Parents: at what age is it inappropriate for children to come in to your bedroom and get in bed with you in the middle of the night?

Question

This question is NOT at what age your child should stop sharing your bed routinely. I am asking about those nights when a child comes into your room and says they are scared, can't sleep, whatever excuse, and they want to get in bed with you.

This issue arose in a private conversation recently and I had no context for understanding since I have never had children. If you are a single parent, does the answer depend on whether the child is your gender or opposite gender?

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

I don't see it as sexual, so I don't think gender matters. Family is family, and we should always be cuddly with them, at least IMHO.

I do come from a very close family and close to the point where people question us and think we're "a little too close". For example my sister makes jokes about all us boys and how sexy we are, and we chat while she's taking a dump and I'm brushing my teeth in the same bathroom, or otherwise naked/exposed. Last summer, two of my brothers and I had just got out of the ocean and went to the marina shower and just shared one shower head/stall. To us it's natural because we love each other and we were talking and didn't want to stop just to go shower separately. Plus there were only three showers so we would take them all if we separated. I don't know, it just doesn't seem weird or inappropriate to me at all.

I just think it's sweet and no matter the age. If my kids were adults even, and I was geriatric, I would say come on, bring the grandkids as well let's all make a cuddle puddle! The only time I think it would be inappropriate is if there were thoughts of or a sexuality to it. Which I could see if you were sleeping in the same bed all the time there could be some weirdness and inappropriateness developing, but the example you gave was not on a constant basis. I've thought about that like if I have a beautiful wife and then we have a girl and she grows up being so beautiful like her mother, and we are close in our hearts and how we know each other so intimately, would I have a sexual attraction as well? I think it obviously happens which is why there's so much fetish material out there about incest. Same as with other family like cousins, siblings, etc.

Anpu23 · Accepted Answer

I think it's more about why they are needing comfort. A bit of parental love is appropriate in many situations regardless of age.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

My daughters were 15 and 17 when their dad died, and the day of
the funeral they slept in my bed... I don't see why anyone would even make an issue with that and at the end of the day, couldn't really give two fucks... But had they been sons, why should that have been any different... A parent should be able to love comfort their children equally without people turning it into something Inappropriate

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

I dont think there's really any age. My sis is 20 and can still crawl into bed with my mom if the thunder scares her 🤷‍♀️ I know when something broke in the house out of nowhere once, i jumped in the bed with them 🤣 i was in my 20s. If i go visit my grandparents, i’d prob sleep next to my grandma 🤷‍♀️ So no age really unless your parent is married and the right side of the bed is already taken lol

0112358 · Answer

I wouldn't say it's age it's about the maturity of the child.

for one of my kids I mean... might be never (though actually that child once asleep is a fantastic sleeper).

that said it's important to note as a parent the goal is to build self sufficiency in your kids. That's a balancing act as not emotionally supporting them can make them LESS confident. But smothering doesn't let them build their own skills.

tbh none of my kids actually do this, they don't seem to really suffer from nightmares. As a child I -did- though they eased off some time between 10-13 if I remember right.

PaynefulPleasures · Answer

My daughter is mentally challenged so at times she'll crawl into to bed with me especially when her Dad passed, the storms are brutal at times, but if I had someone which that's never going to happen but if I did would go to her room till she settled.

Sandshrew · Answer

I don't have kids but if a kid comes to your room to ask to sleep with you is because they wanna feel safe and cared for, right? They will eventually stop on their own, but that should be their decision and not be forced to go back to their room

Leavesbound · Answer

I am 61 and I have no children so I have not experienced this. I think once they get to be closing in on their pre-teen years they should probably not be doing this. Also, I have no memory of ever sleeping in my parent's bed. The closest I ever came was running to my parent's room at night during a thunder storm or to wake them up shortly after sunrise which was always a popular move.

likelyOK · Answer

I don’t feel as though there is a right or wrong number here but it’s probably not good marital practice and could get in the way of the sexual relationship with your spouse. Over the long term lots of married man usually harbor resentment over it. One of my professors was a psychologists and I heard her tell me about this from clients she had and it does not surprise me.
Also I think if you let them all the time it could lead to a discipline issue, but that is my own opinion on it.

Adam1978 · Answer

The same day they get their own room, not counting other siblings they share it with. A kid should always be able to bug a parent at any time if it is important. At night that requirement for what is important goes up. It's a part of learning the kids to consider the wishes of others and respect their sleep times.

modelUN242 · Answer

I slept in my mom's bed in my parent's room when I was younger, I think cause I liked being next to someone safe. If my child is having nightmares, I donno if I would, I don't want it to be a habit and disturb my husband (if I had one). But, I think comforting them is the best and telling them to go back to bed.

pleasestopthis · Answer

I think I would not kick my child out of my room regardless of age. If they're scared, or feel too troubled to sleep that night, it would suck to send them back to fend by themselves.
I sometimes slept with my parents or just mom/dad when I was sick or mom was working outside, it was never a problem, and it wasn't an everyday thing.

loves2learn · Answer

I will be here to comfort my children no matter how old they are. There is nothing inappropriate about a child climbing in my bed for comfort.

beebella · Answer

It depends on why/how often they're doing this. I don't have kids and I never slept in my parents' bed growing up, but my niece is 10 and she's still scared to sleep by herself. I don't know why she's scared to sleep by herself, but I would hope that my future kids have no problem sleeping by themselves at that age. I wouldn't mind them wanting to sleep in my bed every now and then, but I would hate for it to be a regular thing.

Xavaric · Answer

NEVER lol
whats peoples problem? the kid can sleep in its bed with its parents jesus christ.
hell kids can even sleep in a bed with an adult who isn't their parents o. o
its a sick world we live in where an adult and child can't share a bed.

that said i suppose.. there was a few individuals who would break the bond of trust. so i can see why people may be concerned.

Josh4206 · Answer

I voted i don't have kids, but id say never. If they're scared of something I wouldn't tell them to go back and possibly not sleep. Rather them just sleep well

ThePolishKnight37 · Answer

This seems like a trap question. You are damn if you do or damn if you don't. You are either looked at as uncaring or a pedo. No win situation.

ZackBan · Answer

I think parents never have to kick their kids out of the room instead once a kid begins to reach puberty he/she will stop wanting to sleep with their parents and so it will end on it's own

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

Good question.
To be frank, I'd say from age 12-13 or once they reach puberty. That said, this doesn't mean they won't welcome to come sit with us or have a bedtime talk with me or their mother, especially if they need some advice, or are feeling sad or confused about something!

Daniela1982 · Answer

Some on here seem to think it's okay when your kid is 10-15. I would encourage my kiddo, if I had one, to sleep in their own bed after the age of 4.

Jack9949 · Answer

My parents once knowingly let me in their bed when I said I was sick. And guess what? I threw up all over the covers...

avicennagal · Answer

I think after 6 years of age the child should be sleeping in their own bed. If the child has a bad nightmare, then the parent might lay down on the bed until the child calms down.

HOAAH · Answer

Age 3? I think my son and daughter slept in bed with us until they were 2&4. They are no longer allowed to now. My youngest is not allowed.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

My ex would do the honourable thing and go back to her bed with her.

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