How do I ask her out without ruining our friendship?

[dixon7249]

I've known this girl for almost a year now and I really like her. It took me awhile to start to like her, but I don't know if she likes me back... she tells me I'm the sweetest guy she knows and I don't know if she just wants to stay friends or maybe have something in the future... she's my best friend and I don't want to lose her..

[fastboxster]

My opinion is that at a young age, very little differentiates a friendship from a dating relationship. You can have fondness and admiration for any of your friends. I think you should continue to nurture your friendship until you're confident there is mutuality. Although if you feel compelled to test the waters now, there are two tests to see how she feels about you.

One: Test her intimate response; Buy her a "meaningful" gift - something only you know she would appreciate and see how emotionally she responds (she might kiss you right there, or you might just get a hug. If she refuses the gift or simply gives a "Thank-you", then you might want to rethink about how you invest your time).

Two: Test her exclusivity response; Be "friends" with some other girls. Ask her if she thinks it's okay for you to continue your "friendship" with those girls. Her response might be "coded", but you should get the vibe that she's a bit jealous if she likes you. If you respond that her friendship is more important, that should improve her bond with you if she really does think of you as boyfriend material (or it might get her started thinking that).

The MOST IMPORTANT piece of advice though is to not push for something now just because you're ready. Remember that it took you a while to think of her as girlfriend material, so give her time to make that same jump. I'd say just relax. Enjoy her company. Pay attention if she's giving you cues to advance that you wouldn't want to miss, but don't force it. Girls live for romance, so coming straight out, or even being too obvious might spoil the opportunity to sweep her off her feet.

Another thing to note: Girls have a tendency to rationalize their basic needs, so they will more inclined to think they might love you if they feel a little turned-on around you. You can be a little opportunistic if you'd like to increase your odds. Chick flicks (romantic movies) can make them yearn for a boyfriend. Scary movies might make them thank of you as their protector. Gifts will also give them that warm-and-fuzzy. If she's a friend, there's no reason not to leverage these "devices" to your advantage.

To use a poker analogy, don't go all-in until you've played the game long enough to read the other players. If you go all-in too early, there is a good chance you're game will be over. For now, play the ante and just enjoy the game. When you get a great hand (signal/opportunity), don't be afraid to play more aggressively.

[sexwiseman]

The sweetest guy...man, doesn't that line suck? At least you're lucky she doesn't say 'you're the sweetest guy I've met! One day you'll find yourself a great girlfriend!!!" Anyway, this scenario happens a lot, and most of the times the girls are 'weirded' out when a best friend confesses. So what about the next time she says you're the sweetest guy---what if you come back with a line saying...'oh yea? so am I boyfriend material for you?' And then you can get an idea if she likes you.

Most girls if they are not interested will immediately say, 'but we are just best friends...'and that should be your clue that she hasn't thought about you in a boyfriend/girlfriend type of way. If she reacts differently, maybe blushes or smiles, or gives another response, maybe you're in luck. Is hard to tell though cause a lot has to do with the girl's personality also...

However, one thing is for sure, if you jokingly ask about it, you can then dismiss it by saying you were joking. But you need to be ready in keeping the conversation light....and by that I mean you need to have some wise cracks ready...if you'd like to know, message me and I'll give you a sample...good luck.

[A-R-Norman]

At least she didn't say--"I wouldn't date a loser like you, " Like a more b*tchy female would. Sheesh--women can't win in a scenario like this...there is no nice way to say " I am not interested like that.."

[A-R-Norman]

Ask in a way that doesn't make it appear as if you think she is the most evil thing in the world if she says no. Most men become combative or start acting like you are the "b word" if you are not interested, no matter how nicely a woman tries to say she isn't into you that way. Funny since they themselves don't want to date someone THEY wouldn't be attracted to. SO if interested, don't play games, let her know you think she's kewl and want to see if she'd like to go on an actual date. If she says no, accept it, if you can be friends at this point. The reason why most women do get freaked out if guys want to get serious is that a man tend to harbor resentment at not "getting their way", and take far too personally a rejection. When I was out on the dating field I realized that every guys I approached wasn't going to say yes, and to accept it, and not harbor ill will. I still hough the guy was kewl and still hung out. If you can do that, approach. If you think that a no from her will cause anger on your part--don't risk it.

[deanat78]

What sexwiseman suggested is probably the best way to find out, I would say that "jokingly" (but actually seriously) asking her is the safest and surest way, but you will need to be able to get back to conversation right after she answers.

Anyway, here's another method you can use, based on experience. So this girl that's a good friend of mine ever since day 1 in university, we kind of hang out a lot and we joined a dance club together, and she acted like she really likes me (she kept coming to my dorm all the time and running into me), but I didn't like her like that. So one day when we were walking home, she asked me "OK, I don't know how to ask this, so I'll just put it out in the blue: do you like me?" and I was kinda shocked so my instinct was "no! uhh, you know what I mean, obviously I do, but not like that." and then she responded with "oh, good,because I was getting the feeling that you do, and I didn't want to falsely make you believe that I'm leading you on.." and some stuff like that. A few months later, she confessed to me that she was actually asking that because she was hoping I'd say 'yes'.

So, you can pull that one off too! ask her if she likes you, but make it seem like YOU think that SHE likes you, and then if she doesn't respond the way you want her too, then you can always just say "oh good i'm relieved, because I do want to just stay good friends with you" and such.

[Masman99]

Ik this is late but im in the same boat right now. I've already asked her to a movie amd she said yes. Later she said she wanted to go as friends. Now we haven't seen the movie but she might like me again. Should I try this?