My boyfriend is obsessed with his family?

[Anonymous]

I always understand and appreciate family closeness. I am from a huge family and love my parents and siblings as anyone else does. My boyfriend begged me to move to DC with him from Jersey, My job wasn't going as planned so I transferred to a hospital in Washington and moved in. Since I've made the move in March, he has spent 2 weekends here with me, the rest of the time he goes home to new jersey to be with his family. When I explained to him that I do adore the bond he has with his family, I would like to feel like I am as important to him as they are. Every weekend for 3 months is a little extreme for a 25 year old to go home just to have dinner with his mom dad and sister. When we lived in new jersey, it was easier to pull teeth than get 3 nights a week with him alone. Every cute-date I planned was changed into "why don't we just spend the night here watching a movie with my family?" Now, I wouldn't call it a "mommas boy" because she sat down with him and told him "as much as I love and enjoy you coming home, you're 25 and have your own life to live in DC, you can't base your life around your parents, its not healthy for your girlfriend", he simply laughed it off and went on with his ways. There have been numerous weekends where I had a 1-2 hour commitment to work on a Saturday, leaving me here in DC alone while he goes home, when I ask if he can spare this weekend he will give me a huge fit over how he "just likes to be around his family and I don't understand!" Last weekend he went home because his dad was surprising his mom with a new refrigerator and he wanted to see his mom when she first saw it.

Now, I am not jealous, nor am I upset he is so close with them, But the amount of time he spends with them over anything else has me worried for our future. Are we going to be everybody loves raymond and live across the street? Yesterday he told me he wants to fix their garage up and make it into an apartment and live there for the next 10 years after I finish my masters in nursing here in DC. He told me its perfectly normal to go to your parents twice a month and maybe even every weekend if his other sister is in town. this is a 4 hour drive, 4 times a month.

I don't know what else to do. I feel like I am never going to hold what his family does in any situation, social or in his love life, and if I tell him how uncomfortable it makes me when he compares every meal I make, show I watch, shirt I wear, or day I had at work to his mom, I think I might explode. I love him, but I don't know how much longer I can like the every weekend alone in DC while he goes home just to be in his parents house.

[tohrment]

This is an incredibly difficult situation. I respect you for being so level-headed about this, and not issuing ultimatums like so many girls tend to do. I'm actually a little perplexed by your boyfriend's behaviour, to be honest. Really, the only thing you can do (short of stapling him to a chair) is to communicate how you feel. When you are both relaxing doing something, bring it up. Explain how you feel - that you feel neglected; that you're not a priority; whatever. I agree that family is super important, but at the same time if he's encourages and pursuaded you to move interstate for him, I think you deserve some major TLC.

Maybe ask him to alternate between DC & NJ on weekends, so that he has one weekend with you and the next with his family. If he is still unrelenting, make sure he realizes just how much this is bothering you.

As for living in his 'rents garage. Well, that's a bit odd. He could just be joking. Otherwise, it isn't a huge deal because you essentially control where you do and don't live.