them to punish my kid
I'm a firm believer that you are going to get walked all over by your kids later in life if you continue to think that way. However, my dad used to smack the crap out of me for minor infractions growing up all the time. I don't believe in the tanning of the hides til they can't sit or even using a belt as a tool, but some kids need the slap on the wrist or a spanking sometimes.
Most child abuse and child homicide is committed by women.
http://www.breakingthescience.org/SimplifiedDataFromDHHS.phpSometimes a few spanks are good for the child education. So yes if my son or daughter needs some disciplining I will do it. And I expect my wife to be on my side.
It all depends on the type of punishment/ physical pain. There is a difference in spanking and bearing your child. I personally think a spanking now and then isn't a bad thing if it is warranted. I have seen the outcome of children who didn't get punished as a kid and they turn into giant a**holes as adults. I deal with incarcerated females everyday, and I can't tell you how many young ones (19-22) that come in on a daily basis that have no respect for anyone.
I shouted at my girlfriend's 7yr old daughter and she kicked me in the testicles with a lot of force. It was so painful that I went to A&E and I was lucky to get a badly swollen ballsack and not loose a Ball. I asked her to wash the dishes because it was her duty but she swung her elbow round and got me in the balls again. I give up because it's too painful.
Since your not a mother yet and we don't know about your partner I just curious why this thought came to your mind when you don't even have kids of your own? 🤔
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