Ladies, do you think your guy friends are only friends with you in the hopes to sleep with you? Guys, true/false?

[Pinay_ako]

[ObscuredBeyond]

It's usually pretty easy for most of them to tell if I have a crush or ulterior motive. I'm extra shy and awkward around girls I'd like to date. Always afraid of saying the wrong thing.

You, Pinay, I can admit that I would like to imagine as girlfriend material, even if I know to keep my expectations realistic. I openly admit I'd do all sorts of romantic things with you if I could, assuming you wanted it. But I'd yearn to be your life ally, even if we never once share a bed. No matter how much I may want to have sex with you, I wouldn't make that a condition of anything. We're not married, so to expect it of you like I'm owed would be preposterous. (I realize that's never stopped some men, but I have standards ).

So it is with any woman that catches my eye. I may have a crush, but to expect sex right off the bat is absurd. And if they're especially uncomfortable with the idea, I wouldn't ever want to push the girl to feel like she has to give up the goods. She has to want it, or I haven't earned it. And it shouldn't be required of the relationship, unless you're married. Because then, it serves the purpose of cementing the family. Otherwise, it's just selfish indulgence.

And if I can read that she senses I have an ulterior motive, and I suspect significant levels of her not being comfortable with it, I back away immediately. It doesn't even have to be sex. It could be kissing, holding hands, or even just a light shoulder touch!

If I suspect she'll not be able to handle it, I abort mission.

But I've also had plenty of gal pals that I'd never dream of taking to bed.

And then there are those that I would consider, if not for key disqualifiers. If my one coworker weren't married and didn't have kids, I'd be tempted to find another job, just so that pursuing her would be fair. But as it stands, it's out of the question. She's clever, and has that "street girl with a heart of gold" vibe. A total sweetheart, even if she has a dirty hood mouth. Her husband chose wisely, let's put it that way. If society collapsed and I lost my family, and had to become a wandering nomad, she's the kind of girl I'd want by my side, surviving the apocalypse with me. Those gals needn't sacrifice all their dignity, but they know a lot of cool tricks I would have never imagined, that can aid in survival.

I'm discovering just how sheltered my youth was. World's a truly crazy place.

[Jamie05rhs]

There are two types of girls that we are friends with: There is the type that we're secretly attracted to, and then there is the type that we're friends with because we're not attracted to them at all in any way whatsoever.

[Pinay_ako]

Love this answer

[Jamie05rhs]

@Pinay_ako Thanks! :)

[PinkRose24]

But do you hug said unattractive friend if she wants a hug?

[ChiTown33]

Respectfully disagree. I wouldn't be friends with someone because I was attracted to them. There is a difference between finding someone attractive and having feelings for them. And I for one can't develop feelings for someone I don't consider a friend no matter how attractive she is.

[grapefruit11]

There's a difference between a friend being attracted to you and someone pretending to be your friend only because they want to sleep with you. I've had some guy friends who flirted at first or who I think find me attractive, but who realized that it was never going to happen and treated me like a friend after that. They would just move on because they found what they wanted elsewhere.

I've had some guys pretend to be friends in an attempt to manipulate me to either date them or sleep with them. One guy delusionally seemed to think he owned me and I just needed to be convinced to acceot it. They were not real friends. They had one motive the whole time. I had to cut one of them off after he got crazy with me one day. The other one is a co-worker who is obsessed with me and doesn't seem to comprehend that the feeling is not mutual. I'm literally with someone else and he's started trying to trash talk that person. As I get older, it gets easier to tell who's real friend and who isn't. That applies to all relationships.

So, no I don't think my guy friends are just trying to sleep with me. If someone is only a friend because they want to get me to let me guard down so they can take advantage, they are not actually a friend. They're just a creep.

[xColinx]

Good points all around. As a guy, I'm friends with quite a few girls (some close, some casual) who I'm not physically attracted to at all. And like you said, there are other girls I'm friends with who I view as attractive but doesn't mean I have some secret motive to figure out how to hook up with them. It's usually the opposite... from a little past experience, I realize that a spur of the moment physical thing makes the friendship lose some of its authenticity or whatever... it just becomes more awkward and not in a good way. So yeah, there are guys perfectly capable of seeing a girl as attractive while also keeping things completely in the friend zone.

[Talia808]

I went threw that. I learned something though. Please don't be hurt. It is human nature. When a man is interested in a women for only sex, they do not start hanging out with her unless they also like her as a friend. It just means your beautiful inside and out.

If not once they realize you put them in the friendzone, and won't sleep with them, you would be ghosted so fast it would make your head spin. They are your friend too, and enjoy your company. it's a compliment.

[DesertP]

Well this can go two ways. My female friends I have have been friends with me for many years through many relationships on both sides of the friendship. Some are married, and I am friends with their family as well, some not. Now, I openly admit conveying many friendships into more. In fact, I have been successful at this more than most, but, in these cases I always stated at least once what my intentions were. I've put myself, many times, In the position for girls to go for me.

All that being said, I'm going to pour my heart out here. There is one girl, her name is Jana, whom I have loved since the very first time I laid eyes on her. I've loved her through all our relationships and even been friends with her exes. I know her family well and am also friends with her twin. We have dated and we have fooled around in the past. Served as one another's date when we each had none, and after years I finally told her that I always loved her. She was taken by that at first but expressed she always had feelings for me too which I knew. I've always been her friend and always will because even if I can never be with her I could not ever not have her as part of my life. I have always been there for her and always will. If I met her current man I would beat his ass for the way he has treated her and made that clear. But she still remains my friend and I hers. I've never loved another the way I love her and believe I will be with her one day. But that does not mean I'm not her friend to the very end no matter what. I've been honest. But I've also been a good friend. So take it for what it's worth but I do admit this circumstance is unique to my case.

[Chazmatazz269]

Haha! That particular sentiment is absolutely not true. The “friend zone” doesn’t equate to actual friendship for either party and both know it.
If a guy stays in the friend zone, he’s definitely doubling down on a bad investment for sex. Ell oh ell! Some women are actually capable of mutually beneficial friendships with men, that include GIVING and taking. But when a woman friend zones a guy, she’s manipulating him. She’s giving him the impression that he has a chance to change her mind about his value. She accepts all of the benefits of being his girlfriend without offering him any boyfriend benefits in return. It’s selfish and manipulative. What guys who stay fail to recognize is that their value only goes DOWN for staying. Now she knows he has no self respect. Why would she ever respect a man who doesn’t respect himself? Ell oh ell! Saying, “No, thank you!” and completely breaking off contact has the exact opposite effect. Suddenly she knows he has some self respect and maybe there’s something else about him she didn’t detect. She’ll contact him more often than not. Some guys use this as a play. I still think they’re suckers. Ell oh ell! All they’re doing is exchanging manipulations. There’s no long term happiness down that road.

[ShellyB]

When I was younger I had a lot of guy friends like this I would say most of them.

I am in a different part of life now where I do not think I have many guy friends like this anymore bc for one thing I live with my fiance instead of being in a dorm, I am off the dating market and anybody who knows me is aware of that and the guy friends I have at work are mostly older (I do think one of them is interested in me but knows nothing will happen). I would say at this point that the guys who are nice to me for that reason are more like guys I just met or barely know.

[ZackBan]

A good litmus test for this is :
Does he have women in his life?

A guy who is in a relationship or even just engaged in hookup culture can be friends with a woman. Because the need is met elsewhere.

But too many times you have guys who clearly have nothing else going on clinging to that one "girl best friend" and it doesn't take a genius to know that they are waiting for a crack in the armor.

Statistically around 90% of guy friends are just dudes who got friendzoned

[Summeroflove]

There are a lot of guys who do this. Plenty of women too.

I can speak for me. If I’m in love with someone. Then all other women are simply friends.

If I was to become single again for whatever reason. Yeah I could catch feelings for a friend of the opposite sex. That’s normal.

What is not normal or shouldn’t be at least. Is using someone to get sex and be disingenuous with someone.

There are women who sleep around. But. Stop trying to get into a woman’s life. Act like you’re her friend. Just to sleep with her.

[MrNameless]

There's some guys that do.. But it can be complicated when there's feelings involved. I also a lot less guys nowadays are willing to make a move on a friend because they don't want to lose the friendship, unless the female friend makes a move first maybe.

But on the flip side. If I go out and really like a girl and they tell me they just wanna be friends.. I wouldn't want to go there, and distance myself from them. Why would any sane person do that? Just say and be friends and pretend you get over it or put in even more effort and hope they come around? Nope

[Smashingdoozy]

No I don't think mine are. There's definitely been opportunities where things could have happened. Drunken nights, skinny dips, bed sharing, never once has anything happened with any of them. Infact a few of them actively talk about this topic because there was a guy in our group who did this to our friend. The day he did that was the day we all stopped hanging out with him.

[NathanDavis]

I think that after 20, 16, and 12 years of being friends... and also me having other girls as girlfriends for the last 16 years, plus... the fact that if we really wanted to give it a try we could have done many years ago

my friends already know that I am not actually "just waiting in the friendzone" lol...

not like they ever actually had doubts anyway...

[Msputiton]

No. I think i have done a good job weeding them out.

So i know my male friends share a common interest in basketball and it sparked into a friendship.

How do I know actions. If a male friend treats the same as his male friends they just friends.

They treat you differently they hoping for more

[dynamicyandere]

For me, I just make friends.


Some friends happen to be guys, some friends happen to be girls. And… Some friends that are girls, also happen to be people I catch feelings for.


For me, the foundation is always friendship. From there, it may become more or maybe not. But it always starts with friendship.

[dynamicyandere]

There are many guys that are only friendly because they expect it to become something more though. That’s quite common. But, it’s not always the case.

[Ria_300]

Actually me as a woman whenever I have had a guy friend they have always ended up saying they love me or started to hit on me for no there has been no difference... It's just weird and uncomfortable yk like imagine getting really close to someone and they just go overboard like that (and no I don't flirt with them) I feel like mostly guys do to have a better shot to have sex yk be like I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on 🙄 not saying every guy will do this but I feel like most do

[Dinklex3]

No, lol.

Only 2 would sleep with me, but that's not the only reason why they're friends with me.

I have friends who are happily married and in relationships.

It's interesting seeing so many people online assume men and women can't be just friends.

[sweet-chocolate]

Not all of them. I have some really good guy friends and even though I sometimes sleep at their houses, they never pull that card on me. We share the same bed and everything but it's just friendship. It has nothing to do with my looks💀 😅i think I'm attractive but it's just the pure respect of the friendship we have I guess

[MrNameless]

Maybe they don't want to risk losing the friendship? Think its kinda odd they are okay with you sleeping in their houses. They could be hoping you make the first move

[Finchie40]

For the most part yes unless there isn’t any attraction toward each other and just like each other as buds but sadly a guy isn’t really going to hang out with a girl a bunch if he isn’t somewhat attracted toward her it definitely crossed his mind that he wouldn’t mind fucking her

[RiseofArtemis]

A man will always try to sleep with any woman doesn't mean if its a friend, men are made to always want to screw. That's if he's single. If he has a girlfriend of his own then he can still be friends with you, his behavior will change towards you. He may not even do nice things for you anymore because his girlfriend doesn't like it.

[ChiTown33]

Maybe if you're a very bad judge of character. Most women that do this typically bring it on themselves. They either befriend a guy with bad character to begin with. Or they violate the friendship for selfish personal gain. And that will ALWAYS cost you in the long run when you exploit a friendship.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Lol that above statement could only stand true if you say people should only have sex after marraige otherwise you don't love that person if you had been sleeping around with other people you should have saved yourself for your only one true partner 😹

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Call me shallow , but in reality i would be only friends with girls that i am attracted to it doesn't make sense for me to be friends otherwise lol.

And let's face it if a guy is with you for so many days and years and didn't have attraction to you then i think there is something to work on lol 🤣🤣🤣

[Aakash_Hangargi]

PS i still don't sleep around 😂

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Care and attraction are two different things someone can care for you genuinely and still be attracted towards you.

Heck your own parents have one favourite kid that's how it is but still they would care for you 🤣

[dustybiker]

If so, they have been waiting a long time. And are all cowards for not saying anything. 😁

False, of course.

[dolemite89]

women only use guy friends for attention not as actual friends so i don’t see why women go through “ pain” at all when their intentions were narcissistic in the first place 😂 outside of the girls they date, guys have female acquaintances not friends.

[RavVid]

Pretending to be a friend only in hopes of getting sex is a lot of work for a relatively low chance of reward.

In some cases people do carry a torch and carry on as a friend but that is a little different.