Why are people so harsh and judgmental towards (biological) women who don't want kids?

Question

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

Relatively speaking, it's recent that humans have slowed our birthing rates.

And for many, birth is just part of The Expected Life Script.

Most people are raised being told "when you have kids", "when you're a parent", and "when you settle down for a family".

Family centric commercials and media are everywhere. When you hit a certain age, it doesn't matter what platforms you're on, advertising algos will target you for parenting related products based solely on your age and demographic profile.

We are constantly being marketed the idea that having kids is a standard thing. And for many people, it's what they want.

That's all. That's it. People who simply exist, who don't really put a lot of thought into their lives or what makes them happy (which is to say most people), just want what their society tells them to want. A good education, a good job, a family, two and a half kids, a dog, and a white picket fence - in the case of North America.

When people who DO consider what they want take steps to get what they want (e. g. being and staying childfree), it often triggers the people who just went along with what they thought was expected. Because the people who just obeyed the Life Script are jealous and bitter that they can't enjoy the same freedoms.

People often get jealous of others who have what they want. In the case of the childfree or childless, breeders are often jealous of the freedom and choice. Because they - the breeders - didn't take the time to consider children as what they are. Optional.

EllaNella · Accepted Answer

oh my god i love playing this game where i tell people i won't ever have children & when they start to bitch about it and tell me that it is my "biological and natural duty" (what crap by the way) i tell them it's because i'm infertile and couldn't sustain a pregnancy and watch them fold in on themselves.

no but honestly for me there are just waaaay more arguments against having children than for it. the only good reason to have a child is because you actually want to raise one. all those "but you gotta give on your genes and fulfill your biological duty" people are either deluding themselves or they will be terrible parents. why would i bring a life onto this world that i do not care about, a little human that needs love and support and couldn't get that from me because i only wanted to "further my genes".
it's insanity, really

(also there is no actual sense in evolution, no morality. life is basically a big coincidence, so not wanting to have children isn't inherently a bad thing like they claim)

mobiusforniner · Accepted Answer

For those of you who want kids, be advised after theyre born, your life revolves around them 100%. This includes spilled sippy cups, eating only kraft mac and cheese, screaming and crying at least half the day, complete reallocation of discretionary spending to clothes, toys, games, and sports; yet still being yelled at for not getting all they wanted, getting less than 5hrs total sleep a night for more than 10 years straight, never having a peaceful or relaxing moment because it is interrupted every 5 sec, being too busy or occupied to have a conversation with your partner- oh and forget about having sex- you'll try and cram that opportunity in the shower when you can hoping they dont bang on the bathroom door, repairing broken things every day...

Dont get me wrong, i do stuff with my kids all the time and I would jump in front of a train for them. But for you alls who think it will be so wonderful and fun, let me tell you, raising kids is work.

Sometimes I envy the carefree vibe of you single or kid free people. Enjoy your video gaming and hanging out with friends while you can because after that, its being bloodshot tired and surviving on coffee and disney plus. Lol

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Probably because society needs certain things to continue like heterosexual couples creating & raising kids with values that will tend to build/protect civilization instead of destructive values & some people have at least a subconscious awareness of this and feel a responsibility to continue what their ancestors built. Then you have people who believe life is all about themselves as an individual who don't want to have any responsibilities at all in life.

Now I'm not saying that I personally care if YOU decided not to have kids but on a larger scale it's a problem if too many women (or men) get that idea. It's not the only problem tho. There's a lot of problems in western society today.

letuswaltzforthedead · Answer

Women are more powerful when it comes to reproduction. A guy can bang and impregnate 20 women but those women would have to consent to the sex and to not abort the resulting baby. if one of those things happen, no child will be born. Women, being the sex with the ability to create life, also controls economies and the future of their society this way. If women chose not to have children, that will lead to depopulation in the country and a declining quality of life (you need younger generations to do stuff). If a woman is teaching children ( by homeschooling hers or as a paid teacher), she also has the ability to influence the children aka the future generation. The Taino women of the Caribbean were an example of this (occasionally women would be kidnapped by another tribe, the children would continue their mother's culture instead of the abducting tribe because the mom would be the one educating them). This is pretty much some of the reasons I can think of, although ofc there will be parents who want their childless friends to "experience the joys" they have.

erandal · Answer

If you want kids then fine, if you don't then also fine. There are consequences to every decision but as long as you are happy with them then it's all good. Some of the "you must have children" comments really annoy me, if somebody doesn't want children then it is their decision, not yours so STFU.

Also, yes some women say they don't want kids and then ten years later they want kids. That is called a biological clock and they don't all progress at the same time. In my 20's I didn't want kids, and by the time I got to 30 I did, so I did.

I also know people my age and older who never had children and they are completely fine with it.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

My sister said when she was 14 she never ever wanted to have kids.

she’s a year younger than me and still does not want kids.

i have really lost count of the number of times someone has commented either just casually or with real vitriol towards her not having kids.

I stand by her decision, it’s a personal choice and it has fuck all to do with anyone else.

There is no right or wrong and if you base it on life experience, then who really would want to bring a child in to this fucked up world.

in some 6th century countries, they even have a mother carry to full term a child, when eventually born will die in less than 28 days. Where the child will be raised in abject poverty or just dumped on the broken care system.

it’s down to choice and how a person wants to go through life, it’s a personal decision (usually).

TenderFantasy · Answer

Hmm. I don't get it. Nobody gave ME the "evil eye" when I told them I didn't have any children of my own (And I know at 38, that window is closing anyway). They pretty much just left me alone and didn't bug me about it. I only got a few questions from some relatives a while back, but who cares what they think at the end of the day. It's not their life, and I don't think they meant anything bad by it. Since that was the route most of my relatives chose, they just wanted me to experience what it was like to have those so-called blessings!

ChooChooHaha · Answer

THANK GOD for the time I live in. Plus, if people ask me if I have kids, once I answer, I ask them right back, man or woman.

Besides, I have a fundamental, consistant, strong, belief of "your person, your choice," and being a true equalist, so I refuse to be ashamed or anything for not wanting children. Same with other people in front of me and personal choices. I'll be the first person to defend another when it comes to personal choice, including having children, man or woman, personae non gratae.

DaveJord · Answer

Yeah I am not sure this is a thing, I seriously doubt it. I am mean unless you're dating a guy that wants to have kids, and you don't. I mean that is common sense and understandable... I mean in that case the guy should be to harsh about it, just move on from it... its not going to workout with him. But in general I have never met anyone that is harsh or overly judgement or negative about a women's who doesn't want kids. I think most people in general are pretty accepting and understanding.

Sure there might be a small, I am very small percentage of people out there... but who cares what they think, right?

Kaamraj · Answer

In traditional societies (still most of the world) the biggest role for a woman is still giving birth to and raising children (future of the society). So if a woman willfully rejects her supposed duty then she's looked at with suspicion. The same case with a man would be if he refuses to carry on his family business and won't get married and start a family. Marriage for men has very little benefits in the west, one benefit which is there is if the man wants children and wants to raise them in the best condition (two parent household). If again a woman doesn't want kids then it eliminates that motivation also.

ManOnFire · Answer

I hate the way people are judgmental towards both men and women who either don't want kids or don't have them period. They act like you should never complain about anything or that your life should be used up working or getting little sleep because you don't have kids.

LilyoftheLake · Answer

It's... a complicated dilemma. It kind of ties in to the Tragedy of the Commons in economics.

Essentially, most people find the extinction of the human race to be horrific, yet no one (or, more accurately, rarely) wants to have and raise children. If we're talking about the tried and true, women not having kids is giving up one of their main responsibilities.

Of course, this remains to be seen. Because if climate change/overpopulation will be the extinction... Then wouldn't it be more responsible to NOT have kids? A true dilemma.

Brammer54 · Answer

You can choose to not have any kids but please do read some stories of women who had the same mindset which they deeply regretted later in life when they were in their late 40s all alone with no family and stuck with their cats and living a miserable life.

It's a good thing to have children and you should since it makes YOU a more better and a responsible person. I understand that there are people who are not financially stable enough to raise one which is an exception I'm willing to make but to outright discourage women including ones who can raise a child is just selfish, wrong and dangerous.

marish01 · Answer

I only have issues with

1) women who get abortions

So there is nothing wrong with using protection.

2) women who constantly claim they don't want kids. It is as if they believe they hurt others for that decision.

3) women who say they hate kids. It is okay not to want to have kids but it is not okay to hate kids. Hating kids is worse than hating any other group of people.

Anonymous · Answer

I question what "people", because I don't think many are for the most part (other women tend to "judge" though). But I also view this as a case of maybe you talk too much? LOL Meaning it's nobody's business but yours if you want them or not (and your partners or anyone you're dating). So if you don't tell people, then they can't judge or give you negative opinions (and theirs don't matter either).

Pinay_ako · Answer

I don’t judge anyone who doesn’t want kids. There’s people who have kids and they hurt them and are incapable of loving them. Regardless if they birthed the kids themselves.

anon1903 · Answer

Because women aren't selfish, the society is. Even in books you'll see the main characters become extroverts from introverts because that's the sublime message — wanna live? Be like us! Plus there's all evolutionary data to back it up, and you can almost never hear enough of misogynistic crap.

Did you know that a lot of women wouldn't marry and have children if they had good careers? Or if divorce wasn't a taboo for Asian countries? Exactly — that's society for you.

I personally don't give a damn about anyone's opinion. My parents are happy to support me have a good career, a good life. A good life doesn't have to be stereotypical conservative dream.

Screenwriter · Answer

Nothing wrong with not wanting to raise kids. It's a lifelong job that you have no idea how it'll turn out! It doesn't end when the kid hits 18. You always need to be able to help your kids in any ways you can.

It takes loads of time, money and patience. If you don't want to commit to that, then you shouldn't. There are plenty of people who say they want kids and don't do much of a job of raising or taking care of them when they do.

Curmudgeon · Answer

I actually am not. However, you are 18-24. As an oldster, I know all too many women who were trying hard for them at 28-34, and actually crying because they could no longer have them at 38-44. Just saying...

Moose304 · Answer

I actually tend to go the other direction. One thing that pisses me off is when a female that is not in a position to properly take care of a child gets pregnant! I have nothing but respect for anybody male or female that choose to not bring a child into the world.

DoctorSex · Answer

Because they are perceived as unloving/unhelpful. Unwilling to pay attention to your needs as a man/possibly ignorant/ self hating.  That's the perception. Kind regards, DoctorSex

Guy13 · Answer

Either because young and dumb…don’t know better OR are blind to the fact that we are Intelligently Designed to make Form fitting (man/woman) and purposeful Relationship to procreate, spread, and rule the Land. It’s in your Making.
To say you do not want children is to lie as it is against your Design. It would be more respecting to say:
—prefer stuff to kids. —prefer this ungodly same-sex charade to making babies…. ETC.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

The only people who do that are women who want kids but can't have them, and men and women who are religious.

I don't want kids either, and I find it funny how some people are actually offended by it, so it's not just women who get judged for it.

Why are people so harsh and judgmental towards (biological) women who don't want kids?

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Why are people so harsh and judgmental towards (biological) women who don't want kids?

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