Was my relationship with my childhood best friend toxic?

[Anonymous]

My (former) best friend abruptly ended our decades long friendship after I invited her to my wedding. She never congratulated me. I had a feeling something was wrong but I didn’t want to assume so I waited for her response.

Weeks later she sent a long message that blindsided me (there was a lot more said that is not on this list):

• she was no longer going to talk to me
• she couldn’t congratulate me on my marriage because she never felt like my partner wanted to be her friend (mind you that my partner has never said anything of the sort. She also has a partner of her own who I am not friends with but I still supported their relationship)
• Made insulting/incorrect assumptions about my character while saying she was coming from a place of empathy. That she values being a good person whereas I do not (I haven’t done anything that would imply that)

I’ve been trying to make sense of her response to reflect on what aspects I needed to change about myself. I’ve looked back on our friendship and have come to realize that she may have never liked me or wanted me to be successful. As adults I thought we were mutually supportive of each other’s accomplishments and am disappointed to find out otherwise.

Aspects of her personality that likely affected our friendship:

• She was envious and would always compare herself to others. Complained about not being about to keep a job and would compare our income
• Throughout college she would police what I could discuss with her mother in terms of academics. I wasn’t allowed to discuss my major with her mother even for useful career advice (her mom is an engineer & my parents aren’t familiar with the college system).
• Stated she has anger issues. I didn’t realize how bad it was until she mentioned that she throws items near her partner during arguments
• She also recently cultivated a friendship with my sibling who I have cut ties with for being physically/emotionally abusive towards me.

[Anonymous]

"Childhood best friend" says it all. Before I started to read this, I immediately thought what you came to realize, that you were never really "best friends". Or, you both grew up and naturally (as everyone does), became different people as you got older. Friendships don't always last during that because you've both changed in many ways. Had you met as adults, maybe you would have never become friends? But because you were young, friendship "priorities" are completely different to say the least lol. I think all that has happened here is that you've both realized you've become different people that's all. While self reflection is good to a degree, I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself either. Don't over analyze. The friendship isn't working anymore, and maybe it caught you off guard a bit, but you suspected it also, so maybe just time to move on?

[In_Trance]

your childhood best friend is telling everybody that you're the toxic one

[Anonymous]

sounds jealous an like she's not been a true friend doesn't like u after all unless she changes cut ties to her.

[Sam_The_Savage]

She is negative person... ignore it.

[Iron_Man]

I’m sorry