My boyfriend blew a gasket when I pranked him?

Question

I came from a group of family and friends where we all pranked each other. It was our thing! Well, my boyfriend is NOT into that at all. I’m just now realizing. A couple weeks ago, my friend and I post-it noted his car and he told me that it was “public humiliation”...(he told me that weeks later which was last night). I’m planning on going down to meet some of his family members out of state this weekend. I wanted to get him so bad for April Fool’s Day, so I texted him saying that my co-worker got covid and I had to quarantine. We ended up calling twenty minutes later and I admitted to him that I got him!🤗 I thought it was funny and so did my friend. He went OFF on me. It hurt my feelings. He said he had to change his “life plans around” because of my prank. He was belittling and raising his voice at me. I see his frustration and I regret doing it, but I’ve also apologized several times. Now, I don’t even want to go this weekend. And honestly, I want to break up with him, but I feel trapped because this whole trip is planned. I’m going to go on this trip anyway since it’s so last minute, but he was extremely mean. Ok, I get he’s not a prankster, but was this horrible of me to do? I wouldn’t have done if I knew. He went absolutely crazy. I was trying to get him on April Fool’s Day. Am I a horrible person for doing this?

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

While you are not a horrible person, don't ever do that again.
You are your boyfriend are like me and my wife.
He reacted probably not unlike I might have to...

Shortly after we were married, my wife pulled a prank on me...
Her coworkers bought us a weekend gift certificate for a bed and breakfast in Saratoga.
So, 3 months after we were married, we used it. It was our de facto honeymoon.
Anyway, the B&B gift included a day at a spa. Part of that was my getting a massage. I did and it was from a male masseuse.
Well, one of her coworkers was married to a guy, Mike, who was the sidekick on one of those "morning zoo" radio shows. So, at my wife's work, my wife, her coworker, and her husband decided to pull a prank on me. He called me under the guise of being a pollster interviewing me about my experiences at the spa. At first, it seemed plausible, but it quickly became uncomfortable and I suspected Mike might have been doing it. I ended the call quickly after that. When my wife and I got home, I looked at her with a very deadly face and said to her "Don't ever do that to me again or I will leave you permanently with no possibility of reconciliation. Understand?" She had said that she and her previous husband and kids pulled pranks. I said "I am not them and I do not give a shit about your past. I married you which means I need to trust you 100%, If I cannot trust you, you are worthless to me."

... And that's the real bottom line that you need to understand: More than sex or anything else, a man needs loyalty from and trust in his woman. That is the most important thing there is to us. If you don't understand that, then you are in for a rough time with men.

So, if you want to break up with your boyfriend, then go ahead, but realize that your boyfriend is not alone in not enjoying pranks. Most of us who are actual adults do not.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry your boyfriend got so mean about your little prank, which sounds like it lasted all of 20 minutes. Not exactly enough time to turn all your life plans around, but him overreacting seems like the point here.

It strikes me that you say you want to break up with him. Based solely on this incident, or is/was there something else going on? Not that there are many things that could be so good about a relationship to tolerate abusive language (if that's what it was?)

If you are serious and it's not just a momentary thing, then I see absolutely no reason to go meet and hang out with family members of a guy you are wanting to distance yourself from. That just sounds like a terrible idea. But I don't know your motivations. Why would you want to go on a trip with him still? "because it's last minute" just doesn't seem like a reason to me.

To put it another way, if I had a friend or lover who did something bad to me that I decided I wasn't going to be close or as close to them anymore, the first thing I would do is stop hanging out with them. Not go on a trip. If we had $200 tickets to Disneyland together, I would still either not go, go alone, or invite someone else. So what you're saying doesn't make sense to me but it sounds like the beginnings of letting someone else treat you badly and putting up with it. Which just invites them to act the same way or worse and find out where you limits are, or if you even have any and maybe they can just push you around all the time.

Elliegirl · Accepted Answer

Maybe it wasn’t the best prank, but I don’t think it’s horrible. He has no right to yell at you, belittle you, or hurt your feeling for a silly prank on that he didn’t like. If he has to change his “life plans around” because of this, he’s way too high strung. Go on the weekend trip or don’t, but take the weekend to think if you really want to break up with him. If it’s the same guy who cheated on you by kissing some other girl and seems so controlling, after this I’d tell him to f himself and lose my number.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

putting post it notes all over HIS car IN PUBLIC would be VERY humiliating and it is very childish of you in my opinion. I am the type that hates any pranks as well, and working with covid patients, and knowing how bad covid can be, it is NOT funny joking saying somebody has covid, it could back fire or even if it don't you or someone you know can get it. And then the person won't believe.

TonyV · Answer

He over reacted about the sticky notes, that is a good clean prank. Unless you spelled fulger words out I dont see how that was "public humiliation", hell I did that as a teenager.

But your covid "prank" wasn't a good prank at all, he sounded upset cause he was, you almost messed up a big trip that's a big deal to him that he had been planning for a while now. Also do you know for sure he isn't someone who is worried about covid?

So this time you went to far and you really need to admit that andake sure you do a good apology, with no excuses, no saying "my friend thought it was funny" or "I come from a family of pranksters", nope all that matters now is that you didn't know him as well as you thought you did and cause of that you went too far.
Maybe in the future you can talk to him about loosening up a bit cause he dose take some stuff to serious bi this isn't one of those times so dont bring it up now. And you are going to work on telling the deference between a prank and just inconveniencing someone, cause the covid thing was just not funny.

Are you really going to break up with him cause he's setting 1 boundaries? He dosent like dumb jokes, that shouldn't be a deal breaker, dont joke about things that are a big deal to him.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Tbh when you asked about the breakup prank on April Fools I kinda thought "yeah that can't end well", but I thought "well maybe he's a prankster too and they just have that dynamic". You know now at least that he's not into that dynamic. So occam's razor says "just don't prank him in future then". Problem solved. I probably wouldn't like it either. I can understand why he was pissed off, since he actually had to change his plans based on information that he took at face value. Pranks can backfire, that should be obvious, and in this instance it backfired. In this instance I'd say just take the L and move on. But if he's continuing to "punish" you with shouting or aggressive behavior, then that's almost a separate issue. Because he's totally entitled to be pissed off over a prank gone wrong, but he shouldn't hold onto it and get all resentful and shit. If you've already apologised and explained that you meant no harm or offense, then as your boyfriend he should probably take the apology at face value and not go reading into it. It's interesting he used "humiliation" to describe your earlier prank, that tells me he equates "being the butt of a prank" as "being humiliated". So his anger probably stems from that insecurity. Men can lash out when we feel marginalised or dishonoured in some way by our significant other, and clearly he associates being pranked with those feelings of marginalisation. Maybe I've not used the right words to express what's in my head, but point being, you gotta know that he's just not wired to see getting pranked by his girlfriend as some hilarious joke, he takes it as a disruption and a subtle form of humiliation.

ohshee · Answer

Hey you did nothing wrong stop apologizing go to the automotive store and buy him some gasket stop look at this thing a little bit deeper he just kind of showed you his true self when he gets upset and how far he'll carry it over something so petty that's what I would be looking at he's telling you something without telling you and I would look at that instead of apologizing it's not that big of a deal he's wanting to make you feel as if it's that big of a deal I would say just look at the whole situation deeper his personality

God_of_Thunder · Answer

Personally, I hate pranks, as well, and would have been pretty pissed, myself.

Yours was in very poor taste, and it probably would have been a good idea not to prank someone, when you don't know how they'll react, especially when it impacts something important like that.

That being said, it does sound like he overreacted; he can be upset without yelling at you like that. You also apologized, so that should have been the end of it. Most people would realize you didn't do it maliciously; you just didn't think it through. It was a mistake, so he should cool himself off, accept your apology, and move on.

bowenw · Answer

In hindsight letting him panic for 20 minutes was perhaps too long. You are not a horrible person. I find you prank someone because you like them. Even if a prank went a little overboard, a decent person should accept an apology. In a relationship all kinds of things will happen over the years that will upset a partner for one reason or another. People in a loving relationship don't intentionally do things to hurt the other. Apologies are made and accepted and the relationship carries on without a lot of drama.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

You aren't a bad person, you just did a prank in poor taste on someone who clearly doesn't have the personality to handle that kind of thing very well. COVID is just not joke material yet. A lot of people are scared of it, it's destroyed a lot of people's lives and livelihoods. Tensions are high, wits are frayed. Now we hear horrifying reports that the vaccine is messing people up pretty bad too (550% increase in miscarriages in pregnant women who get vaccinated). People don't want to think about COVID, and then your idea of prank used his fear and dampened his enthusiasm for a gathering that he's been looking forward to.

Myk13 · Answer

You never know how people when react when you have only known them for a short amount of time. Now you know. He didn’t have to raise his voice and belittle you to the point that it hurt your feelings. I completely understand how you feel about the trip as well as the relationship. Personally, I would only tell him that I am going to meet his family. Though at the very last second I would tell him how he made you feel when he blew a gasket. Then back out of the trip and end the relationship. Just to watch him blow another gasket and walk away. 😂 But that’s just me.

hello_kitty_man · Answer

Well you asked yesterday that you were going to April Fool's prank him about breaking up and then you decided to use the Covid-19 as a prank and that is really just as bad of a prank in these times. So needless to say that now that he didn't take it that well and you now want to break up with him over something mean that you did to him.

His feelings being hurt and him having to change his plans is quite selfish on your part. Needless to say that the age old saying that " you reap what you sow " plays well in this situation.

You maybe should have thought about this beforehand, not as an afterthought.

na2398 · Answer

Han, you know how wonderful a human being you are. You did nothing wrong there. He's being too corny. A sane person would react to your Covid prank in this way- "Well, you know what? Imma quarantine too coz my neighbour visited us and I caught it." He should've applied brains and asked you for a report instead of yelling. Relationships get tougher with added responsibilities. How long would you put up with his arrogance? You deserve so much better! I'm sure you could find someone better there. Such pranks are not bad at all. Why do you wanna visit his fam even after this humiliation? He'd take you for granted and try to drain you physically and mentally even more. Don't fall for this bait.

Leavesbound · Answer

You call it a prank. I call it bullying. I don't know what is wrong with you but nice people don't do those kinds of things. They are childish and not funny. If you actually think those two "pranks"' are funny and OK to do then you are a sociopath who needs to seek help. If you had done those things to me I'd assume you were sending me a message and I would already have broken up with you. You hurt him deeply by your actions and if you really want to salvage your relationship with him I suggest a sincere apology from you and a vow to never "prank" him again and then follow through and don't ever "prank" him again.

0112358 · Answer

You're boyfriend has some issues around control. That said in circles where people don't prank to an extreme event yeah what you did would be really looked badly on. When you pull these pranks on him are you imagining he is going to find it funny and surprised when he isn't or... what?

you two seem like a risky match tbh. I think you find some of his negative traits attractive but they won't actually make you compatible.

ChocoBrowny · Answer

Huh? Im confused, are you only with one guy or do you date a few guys and talk about them in questions?
This one your talking about is an absolute moron, if anyone reacted like that to me i wouldn't trust them or feel safe around them again.

Wiredone · Answer

Hannah you are not a bad person. Obviously he doesn't have a sense of humor at all. I guess you didn't like any of the suggestions that I gave you. I think he over reacted to your prank. There is no reason for him to belittle you. That's just downright wrong and uncalled for. It sounds like he has a bad temper.

worldscolide · Answer

You want to break up because he reacted badly to a prank that involved a super deadly disease... Really you need to step back and reevaluate your own actions. If you break up with him over it know its your fault not his. I would have reacted the same way.. As would any rational thinking person.

WhiteWolf69 · Answer

You're boyfriend sounds like he has some issues including anger and being in control. I dont think his reaction to the pranks was right. Pranks are pranks and they are meant to be fun. I've gotten pranked that made me angry. It ruined some expensive stuff. That's the only time I've really gotten angry about a prank. Run away from this guy as fast as you can. He doesn't seem like he is a healthy choice for a healthy relationship.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I think he was wrong for going off on you, It's sad when people can't take jokes  I don't really tell any April Fools Jokes cause I fear that karma will hit me :(

NathanDavis · Answer

You can be a good person, and still make mistakes, same goes for him. Maybe the two of you will get over this and then you can finally laugh about this prank.

Anonymous · Answer

Domestic Violence and Intimate Partner Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline

Hotline: 1 (800) 799 – 7233
Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week via phone and online chat.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline) is available for anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.

leave him immediately your life could be danger. This is not a game!

Finchie40 · Answer

your boyfriend sounds like he has a stick up his ass , and control issues, Without humor in a relationship that relationship won’t last , good luck with that shit

Horny-ashell · Answer

Well I do believe that this was a much better prank. And it's a shame that he doesn't have a sense of humor. I'd move on if I were in your position sense I do think that a sense of humor is important in a relationship.

My boyfriend blew a gasket when I pranked him?

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