It is weird to call your parents by their first name?

Question

Here is somewhat weird, although it's something I've always done - for a period I even called by my mother by her surname, since I had taken my father's and wanted to make clear the difference between me and her. I find the words "mom" and "dad" weird, and I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with my children calling me "dad".

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

It is unusual and unorthodox. Most families don't do this, but some do. I know it's unfathomable for some, but instead of those people judging others for things like being "disrespectful" they should instead at least attempt to comprehend just how different some families are. Not everyone is raised behind idyllic, white picket fences. And it is not always the child who first comes up with this.

I could write several long paragraphs about the complicated history and dynamics of my family and the atypical monikers that were used, but it would reveal too much, and as open as I sometimes am amongst friends, there's really no point in revealing this for public consumption, to be forever posted in the world wide web. However, without this it's difficult to say why I intimately understand your question. So I guess I'll just say that if the people in your family are all right with it, then by all means carry on. It's not for anyone else to say "tsk tsk, how dare you" or any such thing. They can just sit back and feel happy that their family structure was... easier.

If I was redesigning civilization for as long as we humans as a species are going to be around (and not kill each other with one atomic bomb, etc.) I'd decree everyone be called by their first names. I asked one set of grandparents, and my in-law parents about this, and they both gave a firm "no" and went with the traditional and typical "grandpa and grandma" and "dad and mom." I respected their wishes, but I like a first name, personally; especially once we are all adults. I believe elders like to hold onto these words because it keeps them at the top of the hierarchy, showing the most respect, kind of like, "I created you, and don't you forget it", but at a certain point, do we not all deserve each other's respect? My immediate family still has a hard time calling me by my birth name on the certificate (which I went full tilt on, when I became a teenager), and not the more casual slang term which was used in my childhood. Names stick. And some don't even honour them when you specifically tell them what your name is. I don't like generic terms, in pretty much any context, not even in family. I know I don't fall in line with the majority on this thinking either, but that's okay. I can go along with a standard, a majority vote, if others feel very strongly about something, but when two people are okay with going off script, I'm much more interested in that, if it is more suitable or apt, in some symbolic or practical purpose.

Ez-Bri-Z_v2 · Accepted Answer

My parents insist on it but it weirds me out to use it and I don't expect it from my kids when addressing me. In fact when they do say mommy Bri I always reply with son/daughter and their name just because it's just as weird to them for me to use that.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

in here is very weird and it is disrespectful as well...

and it is disrespectful because the custom is to address to older people with respect and with that consideration and well, the first ones should be your parents, your grandparents, the ones closer to you

and it is also disrespectful because it would be very inconsiderate for you to be the one only doing it so, most people do it the "traditional" way and that's how it feels best, so when you decide that you're just going to consider yourself an equal or better than others you could just make things awkward for the others and you can even offend some of them, so it just brings all kind of bad vibes into the room and the situation... lol
and in being this "disrespectful" it can also cause some scenes that are just not nice for everyone involved and that would be kind of unnecessary as well, if you just did what's traditional

now, there's the other part as well, because it is not an strict rule... and not every family or person will do this, it is very common to see families and people who are absolutely comfortable with addressing themselves by their first names or some nicknames and they prefer it that way... and when that happens, you can usually tell that these are very close families and very comfortable with each other and they just don't care about it

so... it all goes down to the intention and familiarity and the way you want to socialize with those that are close to you, some have it better... and some others just don't

for example, in what you explained with your post, the part where you say " wanted to make clear the difference between me and her " that just sounds very disrespectful, or resentful and a few other things I could assume but they all seem to be very negative, which of course is not a good thing, at least not in here in which families tend to stay more close and together to one another so of course you try to make it as less as confrontational as possible... lmao

personally, I've never been disrespectful or negative like that towards my parents, because I don't need to be... and I was never that close and affectionate to be comfortable calling them by their name, so that's two reason why I do not do it

as for me getting older, and very young people addressing me... I don't like when they do it, I want them to call me by my name and I want them to have that trust and familiarity with me and, that's what most will do... lol

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

It would be very weird to call my mom by her given name. My father and I had the same name so calling him "OlderAndWiser" would have been weird, too! :) :) :)

Blackcosmo · Answer

I don't call them by their real names. I just call them by special nicknames or like abbreviations of their real name. This is also how I address my other family members ex. uncles, aunts, grandma and grandpa.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

My dads name is very easy to say but his Chinese name requires my work to pronounce so I prefer to call him by his English name which he uses professionally and legally when dealing with people outside his cultural circle.

_deeznuts · Answer

yeah lol calling elders mrs and mr and parents mom/dad is a way of showing respect and understanding that you aren't at the same level as them

Flower7 · Answer

Yes, in the United States, that’s VERY unusual. Most parents here even consider that to be disrespectful.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Pretty much.

Vendela · Answer

Yes that's extremely weird. I would only do that if I had a terrible relationship with my parents.

Lyndsielee666 · Answer

I call my mother by her name because that’s all she ever was to me. Just a name I’d rather not even know.

Lucy68 · Answer

I call my mom by her first name sometimes but I also call her either mom or ma

KatherineJ · Answer

Yes, at least in my family. If I would have called my parents by their names I wouldn’t have seen the light of day for a very long time.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Yes and extremely disrespectful to your parents.

It is weird to call your parents by their first name?

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