Can you support the decision of your child getting a job in future and moving out instead of getting married?

[fonduegirl]

people who dont have and won't have kids are not applicable to this

people who haven't had kids can answer hypothetically

and people with children... please be honest here. in india if you do this, you're either under depression or are an automatic s1ut

ps. I'm a little sick. Sorry to anyone who feels ghosted. I'm pretty sure your message has been read... By my brother. He reads my stuff but he never replies (boundaries amirite).

Updates

+1 y

I forgot to add your kid in this scenario never ever wants to get married

[TomBham]

Yes, I would support it.

Otherwise there is huge chance that s/he will do it behind my back and would stop communicating with me...

In general I see nothing wrong in moving out and never marrying and/or having no kids for both him or her...

Obviously finances would need to be reviewed realistically before moving out (I would not want to pay for all that) and s/he would need to be legal age or it.

I live in UK, have no kids, but would not mind having them with right woman.

[midnightmoon05]

To answer your question, in this culture…that’s how it works… everyone grow up, get, a job, move out. Then get married. So I can support that.
At the same time. I encourage my daughter to not wait too long. We have these discussions that it’s best to get married around 28-30 for girls.
boys…same…but if he Waite till 32-35. That’s okay.
we don’t pressure…we discuss the results of late marriages.
in face it’s my own two little ones who come up with these plans…they didn’t like that we had them when I was 33 - and 35.
so they want to be younger and financially ready.

[acooke-13]

I don't have kids, however I will support whatever they chose to do. If they don't want to ever get married, of course i'd be disappointed, but at the end of the day it' their life to live not mine. I'm 25 and quit my job, sold my stuff and came to Australia to travel, my mam was so supportive and excited for me! She wants me to see the world before settling down.

[Smoothing]

Absolutely, once my child has finished university and got his/herself a job, he /she is free to move out if he/she wishes to. I would go as far as supporting her every step of the way. And icwould be willing to also pay for the deposit and first month rent and he/she can continue from there.

All I ask is that, if he/she has any problems, he/she knows where to run to.

[menina]

Absolutely! Not everyone wants to get married, and they shouldn't do it if they don't want to. People should never be forced to marry.

Besides if they're working they're able to pay their bills and be responsible for themselves. Also, if they're adults they can do whatever they want with their lives as long as they're not hurting themselves nor others.

[stark04]

Well, my parents never had a problem with my sister and I moving out when we got our jobs and I don't think I will have any problem with my kids too. I know lots of Indian people studying and working around me with parents living in india and they are not depressed or sluts.

[Kayla45]

I'd support anything they want to do, as long as they don't hurt anybody or cause any legal trouble. If they wanna move out and be on their own, more power to them.

[Pudsmucker]

I had my children look for employment while is high school. The love the money. The payed for the gas for the car they drove, bought clothing. When the were at university they paid for their books, food, and rent.

Today they are doing that same thing with their own children.

When they earn their own keep life is better.

[rosemilk]

of course i would support them. if they can do it, i'd say go for it! more opportunity than i ever had...

[Stevefiveo]

Absolutely but the culture is different here (America) than India.

[fonduegirl]

Yea I know

[Stevefiveo]

Would you stay in India? Or move to another country where that was ok?

[fonduegirl]

I'd wanna move but the payment line sucks here so I'd have to work at least a decade before I can afford a life there

[Stevefiveo]

Oh, where is there? America?

[fonduegirl]

Yes America. Although the abortion laws are a bit sucky there.

[Stevefiveo]

It depends what state you live in. There are 50 of them. Just check the state laws before you pick a place.

[fonduegirl]

Okay. Thanks.

[Stevefiveo]

Welcome. At least you will have one friend when you move to America. ;)

[fonduegirl]

Thanks, Steve

[Stevefiveo]

You're welcome. Anon? You can message me your name. :)

[Smashingdoozy]

I'm never planning on getting married so it would be weird of me to expect my kids to

[Sandeeppingping]

That'd be brilliant, I'll send him when he's 8 to China

[Deepinthought345]

I've never put marriage as a life goal for my child. I would like her to be more independent, get a job and move out. Marriage is her decision

[art84]

If I had a kid and they wanted to move out and get a job then do it. Who am I to tell them what to do with their life.

[Sparkie460]

Yes I would support my child. I'm not going to force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. If he's an adult it's his choice

[the_sinner]

I’d partially support it. As the primary caregiver it’s my job to make sure my child doesn’t take any rash and half-thought decision. I’d weigh the pros and cons before giving a final feedback.

[TacosRAwesome]

Of course. It's kinda more secure than a partner.

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol. They're mutually exclusive?

[TacosRAwesome]

@Jamie05rhs no of course not. It's best to do both.

[Jamie05rhs]

@TacosRAwesome Okay; I agree. 😊

[Staximus]

If I had a kid, I would want to them to be Independent and not have to depend on anybody

[nawtee_me]

I have kids and if they don’t want to get married I am okay with that and if they want to move out I will help them pack….

[HippieVeganJewslim]

I don’t know if I could financially support, but I’m for the idea.

[redskulldangerzone64]

I would and I won't be giving my parents grandkids I will get married but I will not be giving my parents the luxory of becoming grandparents

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

A 100%. Just some conditions though. Normal ones. Not those hindering ones.

[BCRanger10]

I would certainly hope that my son will get a job and move out before he gets married.

[AngryCarl]

Of course, the sooner they move out the better. As long as they have somewhere to go.

[Jaggermoves12655]

I don't care, that's not my life that's theirs

[Guardian45]

EVERY CHILD SHOULD get a job and move out BEFORE getting married!

[pizzalovershouse]

Yes why not they still have time for kids till age 40 a girl

[fonduegirl]

What if they don't want a family

[pizzalovershouse]

Then you tell them before being with them an point out they won't change mind

[Jamie05rhs]

Haha of course! That's what I did!

[fonduegirl]

You're my role model, bro.

[Jamie05rhs]

Aww; thanks! 😃

[Jamie05rhs]

And re: update: If they don't want to get married, I have absolutely no problem with that. No one should be pressured to get married if they don't want to.

[midnightmoon05]

What would you say or do when you are around 60/70 years old. Your kid who is around 40-50 years old still single? Living alone.
Goes to work, home. Work, home. All their friends married with kids… they come see you from time to time.
I should ask this question or someone should 😝

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 people have different priorities. If you were trying to make a joke, congratulations, you failed. :/

[midnightmoon05]

You didn’t answer my question.

[midnightmoon05]

My first boyfriend was at 19 in college. He is Indian. I am not. We couldn’t be together because his family have plans for him and his siblings for arranged marriage. I saw him 15 years. later after married and with my first baby. He was still single around 35 years. old and living alone. I also work with a lot of Indian people. I understand their culture well enough to know where you are coming from.

We all make choices in life. I respect those who are independent and are decisive.

All our choices…come with consequences…

So I jumped ahead…and asking a question…how would you face the consequences.

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903

[fonduegirl]

Once again, people have different priorities. We're all different. Free will exists.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 and as for your earlier question — if you want a kid just so you aren't lonely when you get old, then don't have one. That's not a good reason. You should have a kid because you want a family, not free nurse for senior citizens.

[fonduegirl]

And just so we're clear, free will exists in the child's case too. Many children I've seen who DON'T LOOK AFTER THEIR FOLKS and there's not much you can do about it

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903 I think she was talking about having a partner, not a child.

[fonduegirl]

It doesn't change much. Divorce is an option too. Finding a good partner is as rare as winning a lottery... It doesn't happen as often as people like.

[midnightmoon05]

With negative attitudes will have negative outcomes.
At 21, I felt the same about freedom and making my own decisions but I always wanted to have a partner to enjoy life with.
You mentioned priorities a few times…what are your goals for
1. 20s -
2. 30s
4. 40s -
5. 50s
6. 60s.

I am curious about young peoples porioeties.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05

In 20s, I want to study as much as ican while finding a good part time job, or other means to make money. Since I live with my parents, I'd be able to put that money aside and save it for a future house.

In 30s, I might start dating if I've steady income. I'd wanna invest my hours into doing something creative, maybe start up something with my brother who would be old enough by then. 100% independence is the goal.

In 40s, if I don't find something to invest my savings in, I'd want to devote my time and money to funding books, so people can read for free like I did as a teen. Nowadays, libraries are dying so I'd want to do something about that too.

In 50s, I'd do everything I was scared of like buying a goldfish or starting my very own quirky podcast.

I don't have anything against romantic love, but if I don't find it, that's fine. My books are my world. I'd wanna buy pretty, aesthetic things and built shelves for many, many books to come.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 I don't have anything planned for 60s but I might travel if I have money left. Frankly, I don't expect to live that long.

[midnightmoon05]

Those are inspirational plans/dreams. I wish you the best.
We all continue to grow, learn, adapt to the ever changing society.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 whatever

[midnightmoon05]

Good luck to you young lady…
No matter how smart or how beautiful outside…it’s the inside that counts forever.
That’s why I teach my daughter.

[fonduegirl]

@midnightmoon05 Why are you still here

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903 It isn't necessary to be rude like that.

[fonduegirl]

Don't care

[Twalli]

If I have a kid they can choose whether or not they want marraige or a job first.

[Nikki1989]

They would have my full support.

[SmokinAces2000]

Of course I want my child to get a job

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

I'm 33 and I don't want marriage

[DavidRaul]

Yes i will support them no matter what

[shortster]

I would be disappointed if they never got married.

[Debbie14217]

yes i would

[eagle1951]

not only would i am with 2 daughters

[Charliefretz329]

Of course that’s ok

[Kelly6]

Yes.

[anton_dee]

Yes of course

[jimmy2]

Yes and I did