Is my anger towards my mother justified?

[Anonymous]

I've haven't spoken to her since Dec 2021. She's trying to reach me but I'm still too hurt. I consider what she did unexcusable. I'm having a hard time forgiving.

She has always gotten upset for trivial things, blown things out of proportion (ex: if you were to tell her that she dances in a unique way, she starts crying, thinking you hate her and refuses to talk to you) and goes into the ''not talking to you for a week or so'' if someone doesn't apologizes first, even if it wasn't your fault at all. She likely has borderline personality disorder; I don't know.

Flashback to last year:

Well her pride, getting upset with me for something stupid and refusing to talk to me... made her purposely miss my special day. All my family members (my father and everyone else) and friends were there, everyone but her. I needed her to be present on the most important day of my life. By not showing up, it's like she refused me, she rejected me. For me, I felt it a rejection of the highest level ever, as way ''I don't love nor care about you'' at all. I don't even believe in her previous ''I love you'' words anymore. I'm still hurt. Is my anger justified?

Yes

No

Updates

1 y

She knew very well that was my day and refused to come. That's the only time I've ever gotten this upset with her.

Updates

1 y

I was happy and sad at my day, feeling both feelings at the same time.

[Mynameisbobby]

Yes your anger is justified. Sorry she hurt you.

[Asker]

It makes me think she cares more about her own ego/pride and being right than me. I don't trust her anymore. Mothers are suppose to be there for you regardless of arguments, have your back, be supportive. She won't even apologize either and expects me to just sweep it under the rug and go on as if nothing happened.
Something big did happen. It was my wedding she purposely missed.

[flautistnaturist]

In the end, even undeserved kindness from first person perspective toward others, is the only truly sound investment in life itself. It is written, "True Godly Love keeps no account of wrongs received." By full maturity as a human, really all that matters is just how specifically is best for us to Love others. How the treatment is that comes to us need be less of a mature human's concern beyond simply insisting on enough respect for the process to still permit us to Love that which sustains us all and the one who happens to be nearest us, at any given time. Outgoing Love for its own sake is the mark of human maturity, not insistence on any standard of Loving behavior toward us. [spiritually speaking] Anger justified or not, the opportunity to Love even along with being angry, is really what shouldn't be missed as the true value in life.

[RavVid]

I assume she deliberately skipped your wedding. And I think you are right to be angry about it. She's the mom and it seem she was childishly petty.

The big question though is are you hurting yourself more carrying the anger?

[Anonymous]

You special day like a wedding?

[Asker]

Yes. She was so happy for me and was doing all the prepration but two days before the wedding, we had an argument. Well she started the argument over something stupid and wouldn't drop it. Then she didn't show up. By the time she wasn't upset anymore, it had passed nearly 2 weeks since the wedding... she purposely missed it.

[Asker]

I don't think I can forgive that.

[Asker]

I felt both happiness and sadness. I didn't think she had the guts to ruin my wedding, to suddenly not show up on purpose. Then she expects me to talk to her as if nothing happened, to just forget about it. I'm upset.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh man, that is definitely a huge deal. Personally I don’t blame you at all for feeling how you do because she missed someone so important all because she couldn’t put her emotions to the side. If you don’t talk to her, you shouldn’t feel too bad because this is justified hurt. But if you do decide to give her another chance, then set boundaries and keep her at a distance. Demand the opportunity to tell her how she hurt you and that the only way to have a relationship again is if she works on herself or seeks help. She very clearly has a very victim/childish way of handling confrontation or negativities, so I wouldn’t even engage.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, don’t let her actions be what “ruined” your day. Yes she’s your mom and what she did Is hard to forgive, but when you look back on that day you should think of all the beautiful moments. Think of everyone else who was there that loved you and how special those memories have the potential to be. I think it’s more of a burden on your heart to say your day was ruined because she no-showed. Don’t allow her to take that from you, and instead look at it like “she missed a very special day, and that’s her burden to bear, not mine”.

[Asker]

She hasn't even apologized. Nothing. She expects me to just sweep it under the rug. That only further pisses me off.

[Opinion Owner]

I really wanna give her benefit of the doubt and hope she’d plan to say sorry if you gave her the chance to have a conversation. But you know her best, so if you think she has no desire to apologize then you’re probably better off not talking. I fully believe in protecting your peace of mind and cutting off toxic people, even family. As a mom, if there’s no one else she’d put her ego to the side for, it should be for you her daughter to apologize for hurting you. But if she’s that stuck in her ways then you’d be wasting your time.

[Asker]

By not showing up to my wedding and further insulting me by expecting me to just forget about it, she's proving me that she places her ego/pride above me, her daughter and only child. That's sad. That's contradicting those time she would tell me she loves me. Nope, now I believe she loves her ego/pride more than me.

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t disagree at all, she was wrong for what she did and if you choose not to talk to her, that’s totally fine. At the end of the day though I hope you don’t let her absence ruin the memory of your day. If I were you I would release my anger towards her, feeling no ill will and instead just choosing to keep your distance and move on from her. Keeping all that anger and hurt inside of you only gives her more power; so does saying she ruined the day.