How can I stop being so jealous of women with flat/toned bellies especially tiny, petite women?

Question

I’ve always been a big girl, tall and never been thin. I’ve always been chubby growing up. Most kids were smaller than her and I was a head taller than other students. I’ve been trying to lose weight but I always fail. I always gain the weight back. When I see women that are fit or with flat bellies and crop tops I get so jealous. Like how? I’ve always have a flabby belly. Boys never had crushes on me because I was that “big girl” or “tall girl” that no boy wanted to go to the dance with, even how dolled up I tried to get myself to be. I was already 5’11” by 13. Guys that like me I never liked them but guys I like always liked the prettier girls or slimmer girls or curvy girls with healthy weight. The heaviest I’ve been was 267lbs but nobody believed I was that heavy and I didn’t need to lose weight. Seriously? 267 is obese! Most of my family don’t agree with my weight loss because I’m tall and tall girls are expected to weigh more and I’m not fat. Bitch I’m a size 22/24W in pants and I’m shirts XXL. I lost 50 pounds and I was told I’m getting too skinny and then I gained the weight back, well some of it due to depression. People say I’m too big and I need to lose weight but some say I look good and I’m just curvy. One guy said I look so good for 240lbs and 5’11”. I don’t think I’ll ever be thin or have have a flat belly. Not too flat but still. I am large built (wide). My doctor said the best weight for me would be 180-187lbs or even 190lbs. She said because of my large bone structure I’m not built to have a slender built. 190 is too heavy.
I have a cousin who’s 5’9 but she’s slender built and medium/small built but nobody says she’s too thin but why do I get criticized for trying to be.

AaronKrieger · Accepted Answer

1. Own it that you're fat . Start habits that create a better mentality, since you'd be surprised how much our habits impact our mental health and overall view of the world.  -  Stop wearing clothes that hide your body or height.  Confidence is attractive even you're faking it, since others cannot tell and it leads to a better fashion style too not hiding your body. Also, it gets your mind gradually normalizing not hiding your body, which makes you more comfortable with it.   -  Talk positively about your body in front of others and to yourself.  I do not mean blind positivity, but instead where you can say your body is beautiful while objectively knowing it's unhealthy) 2. Control your influences in your life, so that can include family . If they are telling you to not lose weight, then tell them to stop because being at your weight is bad for your health. Set boundaries. I'd start telling yourself too that you losing weight for your health and not looks, which might make them stop. Also, you'll start believing it. 3. Make working out or eating healthier rewarding, so try to make it fun or goal oriented that doesn't have to do purely with weight . Having a negative motivations such as "I want to look better" isn't always strong enough to be consistent with doing hard things. People like doing things they enjoy, so adding a fun element will help. For a lot of people improving how they feel physically like getting stronger or running longer is what makes it addictive. So focus on how you feel instead of how you look. 4. Try to remind yourself that you'll still be insecure even if you were skinny with a flat stomach . So the overall goal is to improve your mentality towards your body, then other improvements will come with it. The brain is simple in what influences it, so control those influences. Anyway, those are my thoughts and it's not motivated by some body positive movement bullshit.  I just believe people should prioritize how their functionality: physical health, but mental health as well - how you see yourself. Getting fit can help both, but only temporarily, as your body worsens with age, so tackling your confidence early on is best.  Also, you'll be a positive role model for others especially if you become a mother one day, since your mindset will impact your own kid's one about their body.

DarkWinterNights · Accepted Answer

“Big boned” isn’t a thing. You can have genetics or medical conditions that can cause you to gain weight more than people, but most of the time it’s sedimentary lifestyles and poor eating habits that get most of us. If you’re depressed and you want to lose weight, stop listening to the people telling you you’re fine. A lot of people won’t be honest to your face for various reasons. You can still love your body but want to make positive changes. A personal trainer or a partner that’s into fitness can help you get over the initial difficulty in creating new habits, but you’re the only one who can control your life.

Sunnybeach123 · Answer

I think big is attractive, and other guys think so too.

Anonymous · Answer

I'll take you over a small petite woman who probably looks immature and childish.

How can I stop being so jealous of women with flat/toned bellies especially tiny, petite women?

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