Are my family being unfair?

[Magosmall06]

I got out of a abusive relationship recently and my ex has tried to sabotage certain things in my life which I’m trying to sort. I’m still grieving and dealing with the trauma, and I do all the “right” things, look after myself, spend time with people, use coping mechanisms. But there are things I struggle with and I feel like either my family just don’t understand or they may be being unfair.

They constantly say I’m selfish because I spend time with friends and not them but it’s because I feel anxious around them and that they will judge and be negative. And I really can’t cope with negativity when I’m trying to heal. My step mum invited me to her birthday celebrations and all her friends were there (don’t really know them) and they spoke their native language all the time I was there so I didn’t understand at all and felt a bit awkward.

Everyone knew I was anxious and she kept trying to get me to join for the rest of it but I just too anxious so I went home. I knew it upset her but I didn’t want to affect her night. She called me selfish and said my dad will just think I’m selfish.

Recently, they all had a day off while I was still working and booked dinner last minute and told me before I was nearly finished work. Dinner was supposed to be an hour after work and I just didn’t have time to get ready and get there. My step mum said “she’d rather do her own thing than spend time with me”. And later that day a car nearly drove into me so I told dad and he called and in the background she was making remarks saying “she isn’t interested” etc.

But if I say how I feel they say it’s all about me or that I feel “sorry for myself”. I feel really upset about it all, I’m trying my best in ways but I feel like they are shaming me because I won’t do what they want. Do I sound selfish? Or are they being unfair?

[Harleigh90]

You sound like you may have depression possibly triggered by the anxiety. Have you tried counselling? No one really understands the 'recovery' time frame from a dv relationship, tbh you never really recover, you learn to move on and strengthen yourself within. At the moment you're in a very frail state, expecting parents to understand and protect you, but in reality you have to stand up and protect yourself, start small and make steady progress. If you can sit down and have a proper conversation with your parents that may help. But book yourself in for some counselling, they will help you see past this invisible hole you're in.

[SaintsSinners]

In my opinion you are playing a victim role, it is classic. Everyone, especially people you don't like so much, are "against" you, and unfair. You see all the mistakes that they do in your opinion, but you don’t see what you do maybe wrong. Of course you also find a reason for that.
Again just my point of view.

[Magosmall06]

I understand where you are coming from, I probably came off like that as I was upset at the time. But I do admit when I’m wrong, it’s the gossiping and spreading untrue things that I don’t like as then everyone tries to get involved