Would you stay friends with people who once bullied you?

[Anonymous]

[nolabels]

I've become friends, or at least friendly, with some of my former classmate bullies once they realized what they were doing, and they were remorseful about it; also, it helped when they were assured that I truly forgave them for their bullying behavior.
Most of the reason for my bullying, as far as I can tell, was my dislike of team sports.
That made me an outsider in their eyes.
However, when I was young, in my school days, I could run very fast. So, when what used to be called "Field Day" came along and I entered the 50 and 100 yard dash competitions, I excelled and won in those events. Immediately, I became the so-called "hero" of our class, for a few days, anyway.
I think that was some sort of tribal thing, that my performance elevated the entire class, they became appreciative, and were then able to see that my dislike of team sports wasn't my condemnation of their views, and that I had my own ways of contributing to the "society".
That was a purely accidental way to end the bullying, but, hey, whatever works, I'll take it.
I believe that every form of bullying will require it's own method of resolution, but I think that bullying comes down to tribalism in some form.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the following:

• how long ago was it?
• did they ever apologize or hint at remorse?
• have they changed?
• do they have personal struggles themselves (bullies are sometimes prior bullying victims themselves) or are they privileged and abusing it?
• do they still think they can bully you now?

I was viciously bullied in grade school. 5th grade it was almost every day. But a few kids apologized to me years later. They also congratulated me on becoming all around successful guy (very athletic, good job and good looking)

However I cut off a long time “friend”‘ after he decided to be a dbag at his bachelors party 2 years ago. He brought an old memory of how his buddy and him got laid and at our place and I didn’t 12 years ago before Christmas. He was teasing/mocking the half “good job guys” and half “fuck you guys” look on my face the next morning. I barely remembered it but he had to bring it up again go get his middle school
jollies as a 36 yr old grown ass man.

At that point in my life I was burning the candle on both ends with a horribly demanding job and doing a very tough sport (mma fighting). I had virtually no time to date or even think about pursuing women. I was sacrificing to do something greater. Yet I was very lonely and wanted a legit girlfriend. He was mocking me about it (he was a frat boy smartass). Ironically he was one of my loudest and most supportive fans when I did fight.

I lost my remaining respect for him after that. A grown ass 36 yr old man shouldn’t be acting that way. I regret not punching him in the face.

[Anonymous]

No. It’s more like they bully me and then I stop talking to them gradually. This takes me back to a middle school friend who didn’t really like me at the beginning. She didn’t invite me to her 14th birthday party because she thought I was weird? Then oddly enough she suggested we shouldn’t make this a big deal and continue to be friends. But even then she was being toxic, like taking other people’s sides when I have arguments or laughing at my failures (not in a nice way believe me). Even though we were really close at the time, (going to each other’s homes and our families met) she was not nice when you got to know her. She was very callous when I told her something hurt me and instead of backing off she would tell me to not be so sensitive or suggest that I’m being petty.

I think about junior year I started not wanting to hang out with her anymore and turned her down when she asked to hang out. her mom made an effort to keep us close together as she suggested our families meet again. But yeah we don’t talk anymore and I had unfriended her on FB as well. I had also moved schools the next year so we problem solved I guess.

[lumos]

No. I made it a point to not keep in touch with any of my so-called "friends" who bullied me in middle school and high school. I even started keeping my distance back then. Unfortunately we were in the same friend groups so it was hard for me to ditch them completely, but once we graduated and parted ways, we did so for good. I'm sure they've grown up by now and maybe they're not the same people they were back then (I hope so, at least) but I have no interest in hanging out with or trusting people who were capable of hurting me on purpose like that. They really went out of their way to try to humiliate me in front of others. I'm not ashamed to admit that those are some pretty deep scars for me, and I would not want to potentially reopen those scars by putting my trust in the people who have already proven to me that they don't value me.

[The6ix]

I believe people can change, but Im not going to wait around for people to change. People deserve 2nd chances, sure. But in this world people are two-faced, I keep my social circle small so I don't need to remain friends with people like that. If they messaged me and apologized in a sincere manner then sure, but again, don't wait around for people who mistreated you expecting an apology. Just last week there was a guy who tried to be a friend through the 2019-20 school year because I went to class regularly, took notes and did well. He openly said, "yeah to be real man, I only used you for your notes" and to top that off he gloated about having a girlfriend and that he will do better than me in life in all areas. I just laughed at him and said "your mad that you can't go to the US for law school for covid". This douche bag guy, actually made fun of a girl with a disability, he drinks and acts like a retard, he modified his car with illegal things and etc. I told him straight up, I knew he was going to stop talking to me after university ended and we graduated, I called him a pussy after he talked shit about my religion. I know this isn't bullying but I'm not going to wait around for an idiot like that, I don't need people like that in my life, they are toxic.

[Asker]

what is your religion?

[The6ix]

I don't want to say, not that i'm embarrassed but I get tired of the hate people say. I don't trust people.

[RingOfFire]

When I was in school we didn't have such a thing as "bullying." It was just considered normal for kids to pick on other kids. There was a lot of fighting in the schools I went to and if you were a boy you just had to be tough. By the time we got into about the 8th or 9th grade boys used to have scheduled fights after school to settle the score between themselves.

I was in a scheduled fight with a kid that was harassing me all the time one day after school with about 50 kids there watching. We really went at it and rolled down this river bank into the water. I got the better of it and won the fight and he gave up. But some kids threw fireworks at us and it blew open the other kid's hand (the kid I was fighting with). It was really bad. I helped him up and rushed him to the school where an ambulance took him to the hospital. He lost two fingers after surgery.

We were about 14 years old. We became best friends and are still friends to this day.

So yes, you can become friends with people who are your enemies. But the conditions have to be right.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Probably. I mean if they apologized for it, and explained why they were in a bad place at the time. My cousins bullied me a lot for being nerdy and yet life shows them that you can be affected by mental illness or addiction at any stage of your life. One got sent to rehab and another is on disability. They know back then they weren't the shit and they were acting out. Maybe this is different because they are family, but in general I'm a pretty forgiving person. I had a roommate that bullied me a lot in college. I don't think we'd be friends unless we became co-workers or something. But even then, I'm sure I would try to be friends, just because making friends on your own as a young adult is actually really hard. And hindsight is 2020. I bet that bully would apologize because she figured herself out in the time we've grown apart.

[Twinrova]

Well it depends on whether the bullying has come to a halt or not. In high school I had bad acne, a mushroom cut, excess body fat, and I was forced to eat the ugly school uniform; I didn’t look good or attract many women until I was 15 where I had a brief stint of success and got a couple of girls to give me their cell phone numbers. Nothing came of this. I was a virgin for a while afterwards and I had this one insecure friend who would make fun of me for it on a regular basis. Now I am dating the former model and he is so desperate he got with a girl who was justifiably disliked for her personality and appearance by the majority of guys in our school. I don’t associate with him any more; as far as I know he hasn’t changed much.

[Twinrova]

forced to wear* spell check... -.-

[Dazed0N0Confused]

I've had people apologize to me years later for them being cold to me, especially when they come into my bar and they want "better service" ie a heavier pour. But people I know who bullied my brother they get the standard pour and a little up charge for being assholes to my little brother back in the day

[DeeDeeDeVour]

If anyone has attempted to bully me, that fool was never a friend to begin with. Therefore, there was no friendship to maintain. I have stood up to bullies in defense of a weak individual or group of unassertive people. The goal was to make them aware of their atrocious ways and turn them to do wise things instead to terrorizing the meek. The former bullies and the former victims earned my friendship and now stand on equal ground as friends with a common bond.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

instead *of terrorizing the meek

[Mollynotgemma]

You can’t ‘stay’ friends with anyone that has bullied you as they are not friends.
But... would I forgive the bully... yes! Could they become my friend... yes!
Bullies bully only those they fear and feel threatened by. Sadly a bully is proof to the person they are bullying that they are amazing... yet bullying happens mostly when at school and the bully and victim are both victims and unable to understand it because of no life experience

[ArrowheadSW]

There are a couple of people who I knew when I was a kid who went through a bullying phase when we were all about 12. It wasn't that serious and I would be friends with them today if I were in touch with them and they grew up to be decent.

However I knew others who were assholes and I wouldn't be friends with them today because I have no reason to. And I have more self respect than to give my time to someone like that.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

If it was a pattern of behaviour, they wouldn't be friends to begin with.

Some light hearted ribbing is fine, but once someone disrespects me, they're pretty much done in my eyes. Maybe one more chance if they're lucky or they've been good up until then.

[MarkRet]

Most of the bullies I had were high school classmates. A couple of years after graduation, I got a new job and moved to another part of the state, so I left my old world behind. It's very unlikely I'd ever encounter any of these people today (some of them are dead anyway), but if I did, and they apologized for what they did, I'd forgive them, and we could be friends from that point.

[Oigit]

No and mostly once the bullying started we would quickly stop being friends. In general I spent a lot of time through out my school years in in school or out of school suspension. Because I was and still am quick to start a fight with someone bullying myself or someone else. The only reason I never got kicked out of a school for fighting was because the fights where always justifiable. So the school would have took some major hits to its reputation if they did kick me out.

[xBec14x]

I was bullied all the time from k through 12. I don't want ANYTHING to do with those people. The only people I will still talk to from back then are people that were nice to me even if we didn't talk much. There were a few that still tried to make fun of me in college... which is absolutely ridiculous.

[Bananaman177]

No, but I would expect a woman to do so.

Women always want to be friends with their worst enemies. They can't help it, it's in their nature.

[Anonymous]

More than likely no because they had the chance in the first place to treat me with respect and be kind to me but they chose to torment and be little me and make me feel awful about myself. It would take A LOT of effort and respect as well as maturity if i ever would consider one or more of these people who put me down as a "friend."

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

Sure, one of those same people ended up being a professional bodybuilder and the dude has massive respect for me now because I was a powerlifter years ago and I'm still pretty massive from it.
I'm not sure bullying is usually a bad thing, more a means to force adherence to a community; in reality it's mostly a good thing contrary to popular belief.

[Espresso-Grande]

No. Because bullies are weak people. They lack compassion. They don't develop compassion with time. I couldn't be friends with someone who was weak and lacked compassion. Bullies don't change. Just their tactics do

[Itsok2behapp-e]

"Reconciliation came from my enemy-friendWho said family don't bendWe stay silent till the endNow who would think that your best friendWould be your worst enemy and your enemy your best friend"#07 'Family Business' on 'The Score' by Fugees

[TruthBringer]

Nope, those are toxic individuals who aren't satisfied with their own lives. I simply cut off all contact and let karma do the work. And karma has done amazing work I can tell you lol

[Pistolpete90]

Fuck no. They can burn in hell.
My aunt got in a relationship with a guy who bullied her in school, he beats, stalks her and has been arrested multiple times for breaching restraining order.

[PaganWarrior]

Vile piece of shit. I hope your aunt is doing better now.

[Petra150]

Yes I could stay friends as I in a way like to get even again and wouldn't let them feel I were chicken out. But if they bullied my dear ones I'd get the fucked out of my life

[Hazelstar99]

Well yeah if they grew out of it. When I was in high school I was bullied by my roommates. We are not in contact anymore but they grew out of it. I have grown as well. People do change. I have forgiven them.

[Nephilim000]

No. I would not want to expose myself to the potential for abuse. Perhaps you are in a situation where you cannot avoid them. Then be civil and don't give them any ammo and extricate yourself as soon as possible.

[BlackTealLazer]

No. And usually, the people who bullied me were never even close to being my friend, even if I did hang out with them. "Friend" is a word I use sparingly for that exact reason.

[SoWhAt249]

I wouldn't even want to become friends, let alone stay friends. I don't mind them appearing regularly in my daily life, but I could never be friends with them.

[tipsylooo]

I would never consider them friends, to begin with, if they bullied me...
However, I would consider starting a friendship if they apologized and it felt sincere. It would also depend on how bad the bullying was. Sometimes it's okay to not accept an apology. Cut out toxic people and move on!

[Jaximus-Lion]

It's up to them after i shred them to pieces with my bullying and sarcasm techniques. Many did surrender after they got an upgraded version of their own medicine, it works.

[Anonymous]

Considering this person has the power to bully others, their friendship would be beneficial to me and it would be a waste to throw them away.

I'd get the social points for accepting my bully as a friend, big heart, and I'd have a powerful bully with a specific set of skills by my side.

[talulahbee]

Helll no. I was bullied bad when I had trouble with an eating disorder and again with my first relationship and I'm never letting those people into my life again. Already to much time wasted with them!!!

[MysteriousDarkness]

1. If they were friends then bullied me it would depends on how they were after I questioned them bullying me.
2. If they were not my friends to begin with then I would not stsrt being their friend.

[Anonymous]

No. People don’t change sorry. It will always be with them and they have to live with it. First impression matters. If you are going to act like toxic trash. Then you are worthless to me. And if you are worthless to me then you are only trash that is distracting me and holding me back. Maybe I would forgive you but I sure as hell wouldn’t keep you as a friend.

[Pasiton5]

I dont know friend in if they strayed away from those silly days and ways if not being older things will be different

[JackSmy]

Why would any SANE person be 'friends' with someone that bullied them? Unless you need the degrading abuse, because you have no self esteem, WHY?

[HOAAH]

Joseph was bullied by his brothers and he learned forgiveness. His brothers learned to respect him too.

[DaisyAimi]

I would forgive them for sure, but i don't think i want to be friends with the people who were first very toxic towards me.

[G3tAClue]

Hell no. I was heavily bullied as a kid and hope none of those people want to be friends with me, ever.

[Simple_Desperate_guy]

If his/her behavior is really changed then yes. Otherwise, f*ck that piece of sh*t that added more misery to this life

[AaronKrieger]

Depends if we have similar interest and sense of humor. Also on how and why the person bullied me. If it was years ago I don't really care about it.

[GR00VY]

Nope. I'm not the type of person who's befriends people who's bullies or any type of situation where we once hate each other.

[jennifer_bloom]

I don’t have an issue with bullies but I do dislike those who slander me

[jcnum10]

Hard to stay friends with someone I was never friends with.
How can you be friends with your bully?

[TacosRAwesome]

Depends on when it happened. If it happened when we both were young I can put it to them being young and stupid, if it happened when older than they're cunts and I don't want them in my life.

[mattclark242]

well If they are not bullied you know and you feel ok with them now then yes but if think of the past or them hurt you then no.

[Nagendra419]

Why not, we may bullied by someone in the past due to lack of understanding. Definetly people will change which makes them to be friends.

[BlueScorpio]

How did you become friends with the bully.. better yet.. why?

[Arjunaguy]

Nope they don't deserve it, but if they changed and really want to be my friend I might change my mind.

[IlluminatiExposed]

No I would cut them off completely and if I accidentally met them I wouldn't be polite to them. The only exception would be if they agreed to crawl over broken glass to beg my forgiveness.

[theycallmedirt]

Once I kicked the shit out of them. Id give them a great big hug and ask we cool?

[JosyJosy]

I would never BE friends with them, STAYING wasn't even an option.

[emmily2396]

Nope and fuck them! There is no excuse for that behaviour.

[Leona567]

I am afraid of meeting the classmates of mine who nearly bullied my bro into committing suicide. I wonder if I should smile and pretend that they didn’t hurt me they would for sure deny that they made him want to die.

[Jamie05rhs]

It depends on the situation. After many years go by, many things can be forgiven and forgotten if they weren't that serious.

[Jltakk]

If they bullied me ages ago, and they changed, who cares? I have close friends who realized they were being dicks when were kids, apologized and grew from it.

[PaganWarrior]

Nope. Friends don't do that to friends.

[SHREYASH007]

nope never even you should stay away from such people.

[CaptainSmartass]

Hell no! You screw me over, I'll screw you over.

Simples...

[nawtee_me]

Chances are that if someone bullied me then we weren't friends to begin with. Friends don't do that...

[Mehzmeh]

Most of my bullies got taught a lesson. And no one the balls to bullie me now. Lol.

[AlwaysBelieving]

No. I wouldn't want to be friends with them in the first place.

[YourSong]

Why would I be friends with people that bully me? Let alone stay friends with them

[SerahRainbow]

Yes when I'm full recovered of what they bullied me for I will like to prove them wrong