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Having children isn't a decision to take lightly. They're a huge responsibility, especially financially, and you have to make sacrifices. I don't get why some people feel the need to criticize women who choose not to have children. There are women who even have children for selfish reasons and really shouldn't be mothers at all in my opinion. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Having children is and should be an individual choice and no one should be pressured into having them.
Because misery loves company-
Just kidding (not really). Society has put it in peoples minds that it is a woman's duty to have children just because we have the ability to- which is very wrong and ignorant of people to assume. Basically peer pressure from friends, family, coworkers, social media, etc.
Not everyone wants to have kids, and to be blunt, not everyone NEEDS children, or are fit to be parents when they can barely take care of his or herself.
But because society pressures women (and men as well) into thinking that's the "norm," young women feel they have: to find a partner, get married, have a family, and have children... in order to be considered a true adult and successful and happy in life. Which most of us know that is bull.
I've made it clear from when I was mature enough to realize I didn't want children and told that to my friends and family. They laughed at me and said, "You will change your mind when you meet the right guy!" In retort I told them, "If he's supposedly the right guy, he won't want children either."
Now some of those same people look back at me and say how lucky I am not to be tied down or have kids. Irony at its finest.
Having children is not for everybody as we have seen in the news where mothers are killing their kids with increasing frequency. truly these women should not have had kids. I'm sure most people who don't want kids have thought it out for what is right for them. Raising a kid from infancy to age 18 can cost up to $350,000. If you are an entitled kid of the rich make that $20 million. People without kids are free to do what they want, such as traveling and spending money on things other than diapers. The only caveat is not having anyone to look after you when you get old and can't care for yourself, or anyone to leave your money to.
Opinion
42Opinion
I agree with everything you wrote. That said, most women who choose not to have children DEEPLY regret it later in life, when they are older and alone and have no one to share their lives with, or to help them and look out for them in their old age or if they get sick. Imagine being alone and getting a cancer diagnosis, or needing dialysis 3 times a week.
A lot of women have trouble seeing past their 20s, when life is fun and easy and everyone wants her around, to what things are going to be like at 35 or 40. It's the women that age, who either don't have kids or are friends with women who don't have kids and have to listen to their regrets and depression, who are the ones doing most of that criticizing, and they have good reasons for doing so.
Again, that doesn't make anything you wrote any less true, but it also means that you REALLY need to prepare to live your life alone, and be prepared for everything that means.
Financially alone, this means having enough savings to retire. Today, in 2022, the average American needs over $2M saved to get through their retirement. If you retire at 65, and die at 85, you need to have enough money to pay for 20 years of expenses with no other income. Remember that your health will decline and that health care is likely to be your biggest expense. If you need a part-time nurse, that's $3000 a month today, and living in an assisted living place is $6000-way up per month. You won't have a family to live with or take care of you, so you need to be able to buy that care.
It's also the case that the least happy segment of the population is single childless woman in their 40s and 50s, who are also the most medicated.
If you choose not to have children, you will need to prepare for these things and others. You can do it successfully, but it's more work than you may realize, especially if you don't start working on it early.
I saw one of your comments and figured I'd try to point this out to you since a lot of people with no kids obviously lack experience in what it's like becoming a parent.
I honestly recommend that people keep an open mind about having kids just to leave it on chance. The reason I say this is because everyone who has not had a child are usually 99% childless full of assumptions. To understand if you would want to be a parent you need to actually be one. It's a whole different kind of world and also different kind of growth. So no you don't have to freaking hop a man this second and have kids just allow the door to be slightly open just for possibility because your judging something you can not comprehend.
Your kids will not be like the kids of you brothers, cousins, friends, or family. They will literally be a little you and what I truly recommend is you work on yourself and your flaws before becoming a parent because they will become who ever you are or will become throughout thier life. The rest is up to you and know there is no specific time that is best simply take a chance to prepare for the possibility as much as you can because anyone can be well off then not.
Have some more respect for people as well as yourself. Reaching out for help is not a bad thing, to help others survive is not something to criticize nor judge.
One thing i’ve always said about feminism is that it SHOULD be about empowering women to make their own choices, freed entirely from societal expectations and the consequences that sometimes go along with them. In the USA in 2022, the REAL feminists are the ones who want to be stay at home moms when all the mouthpieces tell them “empowerment” is working for a living and making as much as a man. Or they’re choosing to NOT get married and have kids while the mouthpieces tell them that “strong women can have it all”.
Ell oh ell!
Not only is feminism NOT doing what men tell you to do and doing what men tell you what NOT to do, it’s not doing what women tell you and doing what women tell you not to do. Feminism is about the right to make up your own GD mind about what to do or what not to do. Feminism should ALSO be living with the consequences of making the wrong choice. Unfortunately, they left that part out. Or maybe fortunately, i guess. Depending on which side of that debate you land on. Ell oh ell!
I think people who believe all women and men should have children are ignorant. Not everyone is fit to be a parent, and trying to force the idea that they "should" to be happy or whatever is ridiculous. If people don't wanna be parents, then just let them not be parents. I'm so tired of hearing about kids growing up in toxic homes, being depressed, abused, neglected, murdered, etc because people who shouldn't be having kids to begin with chose to have them and bring them into a situation that they shouldn't be brought into.
I think it's because women's fertile years are more limited than a man's - I do understand the thing about a man's lower sperm quality too though.
Having kids is so common too, so anyone who kind of goes against the norm would probably get called out too.
There's also the idea that one will regret it in the when they didn't have any and are past their fertile years, but for this reason, I think it's because it's easier for someone past their fertile years to come out and say they regret NOT having them, compared to someone generally admitting they regret having them, because there's a big social stigma about the latter and it can imply they hate their kids.
Ultimately, people can do what they want and as someone who doesn't have or want kids himself, I'm not here to call any woman out for her decision not to breed.
It's societal and biological thing. Most people reproduce and want to reproduce, when someone says they don't want to take part in that it throws them off. Also men and other women want women to have children cause it helps keep the population stable and give them and their offspring to meet a mate in the future, thus carrying on their legacy. The response is simply to keep ones species alive. Also, rlueve it or not, there are women who do regret not having kids.. sometimes.
I know women hate hearing that but it's true. There are women who will never regret having them and there will be women who will regret not having children. It's possible cause people can change their minds, I said I wasn't going to have a kid. I was on the fence going back forth over it, now I'm pregnant and can't wait to see my baby when she's born.
This topic is really off in whatever situation.
First, no one has the right to question any woman on why she doesn't have any children.
Second, every woman has the right to choose for herself, whether she wants to have one or not, on where, when, why or how. You don't get to ask her. She'll share if she wants to.
Third, there are many reasons why some women don't have kids. Maybe by choice, health issues, life situation or whatsoever. They don't have to explain themselves. Why do you even care? If you're a man, come back to me and ask me about it if you experience to be a real woman even once. If you're a woman. Let's just respect each other.
I agree with you, people tend to judge who doesn't have children as less responsible or less worried about the future, based on maybe a brain mechanism of survival of the species that was carried on along the generations, a basic animal instinct. Also still a notion that the main function of women is to give birth babies. To those who want to have children, great. To those who don't want, great too, it's a personal choice and, to think about, if someone who doesn't want to have children is persuaded to have, the damage to society in the future might be very negative, while if they didn't have, the impact would probably be minimal
I don't care and I don't criticize. It's their choice.
People who don't have kids are very likely to have a lonely life in isolation when they're old and weak. But who am I to tell them their decision is wrong?
In my experince, people who dislike kids (not necessarily those who dislike "having" kids) are generally crappy and negative, usually very pessimistic, cynical, and just not pleasant to be around. These people will most likely neglect their kids, if they have any, and generally have a higher potential to be shit parents.
In return, their children will shit on them and neglect them when they are old and weak.
Having kids won't make any difference in their crappy attitude or miserable old years. Why then, have kids?
Get pets and save for an elderly home.
4 of my sisters and my mother believe that everyone should have children, which is something that I think it's wrong. Just like you I agree that it's an huge responsibility and in most cases is a personal choice.
I guess some people criticize women who choose to not have children or who can't have children because we live in a world where women are still seen mostly as mothers. That's the same reason why some people criticize women who put their careers first and understand that they don't want to have kids.
So here’s a few things
Through history it’s been a woman’s job to be a home maker so some of that still exists
Secondly people like continuing their bloodline like they come from some dukedom or something
Third somebody has to get knocked up for humanity to survive and as a man I’m fairly certain I’d be bad at it
Fourth people like children Especially old people
Fith women only have a certain amount of time to get pregnant before they lose the ability all together and sometimes people regret not having kids
Sixth it’s not exactly rare for women to have kids or at least want to have kids
I’m sure theirs more but I’m tired and having acid reflux
I don't know, and it's not something to worry about. As an elected official, I can say I actually find most bothersome numerous families, because they often claim State money.
I prefer childless families, especially if they can't afford children - whoever can't support their own children should not be allowed to have any.
I dont think those people understand not everyone thinks the same. Some women are wired to want children since forever, other women aren't. Some women just dont want children, at all. And they don't understand that. If you want children, go off and have as many as you can FOR YOURSELF and if you don't then don't.
A lot of people (usually hardcore conservatives lets be real) still think the womens role in society is to stay at home bear children and raise them while the husband works. They still refuse to get with the times
Yeah and this is both men AND women who share this idea by the way. Yes even a lot of women still think this way too.
It's literally going against nature for women not to want kids and having no maternal instincts. I personally think these women are stupid and gonna regret their choices later in life but that's not something I'd ever say directly at them. (Obviously I'm saying here cuz it's the question and it's how I feel but not something I'd tell them cuz everyone has the right to make choices for themselves.)
I agree with your post sentence by sentence!
I've never understood why some people criticize women who don't want children. The first time that I heard that those women are "selfish" I didn't get it at all. Selfish towards what? The child they never had?
And like you say, there are women who have children for selfish reasons.
I'm going to get married when I meet 'the one' or simply someone who makes me feel welcome, but please no children if allowed, I don't want to go through the pain of pregnancy with high risk on my life and the possibility of postpartum desperation.
Having to bear a child will change my body and take a toll in my daily life.
On another account I'm definitely adopting regardless whether I'll change my mind or not about pregnancy.
Lots of people follow The Life Script, and just do as society tells them without really thinking it through.
When someone breaks that cycle, people who never put thought into their own needs and wants get salty that others have put that thought in.
I’m 25 & now have baby fever. I’m settled down in life & feel empty , I want start my family. But I’m not ready financially yet that’s y I plan save money this year and next year I’ll be more ready money wise. also I feel like a little girl as I’m not walking around with a baby stroller. I don’t feel like a women. When I go to the store all women have baby & it makes me feel like I’m not a women I feel like a child when I’m not.
#Childfree is more of a thing nowadays, they have seen their parents and friends get locked down by children and feel like they can't reach all their goals. I
It's funny to watch people in this world complain why isn't this generation replacing enough.
they critisize women and anyone who doesn't want to have children for that matter. For the same reason that they critisize those who don't "discipline" their kids by hitting their butts. They need company in their misery, or at least to feel better about themselves.
I guess those people can't stand or dont even understand those who dont want what they want. Raising a family is the biggest decision in a relationship and in life. Its more than a traditional ritual like marriage. Its more than a job or a stock exchange.
Maybe those who have children are jealous of your independence and want to be assured they made the right decision of birthing more meat sacks onto this miserable rock of toil and suffering 🌍
I have dated several women who never had children. They never regretted it. In fact, they were in great shape in their seventies and enjoyed very active sex lives, travel and lots of fun hobbies.
u As @SmokinAces2000 said, the people who criticise the women who don’t want kids, are the same people who believe a woman’s only purpose is popping out babies and raising them.
My personal experience with my girlfriend is that this criticizes is self manifestation.
We have had several incident that she felt was a attack on her for not having children or not being married but no one questioned or otherwise made any comment regarding these choices.
I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, just not the norma.
They don't.
They are really just criticizing your decision not to have children with them, or people like them, is all.
Don't look too much into it, kiddo.
because if everyone did that, humanity would cease to exist and every species seems to want to continue existing. why? cause they wouldn't exist anymore if they didn't.
@_deeznuts im not talking to people that call me a dumbass.
Who cares if they Decide to crumble And have kids from
The social pressure then they Wanted kids. Nobody can make anybody do anything unless they already at some level want to do something.
I never understood that. I’ve never wanted children and I receive the most criticism I feel like the mothers who criticize other women who choose not to have children are bitter and miserable…
They think it's required to be happy, to be a full woman
No matter what someone does or does not do, there will be critics, so do what you think or know is right.
I wonder how many young women now say they don't want kids only to have serious regret about it 20-25 years down the line. I hope it's really what you want because the loneliness you'll likely feel later on isn't gonna be your friend.
What a disgusting and ignorant thing to say. First of all, who’s to say you’re child (ren) will be your friend or even be keeping you company when you get older. Secondly with the large amount of kiddos in poverty and foster care, it’s a noble thing for someone to admit they are not fit to be a parent before they produce a child. I wish people who thought like you could be put on a separate island away from society.
Whatever you say. If you think so, I hope it holds up. However I will point out that your hostility shows you have underlying issues. Recommend you seek out a therapist.
I'm being hostile by stating my opinion and this busybody comes along to tell me how "disgusting and ignorant" my opinion is? And you act like an apologist for that kind of nasty rebutal? Lol ok.
And just to point out, I never said OP was right or wrong, only wondering if they'll be ok with their decision. I honestly don't care either way.
It is a choice to have kids according to me, so I cannot let peer pressure to be in the driving sit of my life. My life my choices so when it comes to having kids I will have them wen I feel like it is the time period.
Good for you
You are not validating their decisions and on some level they are jealpus of your status. Also they are not validating your decisions and on some level you may be jealous of them.
And you should not be because they are criticized by some who think they have children for selfish reasons or that they are not fit to be mothers.
Because these are the people that think all women are good for is giving birth and raising kids
I believe people shouldn't criticize or judge those who don't wish to be parents but this happens or those who wish not to have children.
Because they are miserable about their own choices and want everyone to suffer the same fate
It's greed because without kids working in the system the social security goes to pot because it's demands long outstrip its provided value
I do not know. If you don't want kids, that is ok. You owe nobody an explanation and they are not entitled to have what you do not want to give.
You don't have to have children. The reason some say that you might regret it is that there are women who didn't have children come out and said that they did regret it.
You're right, but people don't think like you, they just think it's nice to have kids and it's necessary. so they judge other people accordingly. but this is the wrong attitude.
I love your question. I don’t even know how to answer that to be honest because I was wondering the same thing. Children are a huge responsibility. I don’t want any, but I’m not against people that do either. 😊
Some people are just stupid ass hats, that's why.
We were made to bear a man's children, it's not our place to say we're too good for the fate God designed us for
Wouldn't know cuz most guys usely dont think that way
Misery loves company
Because people mistake lack of responsibility as laziness, or enjoyment of life as selfishness
Same reason why some people criticizes men who dont have children
The people who persuade you to have children care more about your social value instead of you. Just do you want to do.
Society can't accept somebody who's different and happy
It's a good thing that their opinion dosen't matter.
Have kids when your ready. Ignore what others say, the end.
Why do so many women criticize men who don't want to be fathers?
Ask THEM.
I Hate Seeing Anything About Pregnancy, Birth, And Babies. #NOBUMP
They may like to judge and not be judged.
Thanks for like! Tho I like your point of view too. It's not an easy task. Financially, emotionally. In every aspect and manners.
It definitely isn't. I'm not even sure I want any children. I played with my second cousin who is 4 years old when I spent almost a week at my grandpa's house and he was demanding a lot of my time and attention. I wanted to continue watching a show I started or I just wanted to sit down and relax but he still wanted me to play with him and he kept following me around all the time. I love him but he's a handful.
Got it.
People are just so hateful.
I don’t really know, a great question
People literally criticize anything...
Ignore the bantering of small minds.
Immaturity.
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