Would you befriend an ex bully?

Question

If you was bullied by someone physically or/and mentally for a period of your childhood, and then a couple of years later they apologise and the initial meeting they apologised at went well and you spoke and thought they were actually decent after that conversation would you be able to forgive and befriend them?

fashionguy17 · Accepted Answer

No. Hell no. That's funny that you bring this up. I am going back to my hometown next summer, and a LOT of the people that bullied me still live there. It's a small town, so I am sure I will run into some of them.

I was thinking about this heavily yesterday, and I can't forgive them. Funny thing is, I am much taller and stronger and more successful than them now. So, if they even attempt to talk to me, I am going to snap of them.

You may think that sounds petty, but it's not. Here's why:

I had the same bully from 5 grade to 12th grade in high school. He always tried to hurt me physically and mentally and always tried to make me feel worthless. AND he would get upset when the people we were hanging around would say I'm better at him in sports and video games. I would love to see him again. I see him on Facebook sometimes and he ain't shit. He's a wannabe rapper, much shorter than me and gained a lot of weight. He's in no position to be starting anything with me anymore.

All my other bullies stemmed from high school, and there were a lot of them. They made the entire school hate me, because they would spread nasty rumors about me... so every time I tried to make friends in school people would tell me, "I heard from so and so that you do this, this, this and this" and nobody ever go to know the real me and I was hated in high school for literally no reason except for the rumors that my enemies started about me and they would always try to fight me and take my stuff. No matter how hard I fought back, they would stop. Years later, they are unhappy with their lives and aren't doing much.

I took the time to take boxing classes, I went to college, I worked on my body, I got taller, I make good money, I have a career and I also started 3 businesses on the side. That may not mean much, but it means everything to me, because I made something out of myself. So, you best believe when I go back to my hometown this summer to visit my sister, I am going to flaunt my success and if I see any of my bullies from the past and they even try to talk to me, we are gonna have a problem.

CaptainOverthink · Accepted Answer

Yes. I've made mistakes in my life and I understand enough to know, especially when you are younger, that you dont really see things clearly or understand how it affect others at those times. At least not for everybody.
If I decide to hold a grudge then I am allowing it continue to bother me. But if I accept it for how the world is and how each person is both different and has their own perspective, which isn't perfect. Then I am free to move along with an open mind. Affectionately.

ciitruskiwi · Accepted Answer

Yes. Recently some girl from highschool that bullied me pretty bad messaged me on Facebook and apologized saying she was trying to make amends for the wrongs in her life. I messaged her back telling her that I forgive her. We aren't friends, haven't talked since that message but I never thought she would ever message me or even thought or remembered what she did to me but the fact she did remember and she took the time to search me up and message me made it seem like a genuine apology so I forgave her.

Alice2398 · Accepted Answer

NO! I was bullied for years at school and not one of them ever felt the slightest bit of empathy for me even when they'd make me cry they'd just laugh. I was painfully shy and struggled with my dyslexia at school so they saw me as a easy target. They'd constantly pull my hair, throw things at me, call me cruel names, get me in trouble and embarrass me. I can even to this day fine it in my heart to forgive them because I know they still haven't changed one bit.

liniana265 · Answer

I was bullied all through middle school and I've made peace with her after graduating college. We all go though hard times when we're going through puberty. Some more than others. Her way of relieving stress was through me and I'm not defending her or saying that what she did to me was acceptable. I've been hurt very badly by her both mentally and physically but... at the end of the day, all you can do is learn from what you went through take the best out of it and take it as a lesson. Holding a grudge or not being able to forgive someone is very unhealthy in my opinion. The best way for me was to learn and forgive. Someone out there is going through a tough time like you went through. You know or some what know what they're going through... It's your chance or turn to help them. That's how I see it.

Anonymous · Answer

I befriended someone who set me up before, got me in trouble at my job because I pointed out a mistake she made and she did not like that. After she got over her grudges, we became friends, and after a while, she had a surgery. I visited her twice at her house, each time bring something nutritious and tasty to help her recover.

However, I was bullied by a girl since grade 1 to grade 7. If she was to apologize, which would never happen, even if scientists found ice in the Sun, she would never apologize. If so, it would be up to no good or she would betray me afterwards.

So no, for long-term bullies they do not get any slight chance from me. For someone who set me up short-term, I could forgive. I'm a person with a big heart, but I have my limits.

CubsterShura · Answer

Actually, once you really begin to understand each other you quickly become close friends! I'm saying this from my personal experience. Because often bullies go through bad stuff themselves or sometimes they just become more mature and understand what they made you go through. It's beautiful. ❤️

Anonymous · Answer

Dammmnnn that's happening to me rn😫. There was a guy who was bullying me psychologically. He also go others to bully me and that fucked me up really bad. A few days ago he texted me and started flirting with me. I don't even know where he got my number from.

Lish89 · Answer

Yep. I don't have to sink to their level. Someone who was incredibly cruel to me, I befriended her and was the only person there in her time if need. They aren't bad people, they just make mistakes and do bad things. Everyone needs compassion and usually bullies act out for a reason.

tony_baloney · Answer

Totally! Everybody goes through growth and change. I'm not the same person today that I was in high school. Why should I not hold someone else to the same standard? Plus, I was friends with a lot of bullies to begin with. Most of them came from a really fucked up home and just had no outlet for their frustration/no real role models of what a normal human adult should be. It's funny what you find when you don't take things personally and just ask questions

Cammy137 · Answer

A couple of year later? No, probably not. It also depends to what extent they bullied me. There are people from my high school who treated me like shit who I can be perfectly friendly with now but I wouldn't go as far as saying I've befriended them, but that's more to do with who they are now than who they were (i. e. we just aren't hugely compatible as far as potential friendships go)

Vesuvius87 · Answer

If that would have been the case and depending on their ages the last time they did the bullying then yes.

The only apology I ever got in 7th grade was a fake one when both the girl I (for fighting back) were going to be suspended. The girl had crocodile tears.

rjroy3 · Answer

Maybe? No one that ever treated me like that ever apologized and most ended up getting beat up by me later on so I'm sure they have some hurt emotions of their own around me. Like how much do you really want to apologize to someone you did wrong, when they kicked your ass in front of other people?

MimiHashima · Answer

I’d forgive either way, i mean depending on how they are now is what I’ll likely be wary of but I don’t see a friendship as impossible cause a couple of my bullies had became friends with me. 😐 sometimes you wonder what made em act the way they did before.

happyhippo · Answer

Children are sometimes evil without realising how much they hurt others. That's why I wouldn't judge too much anyone to what they did in their childhood and once I saw the person had changed (which is very likely taken they don't have the same thinking anymore), I would befriend them if given the opportunity

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Tried it once. But she found new ways to be a total cunt, so I had to finally cut her off for good.

And the others? Their mugshots are all the proof I need to know to not even bother. I was right about them the first time.

Anonymous · Answer

I didn't need an apology. I already long forgave her after beating the shit out her in my freshman year. Not bullying me ever again... that to me was enough of an apology.
Next thing is we had a deal. It was a rather ''you be cool with me and I'm cool with you. I would help her with school and math and in return, she would invite me to her parties, where I befriended all her friends.

Years later we're still friends but none of us ever brought up the topic about that fight.

ForteExe · Answer

Everyone has bullied someone at some point. There's really no getting around it, so to say "you were a bully so I want nothing to do with you" would mean that you don't want anything to do with anyone. It's not a sustainable position to take. I wouldn't be thrilled to be around someone who is still a bully, but someone who used to be and is no longer a bully is fine as far as I'm concerned.

KezHarris · Answer

I have befriended an ex bully,
And its all fine now.
she's matured up a lot & she admitted that she was jealous of me, thats why she bullied me. she's changed so much as a person and we get along really well now.

BellumEtPacem · Answer

Hypothetically it's possible. I remember someone in middle school who would always pick on me because I wore glasses. He would eventually apologize later that same year. I accepted it as I didn't want to hold a grudge. I met him again in a high school P. E class after that. We became acquaintances. This was when I started getting out of my shell and began to talk to people.

Deannybeams · Answer

Honestly, no. And not because I hold onto past resentments. I don't. But , I see it this way: you didn't like me then, so why the hell would you want to be friends, now. If you couldn't see what you think you see in me now, llogically it makes no sense for you to want to find out.

If you're going through some personal matters work it out with your circle of people, or a doctor. Don't come to me. Leave me be.

That's how I feel and I think that's perfectly resonable.

MemeSupreme · Answer

Uhh I've done it before but that's because I could they were genuine about what they'd done and they just seemed different but yeah it depends on when it was and what they did and stuff.

Secret6620 · Answer

I kicked my ex bully's ass and now I'm like her queen. So sure let's be friends 😂🤣

Anonymous · Answer

I’d act friendly and make them think that we’re friends but I would find a way to hurt them to the same extent that they hurt me in the past. They would think that I’ve forgiven and forgot, but spoiler alert! I haven’t :)

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