How does it feel when you see too much death of the people close to you?

[Anonymous]

I cremated my father after his death according to Hindu rituals when I was 5 years old. I remember his lifeless face, the burning smell, the sounds and visuals. I remember everything clearly. And I have seen death after death since then in my family and friends. But I have never shed tears after my first experience. Most people think I am strong minded to not flinch at the sight of blood or death but I am not. I have just buried my feelings deep somewhere. When one by one, all the people close to me passed away, I started distancing everyone. The experiences I had didn't make me stronger like other people think. It made me a coward who hides behind a strong face! How do you deal with such things?

Note: I know some people will tell me to pray to god but I am an atheist. Because I can not fathom the other possibility. If god exists, is he that cruel?

[libsaretards]

I was an athiest as well. I found God in a warzone.

God is not cruel. He loves us deeply. It is sin and the choices of man that makes life difficult. Because of sin, it is appointed that we all die once, but for believers in Christ there is paradise after this. It is also a natural consequence of sin that pain enters the world. God promises to wipe away every tear and every memory that causes pain for those who choose Jesus. God gave us free will. He would not be a loving God if we were not given a choice. The trials of this life serve to make us find out who we are and to inform our choices.

To answer the question, I grieve in the same manner as you. I do not shed tears. That is how I've always been. I still feel the pain and I do grieve, but I deal with it with Jesus. I have hope that I will see my loved ones again in Heaven. That is what prevents me from despairing over death. I have almost no family left older than me. Only 3 relatives left before I am the oldest.

[Asker]

Okay. I am curious. What sins do babies commit who die during the childbirth? And why do they not get enough time to understand Jesus? How can they choose something they have no knowledge of?

Also, isn't it ironic? God gave us free will but also an ultimatum. "You can choose whatever you want but if you don't choose Jesus, you are going to hell."

Now, about wiping our memories. I know I'm broken because of what happened in my life. But if I erase even 1 moment of it, I will be a different person. I won't be me. The person I am today is the collection of every moment of life I have lived, sad and happy. If God wipes half those memories, I will be empty. I can enjoy happiness because I know sadness. If I didn't know any sadness, I would feel happiness overrated because that would be all the time!

[Iron_Man]

Crushing a part of you dies as well. A man can only take so much on this earth before He is wiped out

[dorksided1]

I see death all the time, in healthcare. but have also lost most of my family including parents who were also cremated. I think like you I question everything, I have days where I am just numb, holidays where it is just me. I don't know I am just trying to get through this life right now.

[Agape93]

You learn to harden yourself.