Do you think he was trying to gaslight me?

[Anonymous]

He thinks I’m “unstable “… to be fair he’s not the only person/guy to think that. I do feel like I only start to feel “uneasy “ if they start to make me feel insecure or emotionally unsafe or abandoned.. that does trigger me.. I will admit… I do struggle with anxiety and depression … severe low self esteem

For example: I feel like he wasn’t really trying to answer basic questions about himself during our “talking stage “… part of me felt like he wasn’t honest idk…. But one time I tried to ask him something and he took hours or I just felt like it was off. I was kind of tired of it bc now i feel like you don’t really want to talk

I confront him about it and I call him a liar… he says “I don’t deserve that… I was out all day with friends and I thought I pressed send” … then he says “you should really take some time to yourself before dating “…..

At first I thought he was right but I also don’t appreciate taking hours or days to reply

Updates

25 d

Yes.. by him simply saying “this isn’t going to work “ and NOT ghosting… like he really thought low of me or he really disliked me

[DreamLife7]

You are unstable , insecure and most likely unattractive. He doesn't like u yet u still keep coming around like you're mental

[Asker]

No I stopped coming around. I did ask if he just wasn’t attracted to me… I was willing to get work done

[DreamLife7]

You didn't stop coming around stupid because you just asked him a question. Stop harrassing him he doesn't like you. What part of him not finding you attractive don't u understand?

[Asker]

I did not ask him any questions.. what are you talking about

[DreamLife7]

Are u retarded? U just said moron that u asked if he just wasn't attracted to you. News flash he's not. Stop bugging

[Asker]

Should I get work done? I did ask him if it were my face.

[DreamLife7]

Wow ur worthless. Yesh he will never like u lol. No man will

[Asker]

Lmao you can’t hurt my feelings or tell me something I already know 🤣🤣🤣

[DreamLife7]

Your feelings are already hurt hun that's why u posted ur question 🤣. Keep harrassing the man see how quickly u end up in jail

[Asker]

I haven’t contacted him in 6 months so I don't know what you’re referring to. It still hurts but I know not to reach out

[DreamLife7]

Good and he hasn't contacted u. U know why? Because he doesn't like u. Stop stalking and harrassing him before he files a restraining order. Ur weird , get therapy, a life and some friends.

[Asker]

I never stalked him or reached out

Highly doubt I’ll get a restraining order for someone I just talk a lot about

[DreamLife7]

You're stalking him now lol 😆 leave him alone

[DreamLife7]

If it's truly been 6 months why tf are u bringing this shit up? It's done he doesn't want u

[Asker]

Stop playing with me. No im not tf

[DreamLife7]

Move on, he doesn't like u

[Asker]

He’s gay lol

[DreamLife7]

You're just ugly hun lol.

[Asker]

How do you know?

[DreamLife7]

Men don't reject pretty women.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right, I’ll give that to you.

Especially when he said I was “unstable “ but still wanted to meet up. Then when we meet up everything changes.

[DreamLife7]

He only wanted to meet up because you're unstable, meaning he's afraid of you lol. He has a girl he likes and doesn't want ur mentally unstable unattractive self popping up. So yes you are ugly and you scare the crap out of him 🤣

[Asker]

That doesn’t make sense. If he felt that way he should have never met up with me.

[DreamLife7]

It makes plenty of sense. He doesn't want any drama/psycho path attacks on him from u so he's trying to nicely wean u away. Who wants some ugly chick popping up at their home, their job, their school harrassing them when there is another woman they're trying to pursue? Lol you can argue until your face turns blue he still won't like u, won't see u as beautiful, won't introduce u to family nor friends because he doesn't see u as pretty enough nor smart enough.

[Asker]

Well I don't know much about him anyway

[DreamLife7]

Then why are you obsessing and harrassing him? Lol.. obviously he's found someone he likes so leave him alone

[Asker]

You slow ass bitch. IM NOT HARRASSING HIM! I don’t even remember his number

[DreamLife7]

🤣🤣 see there it is.. you are unstable 🤣🤣🤣 unstable and ugly proved it thank you

[Asker]

At this point because you’re not listening.

[DreamLife7]

Nah ur unstable and proved it

[Asker]

Like the 27 year old with Arianna grande as her profile pic…

[DreamLife7]

Ariana grande is 30 hun 🤣🤣. But yest ur still unstable and ugly

[Asker]

My point is… that’s not you. Why do you have a celebrity? It’s giving 12

[DreamLife7]

You've already proven yourself unstable, undateable, and unattractive. You're not worth conversation lol

[Asker]

And you think you are?

[HollyK21]

Hope you’re doing ok love!💛

[Asker]

No because he had another bitch this whole time. That’s why it was so easy for him to discard me! Really think about it

[Asker]

Don’t gaslight me either

[HollyK21]

Wasn’t gonna gaslight you, I’m not judging.

[Asker]

He legit devalued and discarded

[Asker]

Because I truthfully can’t believe that you don’t see how wrong he is. It’s almost painful

It’s not about telling me what you think I want to hear..

[HollyK21]

It’s completely about telling you what you wanna hear, then if I don’t you’re upset with me. I’m not trying to fight you on these topics just checking in love.

[Asker]

Well still not over it.

Thanks for checking in though.

[HollyK21]

☺️💛

[Asker]

I really don’t think you understand what happened but it’s whatever

I think he had a girlfriend

[HollyK21]

I fully understand what happened you just don’t want to hear it Chels. I don’t think he had a girlfriend, I just think you’re having a hard time accepting the end of this…

[Asker]

That’s cool… again it’s not about the rejection it’s about how he devalued me holly.. he discarded me…

That’s what hurt. He couldn’t just say “hey I don’t think this is going to work?”

[HollyK21]

Was there ever a healthy way for him to walk away? Because I don’t think you would’ve been happy no matter what and seen it as him discarding you. While I agree that him ghosting was wrong, you did have a follow up conversation and he gave you closure. I feel like that is the part that matters most since it’s the most recent aspect of this whole thing.

On top of that, it was two weeks. I don’t think he had any idea that walking away would do this to you after such a short juncture of time. If he had any idea he probably would’ve been more formal about cutting ties, he even said last time you spoke that he didn’t like the idea of having hurt someone or whatever he said.

[Asker]

Yes.. by him simply saying “this isn’t going to work “ and NOT ghosting… like he really thought low of me or he really disliked me

[HollyK21]

But ultimately you did get closure, babe. That’s what I’m saying. Sure we can ruminate on why this man chose to handle the situation how he did, but ultimately it does you no good. I’d rather focus on how thing’s ultimately ended, because we can’t look at what he did wrong without considering what all led up to it and it was just a messy situation on both ends.

[spartan55]

He didn't have a girlfriend... 😂 😂 😂 😂

[Asker]

After multiple attempts right? Okay

[spartan55]

Multiple attempts at what?

[Asker]

Trying to figure out why he ghosted after a date

[spartan55]

So that means he has a girlfriend? You are out of your mind.

[Asker]

Excuse me? You don’t have to insult me just because I’m trying to figure out what happened. I do feel like he had a girlfriend or someone else… bc no guy discards you like that…

[spartan55]

Discards you? He wasn't interested. What is he supposed to do?

[Asker]

Tell me like a real man who is empathetic that he doesn’t want to pursue further

[spartan55]

Yeah, I'm sure that would have been received well. You would have flipped out on him.

[Asker]

For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to disrespect him like I would other men. For one I was careful with my words

But I did want to know what happened… if it were my face. I told him would get more work done… I was just a bit hurt because I didn’t get proper closure. I didn’t know what to believe

I would have liked to know what happened

[spartan55]

Let's remind everyone you went out with the guy ONCE.

[Asker]

I KNOW I WENT OUT WITH HIM ONCE AND I ADMIT I really thought something would have happened between us… I’m sorry I just kind a caught feelings but whatever… he hated me

[spartan55]

So much drama, no one fucking hates you.

[Asker]

Devaluing me and discarding me isn’t hate?

Saying he’s scared to sleep with me because I’ll be crazier? Or asking me if my father knows I post those pics? …. Is devaluing and mean asf

[spartan55]

Yeah I guess.

[Asker]

So why are you getting on me? He hated me and it only made me hate myself

[HollyK21]

Chels, even if it took a few attempts to get closure from him, in the end you still got it. Sure he could’ve handled everything differently, but so could you. You didn’t have to offer yourself as a placeholder, or hardly speak through your date. You didn’t have to have your friend cuss him out. There’s enough that you also messed up on, and it likely contributed to his final choice. All you can do is better next time you deal with a man, it you should really be taking some time to yourself. I don't know if you have tried finding a therapist again, but don’t give up on that.

[spartan55]

Funny, we never hear about how she messed up.

[Asker]

You’re missing the point that he was never genuine. What honest man of integrity would actually want a “placeholder?”

[spartan55]

You are the one who pushed the placeholder idea! Wtf is accountability just a completely foreign concept to you?

[Asker]

True I did….. but we already talked about that and I asked if we could take things slow

[HollyK21]

Honestly babe, even though you feel like you clarified the whole placeholder thing, the fact that you put it on the table in the first place was probably off-putting. Then for you to follow that up with that incredibly awkward date, he could’ve felt like you were the one sabotaging it or not being genuine.

I know I wouldn’t feel like someone was into me if they offered themselves as a placeholder before suggesting we stop talking, calling me a liar, then basically sitting in silence on the date not engaging unless I spoke. Wouldn’t order his own food and had me order for him. It was just a mess and you have to take accountability in your part in it as well.

I’m guessing this would be the part where you say I’m gaslighting you or sticking up for him, which is why I don’t really like rehashing all this. I’m just saying I understand how he could’ve been feeling as well.

[Asker]

I honestly don’t even think that the placeholder thing was a big issue… I really don’t…. We’ve talked for almost 2 weeks and it was never mentioned… I truly within my heart believe he wasn’t looking for anything like he made it seem

Within 7 minutes of the date he practically rejected me… he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship… so it’s hard to take accountability for someone I don’t think was 100% genuine to begin with

[spartan55]

Wow, you just don't get it...

[HollyK21]

I have to agree with Spartan on this one Chels, I don’t feel like you’re getting it. You’re not taking accountability for “someone”, it’s specifically your actions you aren’t addressing. You’ve acknowledged in the past that some aspects of your behavior made you feel embarrassed, and I feel like that is why you’re having a hard time taking accountability for your part. No one is saying you solely fucked up, no one is calling him a saint either, we just want you to understand this can’t be all on him, you had a hand in it too.

[Asker]

Okay but did I ever disrespect him like he did me?

[HollyK21]

Well, calling him a liar was pretty disrespectful, and having your friend cuss him out.

[Asker]

So I can’t confront someone who isn’t being genuine?

Okay but he ghosted!

[Asker]

y'all really team up 🙄 whewww

[HollyK21]

How is it a team up when I’ve been telling you the exact same thing every time we speak? The only reason you’re saying that is because he is speaking to you under this comment as well. Mind you he’s also saying the same things in his separate comment. You’re allowed to feel like he wasn’t genuine, but I don’t think you handled it the right way.

[HollyK21]

I’m just not sure how you are gonna receive any helpful advice when you aren’t being receptive but defensive. I mean you’ve got a grown man right here telling you what it is, and you’re fighting him, trying to tell a man what a man is supposed to do rather than listening to what he’s TELLING you men do, as a guy himself. A man’s perspective on this is actually the best thing you can receive.

[Asker]

HE didn’t handle it the right way!

You guys keep harping over the placeholder comment when that really wasn’t important anymore! We were past that!

He was playing games and truthfully I don’t understand how you can’t see that. He wanted sex while him and his girlfriend were on a break or he was trying to make me a side chick.

[Asker]

I told you that every REAL MAN who has gave me advice has said that he only wanted sex or he’s cheating on someone with me…

Spartan is just aggravating and he’s one of those guys who has called me crazy for years.

[HollyK21]

Sigh, no one is harping over that. What I’m saying is that comment was an element which contributed to his ultimate decision to cut ties. Any time I bring up someplace in this timeline where you messed up you immediately get on the defense then try flipping the conversation back to everything he did wrong, which is the biggest issue here. Constantly deflecting with a lack of accountability. I would love to see you mention where he went wrong while also owning how you messed up too.

[Asker]

You’re the only one blindly agreeing with him and taking up for him.

[Asker]

You literally just said “yeah he’s wrong for GHOSTING, he shouldn’t have talked about SEX…” like there were things you said!

He’s more so wrong for his ACTIONS

[HollyK21]

Yes, and those “real men” were also commenting specifically on the part of the story you choose to tell. You never tell story start to finish anymore, and if you did, those responses would be more in line with what those men were telling you the first two times you posted about this.
If my post says “is it wrong for a guy to say he doesn’t want to have sex with me because he’s afraid I’ll be crazier?”, exactly what do you think those comments are going to look like in response? Probably something along the lines of empathizing with you and tearing him down which is exactly what you want. Not the truth.

[HollyK21]

He was wrong for his parts, and you were wrong for yours. That’s really all there is too it babe.

[Asker]

I wasn’t wrong for how I reacted holly. I don’t even think you understand what I’m saying… why did have to devalue me? Like he’s a narcissist

[Asker]

I’m not saying I’m not wrong but I do feel like I reacted based on what was done to me

[Asker]

What he did was unnecessary and it just shows how much he didn’t care

[HollyK21]

Your feelings were valid, your reaction was not. You were indirect and accusatory. For example, rather than calling him a liar you could’ve said that you didn’t feel like he was being honest about his job, his name or whatever else you felt he was being dishonest about. Another example, when he made a comment that you felt was inappropriate, you could’ve addressed it right then and there rather than sit silently brooding. There were ways to handle things that you did not.

[Asker]

Whatever you say. It’s not like you know him

[HollyK21]

Honestly babe, all things considered you didn’t know him either. I’m not sure why that matters anyway.

[spartan55]

I don't think you understand what 'gaslight' means.

[Asker]

I do. Made to feel like you’re crazy or unstable for speaking up for yourself or confronting someone

[spartan55]

But you said yourself others have referred to you as unstable. So, why is this guy lying?

[Asker]

Why is he lying?

[spartan55]

If you think he is gaslighting you then you think he is lying... hello?

[Asker]

Yesss

[spartan55]

Why do you think he is lying...🙄

[Asker]

Because I don’t think he actually wanted anything with me… I feel like he was playing me

[spartan55]

This makes no sense...

[Asker]

Fuck it.

[spartan55]

How is he playing you if he doesn't want anything from you?

[Asker]

Pretending to get it

[spartan55]

Makes zero sense

[spartan55]

Why would he pretend? He wouldn't.

[Asker]

Yes they would! Fuck outta here

[Asker]

You’re new to earth

[spartan55]

Sure thing. Lol

[DreamLife7]

See how unstable she is 🤣🤣. she proved everyone's point. She's unstable, unattractive and undateable and psychotic

[DrPepper12]

Not unstable but anxious and impulsive.