When your siblings picked on you, played rough, violated your space too much, you complained... did she protect you?I had a great mom in many ways, but being the youngest and mom heavily distracted with her duties and work, I often got picked on and abused and noone to comfort my wounded emotions. Tickle tortured, emotionally put down, it starts to take a toll. If no-one is there to listen and I don't have power to fight, it left me as less than myself. The child keeps growing, the heart is stuck being abused which continues into adulthood. Some of this is personality.. e. g. how we respond to the challenge and I didn't respond well. I was sensitive and introverted, physically strong, but weak at heart. I didn't complain, I just "took it", if I did fight back or complain, it often got worse. I didn't learn to compromise or negotiate. If my brother picked on me and I fought back, we both got whacked. Losing proposition... power. I can relate to how some people who are oppressed due to culture/sex/etc.. would feel.
Have to grow up, and see the things of the past, that's what I'm trying to do asking these questions. Maybe you'll find something in yourself of value to expose and resolve.
I can only imagine the abuse other children have experienced that shape and warp their view of self.
Did your mother protect you when you were a child?
What an important message. Thanks for putting yourself out there to tell your story and use your experience as an example.
My mom was kind of overly protective. In some ways, I appreciated it, but I also had an independent streak.
I give two examples from when I was little: My mom was very insistent about nap time. One day my dad was mowing the lawn and I wanted to help, but she insisted that I had to take a nap. I managed to climb out my bedroom window. My dad was happy to let me tag along (help). He didn't know what I had done. When my mom saw me, she was angry, put me back in my room, and wanted my dad to punish me later. He sat down and talked to me but didn't punish me.
Another time, I had gotten my first pair of roller skates. The were the kind that clamp onto your shoes and were made of plastic. I went out to the sidewalk with both my parents with me. They wanted to help, but I brushed them off and said "I can do it. I can do it." I immediately fell on my ass. My mom rushed and wanted to comfort me. My dad said "He's okay". I got right up and skated.
I only had one sibling, a sister who was three years younger. So I didn't have anyone picking on me. I didn't pick on her. We often played together.
In school, I was an object of abuse. I was generally popular, or at least fit in. There was a kid in my class, from first through eighth grade, who was kind of a monster and would sometimes terrorize other kids, including me. I wound up resenting him and that resentment effected my personality. I wasn't terrorized. More like angry. I've experienced other examples of abuse in my life, too. Sometimes from mean teachers. So I understand how abuse can effect a person. In my case, it made me more rebellious against authority.
Thank you for sharing that, really helps to see more clearly from what was rooted in the past. I like you rparents, dad was excellent... he was man enough to not just do what mom did and stand up to her based upon his perception, but your mother cared and wanted to discipline you. good parents.
The bully in school, had some like that. I learned empathy for them when I heard from a girl who married the bully and she explained how screwed up he was, his father was a drunk. He tortored me verbally with his put downs, but I learned some compassion from that. No doubt being abused makes one angrey... e. g. sad... that we wantt o fight back, knowing we ain't gonna win the fight. I strongly suspect some African americans experience that as sadness/"rage"... can see those threads in the culture with rebellion. I note color/culture as I've perceived it there, it's a human thing for sure, anyone can respond... based upon how they interpret and handle it.
You have the arrangement of my older brother and sister (10yrs from me), they were best buddies. That combo seems optimal since there isn't fighting amoung the boys and the kids can play and learn.
You know that kid I mentioned? In later years I realized that he had older brothers. I think he was emulating the way they behaved. He wasn't a mean kid. He was just wild. He thought some of the things he did to others were funny. I'm sure he had had that shit done to him by his brothers. I'll also say that he and I weren't actual enemies. We got along sometimes. But I never thought it was funny to torment others, especially those who are more vulnerable.
Not really I am the oldest of 3. Taking care of my younger siblings since I was a child people would come to the door probably selling something.. i would yell mom someone is at the door.. my sister would yell tell them to go away im busy.. basically what our parents told us when we had problems go away im busy, or God gave you a brain figure it out. So wed do that so when teachers came to the door cause our parents didn't see a point in signing our homework when wed ask we just get yelled at.. My teacher and my sisters teacher realized our parents dont care never went to parent teacher things or anything we were involved with like concerts the school put on.. now my brother's teacher was a pain in my ass.. he's 5 years younger than me.. she once said on our front step well im not leaving until I speak with one of your parents.. so I said Brandon you stay with your teacher let me go talk to mom.. so I whispered to Renee to ask mom let me play mom.. Mom Brandons teacher is at the door again.. What does the cunt want now? She wants to talk to you come down and talk to her.. well she's going to be waiting awhile cause I dont have time to speak with her does the school not pay her enough that she comes to my house and disturbs me on my time off.. I think it is about signing his homework.. I dont care about signing his homework I've got better things to do then that.. tell the bitch im in the shower.. she said she won't leave until you come down well ill call the cops then.. this is harrassment.. then his teacher Mrs. Wood yelled dont you care about your childrens education? I yelled back in a voice like moms they are my children for a reason change your attitude or ill report you to the parole board. Homework isn't as important as food on the table so leave my property at once.. every so often child protective services would come and question us but wed always rehearse the same story so they didn't separate us..
Oh yeah. My mom went all ghetto and caused a scene arguing with the school staff of my siblings and I getting bullied. She fought more for my little brother who is autistic. She got super pissed off when a school specialist suggested my mom enroll my brother in sign language school saying “he won’t be able to speak cause he’s autistic.” My mom made sure nobody touched him cause of his temper tantrum’s.
He’s grown up now and smart. He goes out driving on his own.
My parents tried but I was a highly independent and stubborn child (first-born) so I was always like, "I don't need your help! I can do it by myself!" I don't know where I got it from but I was always like that as far back as I can remember.
It was so extreme that I got hit by a car speeding down a hill one time and was covered in bruises and cuts. Then people in the car tried to rush to carry me and I was like, "I don't need your help!" Though later I tried to walk and couldn't so well and then I was like, "[Sigh] Okay. You can carry me." I was just 4-years old at the time.
My little sister wasn't stubborn so my parents spent most of their time protecting and taking care of her. I didn't mind it and preferred it that way.
It might have been the first-born thing. My parents also fought sometimes to the point of screaming at each other at the top of their lungs (eventually divorced), and that often made my little sister cry. So I got used to taking care of her and cheering her up. I don't know if I was consciously thinking that way at the time, but maybe subconsciously I felt that if I can't protect and take care of myself, I won't be able to protect and take care of my sister.
traumatic experience and everyone/personality would take that different. your sister being younger, may have impacted her different. glad you were there to support. Sorry to hear of the sufferings of the parents and divorce. Blows me away people can "fall in love", make kids, and disintegrate. But it happens so often. Really seems to take a lot of work to keep relationships healthy, sadly, that isn't recognized in our society. I'd guess your sister be drawn to an abusive guy, unless she felt comfort from you... maybe she avoided it.
She turned out quite well, fortunately. Has a very nice husband and just recently had a daughter that looks so much like she did when she was a baby. I'm wanting to meet my new niece and we were supposed to meet over a year ago but she's been unable to come here to Japan due to COVID restrictions (she lives in the US).
I think I developed a bit of a temper problem and possibly as a result of my parents fighting all the time. Think I got over most of it though by training my mind to try to think differently whenever things are starting to anger me.
That's good you found ways to manage those issues. As get older, tempers seem to get shorter depending upon stressors. Observe yourself and continue to work on, it's good you see yourself clearly, that helps. Hope you get to see your little sister and baby soon!
Not against bullies and other children, as building a spine and standing up for yourself is something that you and you alone must learn to do. There won't always be somebody taking you out of trouble, so you must be able to make do with your own hands and wit. Against abuse of power from the teachers or other kids parents though, yes. That's not a problem a kid can face, and she was there to shield me from adults behaving like stupid bastards. And that's what parents exist for. Shielding you from problems you have no power against, while making you do your own experiences and strenghtening your ego.
Very true! a lot of people need a bunch in the gut to gain their respect, others verbal wits. Many people just aren't nice... for whatever their reasons.
Did my mother... 🤣😂🤣😂 OMG! apart from physical and verbal abuse that I got at school from teachers...
My mother was the only person who daily abused me physically by beating me.. Punching me... kicking me... Using a broomstick to beat.. Using a wooden stick to beat me.. From age 6-13 .. In 7th grade by mistake the mixing jar fell from my hand and broke.. She throw the jar at my face with full force.. My glasses ruptured my nose and I had to get multiple stitches "I had to lie in hospital that I fell" didn't wanted her to get in trouble!..
She was a mental gone person in state of mania panicking daily because of her job.. Because she couldn't handle job stress and because my father was at risk going to jail because he was being framed...
So yeah the person who should Protect... Broke me and damaged me beyond repair during the major psychological developmental stage...
WOW! Thank you for sharing all that. You are smart enough to know what happened now know the impact, that is good! You see it and found it early in life... and yes, it's still early. I didn't see mine til starting in late 40's. That gives you time to do something about it and have a lot of life beyond that damage. There are approaches to correcting all that, you gotta want it more than anything though. I will bet you 100 million $ in bitcoins, the females about you see that... and run. It's the emotional projection they don't like, not you. Realize... what happened to you... is not you, it's your conditioning. The real you is inside there... and they will love that when you are set free.
It's a B we can't choose our parents, and that would have been awful to be abused like that. Do you have services in your country to help you work on this stuff and repair your broken heart/sub conscious? It will be deep, emotional/spiritual/physical... all needs released and healed.
I wish you the best in finding your true self and healing... lest I say, forgiving. It's good you can see some of what was going on with mom... she couldn't handle stress... I believe you have a dysfunctional brother as well right.. so stress ontop stress. All because of a clogged up Amygdala and Hypothalamus, you got all that. Your mom didn't have support and healing. She's probably a basket case now, if still alive... and won't want to change.
Wisdom: the area of your greatest wound... will become your greatest gifts... of which you can give back from... once healed.
Nope.. My mom would have become basket case.. But when I turned 12 And my puberty kicked in.. I developed and idea "I need to understand girls" that included my mom.. instead of being scared and afraid of my mom.. I began seeing things psychologically... I realized because my dad not being a great husband ( but a great sad) was making her miserable.. And she was feeling insecure and scared and was mentally shattered.. So I concluded she needed help.. But I didn't know that mental helpline existed. And in India back then no such things existed..
I used my mind.. And took house chores off her hands along with my brother.. Keeping house clean and doing the dishes and talking care of our toddler brother..
The stress on her mind reduced.. She still had snapping episode because of her overthinking.. A few times I snapped her out of it yelling at her saying... " Your parents didn't accept your relationship with dad.. My dad's parents didn't accept you as their daughter in law.. I know you feel alone and with burden of kids... But mom we are growing.. Look how strong you are you alone pushed a decade with kids and a job.. And they all might have rejected you and never been there for you.. But we are your son.. We are here for you.. We won't abandon you.. Everyday we push forward we are becoming stronger. Then why are you overthinking and worrying. "
Took me 2 years to push her out of her mental breakdowns.. And reduced her breakdowns to once a week.. And those also happened because my dad would visit.. On Saturday and Sunday and say some stupid shit and trigger her..
Took me another 2 years to make her realize that my dad isn't a God.. He is ordinary men.. He is struggling and trying to push.. Sometimes he will say stupid shit.. He is a jerk.. But remember this.. He is your jerk.. You chose him.. And you are angry at him.. Deep down you love him..
My mom still snaps and starts yelling.. But it's once in 2 weeks.. And I think it's healthy for her to express her pain at this rate so I don't interfere... I let her express now..
She broke me beyond repair.. But I brought her back from nutcase... Yeah my brother is schizophrenic.. I guided my mom in stabilizing him. Or she would have lost him already.. I have set protocols to deal with him but they aren't serious about it.. So we might have problems in future..
Yeah.. I know I am broken.. But that also means I am also stronger than others.. Have a deep and different perception and often I am ahead of the curve..
The only thing I hate about this whole thing is.. I lost my chance to be a kid because of physical and verbal abuse from mom.. I lost my teenage bringing my mom back to sanity... Didn't get to be a teenager or go on a date or hang out with friends after school or have chance at puppy love..
And after teenage ended my elder brother had accident broke his leg.. Took care of him for 1 yr..
And after that my younger brothers mental condition triggered.. And Boom Last 5 years went in saving him from himself...
I have been sewing this family for a decade and half... I am exhausted..
I just want that they don't do anymore shit.. Because now I want to go out there and live my life.. Maybe find a girl who is just as mentally broken as me.. And things don't work out with other men with her..
And thank you.. 😢😢 I never get a spot to share it all.. Thanks for your attention..
And I apologize that a couple of days ago. I tried to make fun of you in my twisted opinion.. I need humor in life.. It helps me hide all the pain.. If I don't get the light of humor the darkness pulls me back into misery...
Wow, you grew up fast to respond to the threat with care for your mom. That helped your family immensely. I've heard stories of kids who had to rise to be the man of the family, that's what you did in a lot of ways. Well done.
Stress/the brain doesn't heal so fast, lucky your mom didn't "split" and have hallucinations, or other psych disorderes... paranoia, etc.. Stress over enough time warps the mind. All that rejection on her would weigh on her emotions. The home supposed to be a refuge from the world, not the place where all the misery comes out... but all too often, it becomes the place of abuse. Can see why it's so important for women to have security... cause careing for kids is a lot of energy.
You have a good heart to love your mom and family in the face of all that. A lot of strength.
Man you are doing a really good deed here... If you are actually working to give men mental health support by talking online.. I am willing to join you virtually in talking to men around the world who are in real pain..
Because we know men are at higher risk of committing suicide and I would rather spend my time helping them by talking.. Instead of fucking around on GAG and flirting with make-up + photoshop girls..
Just let me know if you need another man on board.. To pull back a brother back from edge of committing suicide...
The great thing about time is.. It's good or bad it passes away!.. And I will be glad to be an emotional anchor to another man (not women) in his bad time..
I noticed your humor is your defense stragegy, I use that as well. It's defense against feeling the real pain that lurks. I forgive you on that, could tell it was a poke, but got it... it was a hard time for me processing my thoughts and challenges. They never seem to end in life... there's always another Himalayas.
You'll need some greater guidance how to get out of that role, lest you will be the caretaker for all. I've seen a family with a dysfunctional sibling but they tag team it and the parents care for him. sounds like you don't have that support as yet.
Where do you go for strength to keep going? Any source of support can help, in friends, faith in diety, hope. I went to Jesus, it got me through times.
I have an ill sister... who was once fairly healthy. Stress trashed her, I don't have to deal with her often, but it's difficult if not impossible. I have a little context for why you'd be exhausted. Freedom and care for yourself is important, you are human and young. You can recover. Maybe there's others out here who went through all that can give better advice than I.
In terms of being a kid... this all reminds me of my father! He got terrible abuse like that as a kid. He escaped in books, radio (at the time) and his dreams and imagination. He had fun all his life... he worked hard and bought toys like motorcycles, boats, vacations. He lived it up and lived it up through us kids... I see that now. You can relive your childhood again and again!:) Go play!:) My mom would try to hold him back, he never would... he enjoyed the fun of life cause he didn't get it as a kid. Can do same.
But I understand that GOD is figment of brains imagination so I use my brain.. And go hyperactivity crunching numbers and scenarios and that's how I push...
But after I become hyperactive.. I found it difficult to stop... That's where I realized I need an anchor of blind faith and that anchor needs to be the strongest subconscious belief in mind..
So I realized I need to start believing in who I think ultimate GOD is and I started believing in vishnu (the Apex god of Hindu religion) for peace.. And man it helps..
I still call myself Atheist because I don't want to get in religious conflicts and cross fire... But I believe in VISHNU and it helps..
Also you are right about your dad.. He got lost in imagination... Me too used to get lost in imagination and daydreaming... I still get lost in daydreams.. 🤣😂 And it's really peaceful for me..
That makes sense to me, getting to outside of ourselves, to a higher level of perspective and peace... brings peace! I'm least familiar with Hindu, I'll get some education some day... I meant to go to temple and didn't get it done. I can see why God is... or man created the concept, however it works, it works! It is certainly a need within as our own strength is limited.
Our imaginations seem to be the ticket to greater good and to much trouble depending upon how they are channeled. Some people are visionaries that take us to mars... and others are completely nuts seeing wolves where there are none.
I understand rejecting religion, man corrupts spiritual things quickly by creating processes, which is religion. But I relate to them, I'm ok with it... I understand the need. I think for some whose minds work differently, it is more important to them. Thats why I so believe in freedom and fight for peoples right to make choices freely. Relgion can be justification to do terrible thigns and that's wrong. Were a complicated bunch, but you are seeing things quite clearly on your path of life... well done!
at 24, I was out of college, stairing at a computer screen and clueless about myself, life, females, and everything else. you are ahead of the curve... like it or not, make it an asset you can stand on.
Thank you, that sounds exciting... love the idea. It's a passion of mine, lets see if we can "tag team" and make that happen. I just moved to a new house, lot going on, but I'll talk w/ girlfriend and see if I can formulate a plan and loop back. You have message ability with me right? So agree, A man killed himself yesterday with gun 1 mi from my home. Men need support, that would really feed me. Caveat, I know I can't do it alone and takes a village as the needs are so great. This very question may be a good one to start with. I'm thinking...
My mother did her best. I certainly wouldn’t blame any of my present issues on her. And I don’t think you should either. My mum had an abusive narcissistic husband to deal with, let alone 3 kids and her job. Her life must have been unbearable while I was too young to notice what was happening.
As an adult, I take my problems on and deal with them. With or without outside professional help. It’s unhealthy to sit and wallow about your past. Get help, work though it and move forward.
Maybe from afar. I lived with foster parents who did at times protect me in public but then would abuse and beat me up in private. And expect me not only to endure it (they didn't care much about that) - but to respect them for it (they still deserve bullets to their heads but that is mostly illegal or legally complicated)
tears... I know it's not easy to be a foster parent... talked to them. But as well, harder to be the child that has no power and has to take the crap. Do share post a mytake how you survived that and remained a decent human. I can only hope you provide a better life to those around you. My father endured a lot of that and did very well and lived a good life, hope you can do the same.
35 years old and my mom still protects me! :) Heck, she calls me every weekend if she hasn't heard from me at least once a week to check in and make sure I'm okay.
It's her, well most, mothers' natures by default. It's annoying having an overprotective mother at times, but at the same time I like the fact she still cares about me and wants what's best for me.
That's abusive as hell, putting the blame on a child that can't even understand it. Hope you see that. hope dad was better. As can see in what I wrote, that stuff and how it's translated can mess with life, so one ends up having to fight to decide what you want, vs what u got.
I never really had a problem with my sister because she’s disabled. Instead my mom had to protect us from the toxic bullies at my school. Even parents would tell my mom that wouldn’t amount to anything in life. My sister had to switch schools because they teachers would put her in the hallway to teach herself because they were too lazy to. So yeah, my mom did protect me. Not from my sibling but from people in general because people were really mean. I’m still traumatized by it to this day.
What seems like "years ago" at that age, is embedded in the psyche of the child. By about your age to 20, you're all well trained/baked and start to do on your own. It was all training... hopefully it was good training to help you stay out of the traps and you can have productive life. Some kids... as you learn on this site, are really screwed up from childhood. It casts a strong image on our life. It was all "jedi" training so to speak.
Me and my late mom was close, that is why my dad has hate towards me we all had our differences but at least when my dad left the house we were able to have the furnace turned up so we didn't freeze at night my dad verbally abused all of us and I blame him partly for my mom developing cancer her stress is what caused her to get cancer and he was her the stress finally in 1994 they were divorced and she had 9 years than she passed
That is so sad and not how it's supposed to be, you already know that. you didn't ask for or deserve that. I doubt anyone can make sense out of what she did, other than her and her own wounded heart.. of which, she's probably ashamed of. often relates back to her childhood. I'm glad your father was there for you. Hopefully some day, you can make amends and heal and your sister too. Different ages/personalities would be impacted differently. I saw some of these issues within my current family... the children were stunted for a while. Parents pulled together.. albeit divorced, they started to grow and thrive again. The mom often... makes the family work, in this case, she didn't.
That kind of trauma can reflect through life because as children we are learnign about our world and selves and it gets personalized. There's a psychological chart on stages of development that helps understand. There is healing for this and I hope some day you can make amends and peace with her or with this. Don't let this one thing control your life. Your photo shows your energy is "sapped", no wonder. But you can get that back and have your own life and family once your heart is healed.
My mother was overprotective and over bearing during my child and adolescent years. But I thank her for always being that way because nothing ever happened to me. And now that I am a mother myself. I understand completely where she is coming from.
My mother beat up the landlord across the street when I came home crying because in an angry huff he picked up my bike and carried it off the grass which I wasn't supposed to be on. I was six or seven.
Ur case is similar to mine. My mom doesn't protect me most times, she defends my siblings n I feel so bad 4 it. But nevermind, I'll not let that ruin my days ahead. Life still goes on...
I mean I'm the oldest sibling so my siblings picking on me was never an issue but yeah my mother protected me when I was a kid from various things, both my parents did.
sorry to hear that, it's painful isn't it. If no one there to protect you, then you have to do it. hopefully that produces strength in time. My image of that... is Joan Jett, all depends on how you process your reality, but it's wrong... parents should be there for you.
that's another extreme... don't get to grow up. There's a fine balance, parents very important and with no training... they take on kids. no wonder the world is a wash in emotional complexity.
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