How do you best guide an impulsive, defiant, stubborn child?

Question

About a month and a half ago said child cut the hair of a classmate because her ponytail was grazing his desk. Today he got in an altercation with a classmate on the bus because he felt his space was being invaded.

This same child also had a history of biting his brother and occasionally other children.

One of us parents thinks severe punishments are in order, one of us thinks guidance is in order. When asked about it he shuts down, gets upset and scratches his face to try to “make up” for it.

GaGirls · Accepted Answer

I read what you typed. Read what I have typed very carefully.
The child is gifted. He has a high capacity for emotion. It is very important that you get the child involved into something constructive. Something that the child likes or even loves. Michael Jordan would channel is anger into the game of basketball. He would even sometimes make up things in his head, that weren't true, to fuel himself. Anger or any emotion. Emotion is the driving force of man. That is why sex and love are so power. They are the most power emotions. It compels action. It is vital that you get this child into something constructive. By doing so he can express this energy toward desired and more worthy ends. Not only that, the child will develop habits and confidence that will aid them later in life. Do NOT punish him. He must be inspired to be something other than those unsatisfactory characteristics. Reread what I have said slowly and carefully. @loves2learn

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

I think he needs love to get better cause if he abuses others he is probably being abused at home or by a sibling or bully. I would also discipline him to teach him respect for authority. In Canada spanking is illegal but the bible says those who refuse to spank their children are no different from their children’s enemies cause not disciplining them will make them corrupt and ruin their prospects in life.

TheorionMage · Accepted Answer

Start 'soft & respectful' but make it PERFECTLY clear 'pain compliance' ALWAYS remains 'on the table'. I used to train Bar Bouncers and college women's self-defense with a mix of Judo and Aikido... using precision and understanding the body's vulnerabilities if necessary to non-injurious use pain to achieve compliance.

The little Hellion has learned to 'play' the system... YOU must make them aware "Everybody CAN bleed" (and merit experience non-bruising INTENSE pain)
"Wanna act out like an animal? FINE! Skinnerian pleasure / pain conditioning."
Expect "Mommy, Mommy! He HURT me..."

Look the little kid squarely in their eyes inches from their nose and say firmly "BECAUSE YOU were being hurtful, YOU TOO can BE hurt!" No sympathy, NO bullshit coddling!

Their behavior may not change, but it will CERTAINLY change in YOUR presence!
Else little assholes grow into adult assholes.~

matchrestore · Accepted Answer

Guidance over punishment. Punishment can be a temporary solution, but guidance will be better long term.

AviatorTom · Answer

Tough question. I guess I was fortunate to not have to deal with something like this with my kids, but there were parents in our neighborhood who did.

From what I remember, said parents talked to the child's doctor and school guidance counselor for ideas. They then told said child that his actions were unacceptable and "grounded" him, meaning no TV or video games, and no playdates with friends. He was also kept home from school for about a week, if I remember, and had homework from his teacher to do, supervised by his parents.

Best of luck. As his parents, you know him better than anyone. It sounds like "tough love" time.

t-8900 · Answer

Sounds like he might be suffering some form of mental illness or perhaps he hasn't told you about another child bullying him? Please try to get to the he bottom of it because something terrible could be causing it. When I was young I would get into fights every single day. Multiple times some days. Between my parents fighting constantly, bullies at school, and having something happen to me our of my control I started to lash out. Also are you giving the other sibling more attention than him?

exitseven · Answer

The first thing parents do is think it is just a phase and it will go away on it's own It is not. there has to be some kind of punishment involved. Either taking away a favorite toy or making the child miss an event he or she was looking forward to.
As far as the incident on the bus you need to make sure exactly what "Invading my space" meant. There might be more to it than that.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I would recommend intense professional counseling also the child should get a mental health evaluation for possible some type of mental health disorder that makes them resort to anger, also could there be another child that is ticking them off, also what kind of diet does he have, stuff with coloring is not good for a child, such as drinking kool-aid, does he play games where he is seeing violence, At home when a child acts out
my advice is to leave him in a room alone, stand outside of the door so he is safe, and make sure he's not self-harming or has nothing in his sight to self-harm, My late mom babysat this boy, Jason, wow he was a demon but he was age 3 he refused to wear his seatbelt and his mom pulled up to the police station and an officer came out and told him that if he didn't wear his seatbelt his mom would be arrested, from that day on he was well behaved in the car and wore his seatbelt

bowenw · Answer

I'm not a fan of severe punishments, but I think it's important kids learn that actions have consequences. That could be grounding or taking away privileges like their phone, loss of screen time, TV, etc. Punishment alone may not deter the behavior and counseling/guidance should also be used. It's probably best to seek professional help sooner than later.

anon171999 · Answer

I'd send the parents to therapy. That's not something a child in a loving and healthy environment does. That's a child's way of crying for help because he's in pain. So I'd send the parents to therapy to work through their issues so that they can be better parents and create a better home environment for the child.

genericname85 · Answer

stubbornness always comes from not understanding. a child that understands can't be stubborn.
i think what this kid you described needs is a set of propper parents... or at least some very good counseling and coaching not punishment. punishment will AT BEST not change anything. it will most likely make it worse. cause if you're punished without understanding why, it's most likey that your adaption to avoid future punishment is actually a worse solution than before.

Wiredone · Answer

Try the guidance first. Sit him down and hold each one of his hands with yours in a loving way but don't let him pull his hands away to scratch his face. Make him look at you not all around. Make sure he knows what he did was wrong and you won't tolerate it. Direct him to tell an adult if someone is bothering him, don't take it upon himself to punish the person. Discuss this with him every day. When there is no incidents, give him praise. If none of this helps, advance to punishment

DaveToo · Answer

Let them know you love them, but give them boundaries. A child without boundaries will have to control.

dustybiker · Answer

Taekwondo or some other form of martial arts would benefit him a great deal. Channels the aggression, burns energy and teaches both self and the respect of others.

weysally · Answer

talk to them, and if no result don't bother with them but its the parents fault in most cases any way

AydenHazor · Answer

It sounds like there may be something else going on based on his reaction to it. These could be signs of high functioning autism and/or OCD out other things. What stands out most to be is his reaction to being confronted.

Lynx122 · Answer

Definitely needs guidance. Severe punishment is not gonna help at all.

Darksign · Answer

I had ADHD and was punished constantly which had nothing but negative effects. Guidance and understand is better in my opinion

Andres77 · Answer

Is it the same child into villains?

PeterCharie1991 · Answer

Punish them where itll hurt them, ban em from gaming etc

Msputiton · Answer

Good luck, cuhh. I don't have parenting advice.

Jerre · Answer

Mr. Loves2learn been acting up again?

msc545 · Answer

Needs a Child Psychologist

Anonymous · Answer

Put a belt on his ass.

jahaims · Answer

Sounds like a bad parent or undiagnosed autism

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