Why do people keep ghosting or leaving? I'm a refugee, so I've moved around a lot and I've always lost a lot of friends because I've had to move many times in my life. But what is way more frustrating is the very few and very close people in my life leaving me behind or ghosting me for seemingly no reason. In the past 6-12 months I've lost my two best friends, soon after I broke up with my ex. Which was devastating because they were the 3 closest people in my life. After a difficult and lonely couple of months, I made a friend that I connected with and became very close with very quickly, and this gave me the hope and motivation I needed to live a happier life as well as give me motivation for a lot of other things that I needed support with (I suffer from depression and anxiety). My now one close friend, has very recently said goodbye to me. She knew about my recent past with my other close friends, and so she didn't ghost me and let me ask for an explanation, which she delivered on. We talked and she decided she needs time and space and no contact for a while, because of something that happened to her which was indirectly related to me (There was no way I could have known or helped this). Although she may in the future message me and reconnect, for now our friendship is basically over. My hope and confidence is once again ruined and I have no motivation to meet anyone new in my life because I feel that they will soon leave me anyways. And I will again, be heart broken and lonely anyways. I've been having suicidal thoughts and I've been really depressed again. Getting back in the same slump as the one this close friend helped me to start to come out of. Having so many people leave me in the past my anxiety tells me I must be doing something wrong or be a terrible person. And I know that I am not an angel, but most people say I'm a very sweet and caring guy and I see that in myself. So why does this happen? Is it just me? What has your experience been like?
Because your dependent on them. Your whole perspective would change if you weren't. Sorry for my bluntness hun because I too felt this way but your dependency on others is very transparent. And other's are going through their own issues and sometimes it's easier to ghost than to feel bad about not being able to be what that person needs. You say you see yourself as a good guy. To me if you truly felt that way then you would feel it was their loss to miss out on someone like yourself. Your depressed because you feel something is wrong with you which in actuality contradicts yourself when you say your a good person. The truth is, you're not happy with yourself. Instead of focusing on why people do what they do to you, focus on why you react to what they do. Please do not feel as if I am attacking you as a person hun. I really relate to you. I was you. It took some heavy self reflection, and willingness to do that, to even see this perspective. But you're on the right path and I believe you're lost and looking for answers and I honestly only want to help steer you towards a different perspective.
I realise my dependency on others, and it's something I've been trying to work on. I've become a lot more independent in the past 2 or so years but I still have a long way to go. I do truly feel like I am a good friend, and have food morals. But having anxiety, if gets to you when it keeps happening. And you start to doubt, it has nothing to do with what you believe is logically or factually true. It's just your mind playing tricks on you and there is nothing you can do about it. I try my best to be supportive of my friends and their issued and needs etc, I give them time when they need it, and I'm always the first person to be there for them when they need it. What do you mean by focusing on why interact to what they do? I appreciate all of your advice and honesty. I want to know if it's me doing something wrong, not necessarily because I'm a bad person but for example I could be too "available" and "easy to get" even though I'm very busy, because I am a caring person and want to be there for the people I care about whenever they need it. I know I have a lot of room to improve but that is exactly why I am here. I'm not looking for attention or pitty, or for others to tell me the people leaving are just X or Y. I want to improve myself so I can have better relationships with others that last longer for whatever reason that mine haven't been.
Kudos on what your realizing yourself. Seriously. It's the first step needed in what you're looking to achieve. What I mean by focusing on how you react.. well when someone ghosts you, your reaction is to automatically assume it's you and you react by going into a depressed state. You need to dig deep to find out why you do this. Because you can't control what others do, no matter how good you are to them. I'm going to say something that took me a very very long time to connect.. yes you care about others but because you don't have the same care about yourself, you put their needs first. Which puts your needs on the back burner. And when your always doing this for others, they will always expect it from you and in their minds if your willing to put your own needs on the back burner then they must not be as important as their needs so they won't in turn help you with your needs. Pretty much your showing others that your needs aren't actually important. Does that make sense? We could go through every scenario and every good aspect of you as a person but none of it matters when you don't value or respect yourself. You have to start being selfish, I know that is hard and will make you uncomfortable. But it's the only way to start building up yourself. Put yourself first until you're completely happy with how your life is going and then you can start balancing your needs and others needs.
But isn't being selfish the thing that these people are doing that's causing the issue in the first place? I understand showing others they should value your needs is important but if the problem is others being selfish I don't see how I'm helping society as a whole by being selfish. I don't expect everyone to be selfless, because we will never have a perfect world where everyone is selfless. But isn't the right thing, finding the minority who are selfless instead of becoming selfish like the majority? I get your point but being selfish just doesn't go with me. I have motherly instincts, I give as much as I can without expecting much in return, and I see how that can be taken advantage of and become something to exploit or change others' opinion of the importance of my needs, but I don't know how to be decent and selfless yet not cause this issue. And yes what you said made sense
Selfish until you rebuild yourself first hun. You have deeper issues of your own to worry about first. And no it's not the problem.. the problem is yourself because you wouldn't react the way you do. You're selfless because you need people to like you because you don't like yourself. Honestly you won't really understand until you realize certain things yourself. But you feel jilted and upset when people ghost you even after you give and give... but what your not seeing is that your reaction to when they ghost is because you actually DO expect something in return from them, you expect them to stick around and give you the same courtesy. It's not bad hun. It's natural. Im just saying to take a time out and be a little selfish with yourself until you can balance it better. Like seriously I can relate to you 100% and it wasn't fun coming to realize all this. It was one of the hardest things I had to do.
I have a few suggestions that have worked for me: 1. Plug into a religious community, if not one than two or three - this will give you replacement friends if one drops out of line. 2. If you are lonely, try being a helper or prayer supporter for somebody else who is lonely such as a widow you see loitering around the neighbourhood or a needy person you view as having few friends or somebody in a wheel chair. 3. Pray for other people who are lonely and God will help you overcome your loneliness 4. Listen to songs about God’s love for you 5. Pour your sadness to God 6. Look for ways to serve the community, even if all you are doing is mopping sinks, productivity can kill loneliness 7. Try to uncover and heal unconscious fears which could be causing your loneliness 8. Focus on the idea of love and not on the person or object of love 9. Collect cute pictures and videos of pets and stories about people doing good deeds and post it around your room 10. Keep a gratitude journal each day where you write what God is teaching you and what God has done for you and what you want to do for God and what you want God to do for you in the future.
Dont sad bro. Allah is truth friend for peoples. You too want help from Allah. Sure you will find New friends in your life. I have wonder where are you from
You should be asking yourself that questions because obviously your so called friends ghosted your ugly ass to the point you on Gag whining about "đŸ˜¢Why they ghost me"?
